Morning Glory, Evening Majesty (120)

Daily goal: Don't lapse into group think. Build bridges not bunkers.

Morning Glory- It's quiet, dark skies, I enjoy the silence. This is my time to abstain from news and updates. Just absorb the calm. Feel the energy of connecting with the moment. Plan the day. Certain routine, with a hint of spontaneity.

I made a list of things I can do in my house. Things I generally am to busy to do. Things I might not want to do- cleaning wise. Even things I, at one time, thought would be cool, but forgot about. I number them. Then use a pair of dice to roll and choose an adventure. This keeps things interesting.

Like the "Say Yes, Not No" philosophy to try new things- I am seeking a brain growth moment. Learning to play Chess, play Sudoku (I am not a numbers/math person) or build a shadow box/memory case. Even taking up needle point (never had the patience for it). Small doses of these things keeps me engaged. Some I put away in a box- some I put back in the the pile for another day's adventure.

Immerse in harm reduction. That is what we are told. Prevent the spread of the virus, but it is also important not to allow the infiltration of complacency and stagnancy. We can abstain from close interactions outside, but inside we need to continue to interact with new ideas and saturate our mental avenues.

Afternoon Stateliness- This is the hardest part of the day. Several hours of grading, conferencing with students, editing modules. This is the time the neighbors dog gets rowdy and starts barking incessantly. Headphones are a requirement. Nice and loud- he is 100 feet outside my office window.

Music shifts from mellow to heavy base- it helps drown out the distraction. Massive Attack, New Order, some German Industrial. Anything to get me pumped. This is the slump on most days- but in this time- even more so. I feel ambushed.

All the subtle reminders come fluttering in like sticky notes, caught in a gust of wind. Releasing from their locus- combining into a giant torrent of- clingy cognizance. Anxiety will follow me no matter where I go. It stalks its prey. Forcing my hand. The guttural beat of angst is my only defense. Distraction from the paper cuts of restlessness.

Evening Majesty- Family time. Relaxation time. The time when everything else: school, society, stress- dissipates. I play a board game, watch some TV, or just hang with my family. At least for two hours. Then everyone gets back to what they need to do. I have two school-aged children, two who work different hours throughout the day, and we have chores to get done in the house.

Then maybe some chats on Twitter. I listen to podcasts. Write. Read. Just really stay immobile for a bit. It is important to walk, in the morning. Stay active through out the day. But in the evening I kinda go dormant.

This is when I write in my journal- the days events, did I meet my goals and intentions. What I need to do tomorrow, etc. I read an article today that said- we will forget most of the specifics about quarantine. The overall event yes, but the details will fall away, much like the pain of childbirth. We remember the event, but the actual pain is forgotten.

The article says, it will be a remember when...discussion we have in the future. It will be one of big moments, not day to day memories.

But, I think the scars will run a bit deeper. We might not know why we are skittish and nervous in the future. We will assume it didn't impact us much. But most of us will forever be altered by this ordeal. Even when everything feels back to 'normal' it will always feel different, we will feel less social, especially around strangers.

It is these days, happening right now that will decide how we put the pieces back for ourselves. This is a personal journey, even with a house of six- it feels very much personal. I don't want to forget the moments I endured- that is why I keep a journal and write posts.

So when this wave subsides, I can still see every hole in the sand as it fills. Like blinking eyes glistening in the sunlight. Those holes are important- not to bring back memories of anxiety, but ones of coping and strength.

The indelible sand made from the weathering and erosion of rock, landing on our shores. A slow process, unnoticed by humanity. Yet, a continual cycle of destruction, movement and deposition. Now that is strength.

The Season of the Witch (118)

Through civil wars, front lines and social movements, there have always been battle cries, songs of discord, opposition and resistance. Music has been the voice of the masses. Each decade a prolonged ballad, of hope and desire. Every era a serenade of solidarity.

The 1950's were about having fun, breaking out from under the suppression of independent thinking. "The Great Pretender," "That'll be the Day," just to name a few. It made the youth of the decade feel like they had a voice, for the first time in their lives.

The 1960's shifted towards responsibility. Especially near the end of the decade when the Vietnam War was raging and the "Peace, Not War" movement was blooming. "House of the Rising Sun," "Fortunate Son," and "All Along the Watch Tower," were among the many anti-war anthems. The music changed, the youth were enraged and the battle cry mirrored life.

The 1970's music genre transformed from one of rebelliousness to one of frolic and gaiety. Disco and dance floors. Express yourself and excess. "Y.M.C.A." "Walk on the Wild Side," and "Dancing Queen," got people to jive and boogie and come alive. 

The 1980's was a time of decadence, no major war, depression or the like. Society felt comfortable and as MTV hit our screens and synthesizers wailed and chimed into our daily lives- we felt like we needed to focus on ourselves. Less responsibility and more eccentricity. "Sweet Dreams," "I Wanna Dance with Somebody," and "Purple Rain," the soundtrack of the decades hay day.

The 1990's music became more grunge, more emotional, more personal. "Losing My Religion," "Smells Like Teen Spirit," and "Don't Speak," topped the charts and there was a shift away from excess and more towards self-reflection. 

The music of the 20th century, still echo's today. Especially Classic Rock, Rap and Grunge. Song's from every era make their way to the radio and on personal playlists. 

The 21st century of course brought more changes. Every genre imaginable.

Run the Gamut (117)

To run the gamut- To experience, display or perform the range of things.

I am experiencing joy, calm and a sense of completion at the end of the week after grading and maintaining my classes. I am exhausted and frustrated after another week of the same thing.

I am a teacher 7 days a week. I know we say we are going to not do teacher stuff, on the weekends but, with late work and progress reports coming out Monday- there is a continual influx of parent emails, students submissions and updating the grade book.

I am a mother 7 days a week to a house full of children. One ten years old, bored and an endless bundle of conversation and need. I am trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy as he is cooped up in the house. A walk. Board games and the like.

I am receiving kind emails from parents who see I am doing my best- keeping in contact, messaging students- keeping them on track the best I can. But, then also some emails with rude and finger pointing. It's amazing the gamut of responses.

One parent thanks me every week for inspiring her child in this time of uncertainty. Another parent sent a hateful- how dare you expect me to get my student to do his work. You should print it out and bring it to my house- that way he wont get distracted by his computer. Yes, she typed this. Then, continued to explain I wasn't doing enough.

It stung. Believe me. This is also a student who in the brick and mortar setting never did his work or participated in class. But at least then, I could look him in the eye and use mindfulness strategies to engage him. But, with distance learning- we lose that connection. Zoom or not. That connection is gone.

Today has been one of coming to terms with the fact that I can't be there for every student- exactly how they need me to be. I have 180 students, and I am doing my best to keep everyone engaged and interactive. BUT, ultimately it is up to them.

I am a parent of two school aged children and trust me- they are working on their assignments but they miss some. I get emails too. But, I simple say thank you for all you are doing and I will make sure he gets it turned in. Parents think because we are teachers we are home with nothing to do.

For the first time, many are seeing the strength, determination and complete involvement a teacher has to give to help students learn. Yes, they are basically teaching themselves right now. We can give them lessons but without our daily guidance, our presence, eye contact and face to face interaction- unfortunately this has become a personal journey for them and for us.

The Cantankerous Side of Covid (115)

If you read my blog or follow me on Twitter, you know- I believe in mindfulness, positive vibes and kindness. I believe in awareness of oneself and reflection. I pause a lot to make sure I respond calmly rather than react with negativity. I see the good in people.

I repeat a positive daily mantra- I set optimistic and realistic intentions every morning- I am very in tune with my emotions and social interactions. I reflect a lot.

But, recently- I have been noticing my mood swings. The littlest of things frustrates me. I have to spend a lot of time in a quiet place, to meditate and contemplate. I have been unnerved by my short-temperedness.

I have been keeping a small note pad with me throughout the day and I have been recording instances where I mentally- well to be honest, lose it. After each one I wrote a strategy to temper my inner temper.

Now I haven't been taking it out on other people, too much- my awareness and patience, in that regard is in tact. A few snarky comments here and there. But, my overall positive demeanor seems to have taken a hit. I have been isolating myself more. Because, I have been agitated and quick to stress.

Going into the grocery store the other day, seized my mindfulness very quickly. I usually take a simple outing in stride, but this excursion was different. It felt not my neighborhood. It felt like an alternative reality, where everyone walked, shuffled more like, beneath a dark cloud of uncertainty. Not the usual, steady as she goes, energy of my residence.

I was anxious and hyper-vigilant, leery of those around me. I didn't smile, I didn't say hello to anyone. I just kept my head down and moved quickly through the store. I got frustrated when people were in my way. I picked up on every negative comment people were dishing out.

My mind was screaming. My cordiality became caution. I, for the first time since this whole thing started- hated being outside my house. It scared me, not because of Covid, but because I deal with things, very well generally. This time, I shut down, I didn't handle it well at all. I came home physically and mentally exhaused.

Now I am not afraid to get sick. I am healthy.

It's something deeper. A stress that took me a few weeks to identify and quantify. The disquiet foreboding, of disruption and disturbance. An unconventionality, that has left me unsettled. I feel like the other shoe is going to drop any minute. Not the Covid loafer, but the humanity sneaker.

Depression and anxiety come in many forms. Some are loud and clear- they scream at you. "Take heed, you need to take stalk of your situation." But, others are quiet, sneaky and let's face it ninja like. They take hold and drain us of our joy, long before we see them in the shadows lurking.

I guess the mercenary of Covid has caught up with me. But, I see you Covid anxiety. I am on the defense now. I have a plan.

Step 1- acceptance.
Step 2- work the problem.
Step 3- take responsibility for your struggle
Step 4- iron out a solution, at least a plan, to combat the problem

It has taken me a few weeks to reach step 4. Writing about my anxiety, unplugging, not watching the news, getting outside in small chunks of time, watching positive shows, reading great books, drawing, and especially hanging with my family playing board games- has gotten me there.

Now this isn't a solution. It's ironing out one. There isn't a quick fix. Plenty of band-aids and tourniquets- but ultimately, all I can do is triage right now. This is a slow to return. The cantankerous side of Covid is that all of us, are feeling the challenge of mindfulness and appreciation.

The most important thing we can do though- for ourselves and humanity is to stay aware. To be generous, appreciative and kind. To forgive the snide comments and rudeness of others, because they are entering, or are residing in the cantankerous zone too.

Now some people are just plain trolls- just plan mean. Forgive them too. For when this is all over and we have time to reflect, on our behavior, theirs will be remembered. Make sure yours, reflects well on you. We are all human, and we all have very long memories.

Don't let the cantankerous side linger too long- it will grasp, tug you down, and sink you- but the buoyancy of mindfulness is a powerful tool indeed. Just listen to yourself, recognize the signs and set a plan in motion.

A Wrinkle in the Routine (113)

I am moving from dungeon to corridor in a castle of wonders and horrors. There is treasure and mayhem. Beautiful tapestry and dingy corners. Cobwebs and glistening goblets of spirits. Everywhere a torch, I can grab one at any time.

There are secret spells abound. Those standing in the shadows with sentient spell books and incantations, are bombarding my castle with magic. Swirling around me- casting positive influence and a few negative ones. I am using my magical thinking to overcome- to make sure I avoid the pitfalls throughout.

Every castle has traps and enticements. Subterfuge and decoy's. Any fantasy story is full of deception, wizards, dragons and the prince or princess that conquers them. What started a few months back as a doorway - led to a hub. No longer a lure but a residence. I am allowing myself to feel comfort in this place.

A wrinkle in the routine. The crisp edges once identifiable have now become obscured by folds and pleats. This does not mean I don't know how to unfold the corrugation. I just use my enchantments, my magus memory and find the best solution.

Things are uncertain- topsy-turvy, changing daily with new information. I embrace the crinkle and crush- I adapt to the reconfiguration. It's just reality after all. My reality, and I choose to use my wand of security to let things be. I choose to listen, to hear all sides of the story.

As in any fantastical tale, there is intrigue, devilish rumor and lots of problems and hurdles to investigate and resolve. The protagonist does not get to run away or hide. Even though they often struggle at first. They accept the quest.

This quest is unavoidable. I did not choose to teach on-line, I did not chose to quarantine and distance. But, I am. I am not wallowing in a corner, waiting like a damsel in distress. I am not a side character in my story. I am the protagonist. The antagonist- Covid.

I choose to use the wrinkle- to bridge the edges closer together, so my routine has more meaning. I choose to tame the dragon. Cast positivity spells. Seek advice from wise mages. Find my path through the dark forest.

I choose optimism and joy.

Things are cloudy, a shadow has been cast on the realm- but I have magical powers: mindfulness, determination, curiosity. So I will end my quest, when the trials and tribulations end. And I will be wiser for the experience.

Honestly, This Sucks- Why Not A Scavenger Hunt? (111)

Let's face it- there is nothing great about distance learning. I guess some teachers may be absolutely loving it. But as for me, and most of my friends, we are not. There is nothing fun about it. I want to be in my classroom, interacting and hearing the din of laughter and learning.

Let's face it- there are a lot of articles, blog posts, podcasts and the like, on this subject. This is just another one. I am sure it won't even make a impact on most people. I guess I am not trying to. Just want to write and get this out there. I do not need a bunch more things thrown at me- that I don't have time to do.

Honestly, I am twice as consumed by school than I have ever been before- and not in a good way. Just tedious troubleshooting, management of grades and trying to make the preFAB required lessons somewhat palatable.  I don't feel like a teacher. I feel like a machine just packaging up ready made materials into some sort of learning.

If I could design all new lessons I would. But, I can't. So- what to do, what to do. Add some layers to them to make them more active. That I can do. Send them outside to observe succession and weathering, erosion and deposition in their yards. That I can do.

I think mindfulness prompts and class discussion boards (live) are fun. I do those. We talk a lot about staying mindful and active. Video clips, interactives and the like.

Those can be done on-line, sure. But, not everyone has internet or enough devices to go around. Going outside is free- accessible (the yard) although, yes- some live in apartments so no yard. So what to do, what to do.

Hurdles. Yes.

But a scavenger hunt is doable. Not ideal. Having them together in a classroom is much more communal, productive and engaging. But again, can't be done. Zoom meetings- well, I don't find them engaging- they are just lectures. So I tend not to do them.

Get a student up away from a device. Using their imagination. That is the best I can do. I can't make them do it- no. I can't make them do anything. BUT, I can sell it and make it sound like a game. Get them interested.

Scavenger hunts can be about literally anything. Have them take a picture, draw a picture. Have them interview a family member. The sky is the limit.

Just a thought...just being honest here. I absolutely hate this distance learning. No one is learning. It is just a way to get from A to B. With maybe some content and absorption a long the way.

I am honest with myself- I am not perfect, I am a better teacher in my classroom. Nothing I do or say will get them engaged as if I was there in person. All I can do is my best.

National Poetry Month ... Here's 2 About Quarantine and the Current Cultural Climate (109)

Viral Pandemic

a virus sparked civil unrest
both microbial and virtual
word contagion
speeches reminding us
we are caged in

mentally
physically
socially

actions lifting the crest
lowering the trough
are we flattening the curve?
are we doing enough?

voices loud, crowds gather
a call to arms
from a disheveled fear
refusing to adhere
can you hear the alarm?

looming outrage
over isolation
science being upstaged
lost in translation
fear swallows acclamation

How long before unrest
overflows
before common sense
is forced to foreclose
and risk
becomes inevitable


Next

continuance of reality
as we quarantine and harbor in place
politics are front and center
but the virus is the
headline

briefings
opinions
decisions made from above
what comes next?

schools closed, but only some
restaurants and entertainment
paused
but public spaces, parks and streets
starting to fill

blinking eyes in the sunlight
adjusting to outside
while others stay enclosed
protected
from transference

when will we shake hands
hug
stand in a queue not six feet apart
ride the bus, the tube, the L
when will we stand before students
watch them learn

next is a while away
feels like the distance
is narrowing then expanding
by daily whims and decisions
made above us

but we wait
we sit tight
we follow the rules
but we need to keep our eyes
on the truth
what is hidden behind the headline

next is next
but the future is our voices
our rights
our decisions
for now
trust science

It's a Numbers Game -Every Educators Dilemma (107)

Teachers are amazing. We rally the troops. We adapt. We slightly waver, but never give up. We persist. Every day whether we are in a brick and mortar classroom or a virtual one- we are present, interactive and proactive. 

We had clubs, extra-curricular competitions and a myriad of other outside of the classroom, school related endeavors. Then something like this happens and they disappeared. We no longer see our students, experience events with them, interact with them. It’s a loss. A deeply emotional loss.

We got hugs and smiles, we told and heard jokes- we laughed. As a class we had fun. We grew together, with a synergy, unique to every group of students. We had our skits, hooks and deep conversations. We were comfortable. Each group its own entity- expanding and flexing with the challenges of learning.

Wham bam, thank you mam.

The physical becomes virtual. No matter our determination- the energy, the flow of the group has changed. We have lost part of the connection, it’s inevitable. We are juggling the dynamics. Some educators have 30 students or less, some 180 or more. It doesn't matter the size- it’s difficult for every teacher, to say the least.

My son is in 4th grade, he received a card from his teacher in the mail yesterday. It made him smile and a little sad. There are teachers driving though their local neighborhoods, of their students and waving at them, leaving care packages. These educators are heroes. I am in awe of their dedication.

As a junior high teacher, I have 180 students, spread out over a large area in Katy. Not feasible to drive through every neighborhood in a 25-mile radius. Sending a card to all 180 students is feasible, expensive, but doable. It just feels so big. My individual groups all combined into a huge unit. I feel an overwhelming urge to scream.

Trying to keep it individualized, personal on every level- is impossible. Communicating with everyone of them, every day is impossible.

Some students are turning in every assignment on-time. We are not giving late grades of any kind, so many are procrastinating and turning in things late. This means having to track down assignments in a multi-faceted, on-line program. A constant search for assignments amidst 180 students. Again, overwhelming. A full-time job.

Some are MIA, they never sign on or skip a week of assignments. Phone calls, emails. Troubleshooting the on-line platform with students. Again, full-time job. Our hours have increased, not decreased. We are again, overwhelmed. 

Then a lot of us are parents too, with children at home attempting to maneuver through virtual classrooms and assignments. As we are grading and in chats with our students and colleagues, our home-life is blurring, with our professional responsibilities. It’s not easy for teachers or parents. Heck, its not easy for anyone. Everyone is struggling in some capacity.

Group size is a huge talking point these days. Distance. No more than a certain number of shoppers in a store- lines, six feet apart, waiting outside for entry. No gatherings of more than 5 publicly. It’s a numbers game.

For me 180 students is a numbers game. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle, with the pieces that won’t stay together. So, the moment you have an edge completed, the other edges falls apart. You have the lid you know what it’s supposed to look like. But, its impossible to get enough of the pieces to attach and stay completed. YET, we keep trying. We educators are relentless,

Daily- I email them, set up chats per class, keep up with their grades, communicate with parents. All the while being a mom. Time-management is a necessity. Patience is a necessity. Calm required. For no teacher is this maintenance and connection maintained with ease. In this regard, the numbers game is universal.

We are all amassing the puzzle pieces, trying to sync the puzzle. It feels just out of phase. But we try- we persist. We make sure we are doing everything possible- 30 to 180 times a day. We maintain a large group professionally, a small group internally in our homes and a mental and physical one on an individual level.

Educators- you are heroes.

Deep breaths, focus and a whole lot of reflection and sought-after feedback. That is the oil to keep this machine working. The pieces of the puzzle may spill, they may even get lost- but we will start to see the image soon- as long as we keep snapping the pieces together.

Something About Letting Yourself Imagine the Worst, is Comforting (105)

It's a mind bender. This situation. What to expect. How to respond. What to watch. What not to watch. What to read. What not to read. My mind is overwhelmed. My body tired from the anxiety. Even the strongest of wills, in my family, my husband, is showing signs of despair.

I find that if I sit quietly and meditate. Imagine the worst scenario. Take it all in. I feel better.

For fifteen minutes a day- I let myself panic. Think of all the what if's, the it's inevitable's, the I have no control over anything's, the I am allowed to feel sorry for myself's. Then I put them to bed. It is the only way I can remain mindful.

Mindfulness is awareness. But also, coping, staying calm, responding not reacting. Finding your center, staying focused, believing in yourself. It is searching inside of you, for the strength to carry on, even though you feel like crawling under the covers and cowering to the depression.

There is something comforting in the fifteen minutes of worst cast imaginable, I let myself embody every morning. After the time span ends- I see the world in much more light. The shadows of uncertainty, seem farther away. I find solutions to my doldrums.

Things are precarious. They are scary. But, they are manageable. My family is with me. I have supplies, electricity, Internet. I have books to read. Games to play. I have ways to entertain myself. Things suck, for real. But, for me, they don't. Not really.

So if I can imagine the worst- then switch my thinking to the actual, the present, coping seems very doable. Choose your outlook- it is 100% yours. Happiness, joy, contentedness- all you.

So allow yourself to see the scary, just for a few minutes- 15 minutes a day, then meditate and clear it from your mind. See the reality of things- and the comfort will find you.

Eggs, Eggo's and Ego's (103)

It's Easter and my youngest is ten. Last year we had an Easter egg hunt. He was not overly excited, in fact his words, "Why do I have to find them?" So this year I gave him an option. He is ten, a mature ten, and I asked -"How would you like to celebrate Easter this year?" His response, a Nintendo DS game instead of an Easter basket and some family board games."

So dyeing eggs and hiding them in bushes, Easter basket packing, is over in my family. We are now a board game, egg shaped Eggo waffle family. I think being cooped up inside doesn't inspire bunny rabbits and peeps. Not anymore. I am kind of sad. All my boys have now outgrown a lot of the celebratory wonder of childhood.

But, with quarantine comes new traditions. I think family board games is a great idea. We also decided not to make the huge dinner- ham, green bean casserole, etc. We opted for a more simple manner of edible delights. Irish brats and home-made sausage stuffing. We make it as a family. Hand-cut LA Bakery bread, awesome fresh herbs and sausage. It's awesome.

I used to make sure every detail of our holidays were perfect. The perfect wrapping, ornate stockings, hand woven baskets with the perfect treats- but this Easter, I know it is now more about family than fanfare. A video game he can enjoy for days is more important than a basket of hard-boiled eggs and chocolate bunnies.

My ego took a bit of a vacation this year. I also learned my youngest is not so young anymore "I'm double-digits mom, I don't need the baby stuff anymore." I gotta be honest- it stung a little. But, time passes, we grow and change, our ego's settle into the reality of our age.

As long as I get to spend time with my children today, it's kind of built in, they literally have no where to go, I am happy.

Happy Easter 2020, a day of ego realizations, the absence of eggs and the addition of a wonderful breakfast tradition- Kellogg's brand Eggo.- cut into egg shaped perfections.

In fact, my family stood around the toaster- and as the first one popped up in unison- we all chimed, "Let go of my Eggo." I retorted, "We got plenty, let's play a board game and eat waffles- Happy Easter CJ's."

John Hughes Blues, Becomes A Week of Enlightenment (101)

My chat tonight is 80's and 90's themed. My week has been watching 80's and 90's movies- Say Anything, Reality Bites, Singles. But mostly- a lot of John Hughes Movies.

I guess this journey was spawned by completing the book- Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. The book is amazing.

I think these movies, really resonated not only because they are the films of my adolescence, but because their theme is still very relevant today.

Sixteen Candles

It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime was the tag line. We often feel out of place, overshadowed by events. There are a lot of birthday parties cancelled these days. A lot of teenagers, who feel ignored in a house full of siblings. It's a time to make sure we acknowledge what they are losing. Let’s face it these days everyone is feeling a loss and teenagers and children most of all.

Pretty in Pink

I can’t even imagine, if in the 80’s when I was a teenager, that I was isolated from my friends. That my prom was cancelled. That my high school graduation might not happen. The culmination of four years of my life- just fading into the woodwork without celebration. This movie might be about being an outcast- but it definitely resonates with what is happening today.

Some Kind of Wonderful

I love this movie- it is an obscure one though. A crush on someone “out of your league” a friend you don’t notice is perfect for you. It feel like the thousand voices jumping on Twitter trying to get noticed. I know it has been crowded on Twitter, but lately it seems over-flowing with yelling voices all trying to be heard. To be noticed by the ‘popular crowd.’ When keeping it close, with friends, seems like the better bet.

Breakfast Club

Everyone knows this movie. A group of teens, who probably would never speak to one another are forced into a situation where they are supposed to not communicate but do. Boredom gets them collaborating and conversing. But, at the end of the day, the honest truth is it will go back to the way it was before. We are entering one another’s orbits often temporarily. But, it’s worth it- to glean insight.

Weird Science

Designing the ideal woman is this movies plot. But with distancing learning it is all about designing an ideal lesson, building ideal virtual relationships. We are all searching for camaraderie and connection. Sometimes its real, sometimes it a flash, temporary moment- but every day we are all trying to make connections in another wise quiet world.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Playing hooky. Taking a drive in a forbidden car. Museums, restaurants and baseball stadiums. The sheer thrill of being outside and living life normally is all of our daily wishes. Yet, like school is a prison for Ferris somedays- our homes feel like an unwelcomed enclosure for us. BUT we have our imaginations and lots of cable tv. I know that among other things is keeping me sane.

John Hughes movies are universal, enduring and indelible. Catch one of these sometime and you will be transported for a little while into the world of expected outcomes. That is refreshing in a time where uncertainty has grabbed hold.

The Reality of Education- Simple Things You Can Do to Keep it Real (99)

Being Specific, Talking Slowly and Precisely

Flattening the curve. A term we hear every day on the news. Learning curve. Something educators are repeating, like autopilot responses, in every email response we are sending.

Parents are frustrated- mostly due to confusion and incomplete directions. Students are anxious, they often get lost in the multi-platform, various ways to turn in assignments- the submission quagmire.

As a parent, today in fact, I screamed at the top of my lungs. A week of work turned in by my ten-year old, on the district platform, now has to be entered on a different platform. I kind of lost it.

A crying ten-year old, didn’t help keep my mindfulness in check either. The response from the teacher- ‘I sent an email a week ago, the first of the four I sent.” Really? Do you know how many emails parents are getting? Teachers are getting.

I simply replied. “Thank you for all you do.” I know she is a fellow educator and she is flattening the curve too. Finding her groove in the learning curve. But it got me thinking. 

Has this happened to any of the parents of my students? Was I not clear at some point, and they chose to say, “Thank you for all you do,” instead of venting at me?

Reality Check #1- Emails get lost. Send out clear, precise, very specific directions at the beginning of every week. Link it to the module or lesson as a must do before they begin anything else. 

A post and a podcast. Some parents and students need verbal instructions, while others prefer text.

Not only will this minimize emails to you and questions for you- it will more importantly, ease parental anxiety and student frustration.

The Rules Have Changed, But the Game Remains the Same

Relentless routines grind down the peaks. It is no one’s job to create a peak- it’s a hassle and time-consuming, to say the least. But we can build our determination.

We can help our students find their fortitude and tenacity. But, if we do not design lessons (yes even on-line) that engage them, this dedication will wane quickly. We as educators need to look for moments of substance and impact in everyday life.

Distance learning needs games, not just practices. We are no longer present, looking them in the eye, for 45 minutes a day. Even if we are chatting in an on-line group, we still have very little control, over what they are doing.

Let’s face it, behavior management has shifted from teacher to parent and with a house full of kids, it is difficult to maintain. I personally, have a quick 15-minute chat and a 15-minute conference each week as a class. That’s all.

Then I set up some assignments for them to do independently. And a blog/discussion where they can interact and bounce ideas off of one another, without me.

It’s not easy to erase the chalk line between habit (what they look for) and the unanticipated (what we hope they see). Familiarity and notability are at odds.

We need to break this consistently and prevent student expectation and boredom. In other words, stir things up a little. Ask an absurd question, let them have some fun discussing how to answer it.

Our lessons need to be recognizable and comfortable to a certain degree, especially for differentiation purposes, but they also need to have some wonder.

Reality Check #2– On-line lessons often run off of modules or a sequenced list. Unfortunately, this is a recognizable, familiar format and should be left as the scaffold.

But, without pulling in too many unknowns- too many outside places to submit things, we should keep things interesting. But compelling and stimulating need not be some totally new format.

Add a funny comic for them to interpret, or piece of art to creatively write about- within the same platform. Don’t add more components- just more layers.

Break the Script

Let’s face it, the ‘moments’ we were having as a class, in person, are on hold. The magic and light shows, our pyrotechnic hooks and introductions, seem unattainable currently. In a way they are. The performance art, every educator utilizes, seems unnecessary, but is it?

The idea is easy, the execution is hard. They can click on millions of links at any time. There ARE far more flamboyant, humorous and entertaining videos and games available to them- than us.

Reality Check #3- We are not the most cool or engaging thing on the Internet. Or in their learning world.

But, we can up our game. The venue might be set, but the stakes can be raised. The sensory appeal can be attractive enough, that we get them away from their devices for a while. We can avoid the soul sucking voice of reasonableness.

Italo Calvino- “Seek and learn to recognize who and what in the midst of the inferno, are not inferno, then make them endure, give them space.”

I see this as an opportunity to use the space, the distance between us as a tool. Use it as a pause button. This can give students time to figure things out, without us bombarding them with stimulus and questions.

We need to use the routine, the scaffolding of our on-line platform- but the problems we present to them can remove them from it. Flip the script. Have them create a lesson and share it with the class in a blog/discussion.

Let them find new websites and games that will help other students.

Break the script by simply giving students a topic- a single vague question and then tie it to the unit. Make sure they understand the parameters and then set them free.

You will be amazed at the level of complexity and thoroughness they will show.

There is an ‘I'm’ in Imperfection

Distance learning has taught me one thing. My classroom is run like a loose confederacy.

I rely on the commitment of my students. It is my job to create a place, albeit a virtual one, where my students don’t just understand something, but that they feel something.

I need to deliver a jolt. There is a certain freshness and sport, about this whole new learning platform. There is a novelty of first times in our lives. It helps when we make sure to bring this into our lessons. It creates a sense of curiosity.

Reality Check #4- There is beauty in imperfection. There is humility in vulnerability that leads us to more connections with parents and students. Be honest, deliberate and understanding.

Listen, read an email, then read it again. Respond not react. Take the time to be imperfect because if you focus on being perfect, you will miss opportunities to problem solve, with parents and students. We are better together.

Soak up the Bumps

You can’t schedule a realization. Or prompt a student discovery. You can, however, leave clues for them to follow and hopefully at the end of the maze, something clicked into place.

Reality Check #5- Students are not Lego bricks and sometimes, they just don’t connect with the content.

So how can we make sure, that they trip over the truth? We need to make sure that every student is figuring things out- yet, we absolutely do not want to make things too challenging- this is a time for simplicity.

Then with those students who need some enrichment- we can design for some obstacles. It is an oddity, a juxtaposition for me, to have modules they need to follow. It feels too structured. It takes away some of my creativity. BUT it is necessary.

Consistency is absolute. What lies within the assignments, the layers within are where the creativity lies? Where choice can be presented.

We are presenting a pile of Lego bricks- but we need to allow them choice of size, shape and color- the architecture is personal, the tools are universal.

Let's not let the Wish be the Father of the Thought

What we are doing as educators currently, with distance learning is- TRUTH- forcing us into a screen. An entity students have long ago accepted as a tool for fun and adventure.

So, we can make our lessons remarkable or forgettable- we have to choose because, we already have a barrier, the computer itself and all its glorious options.

Delighting your students is unattainable, unless you provide the basics. There is a constant face-off between time and attention. Every quibble relocates their attention and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

Reality Check #6- It is hard to keep students from adopting a siege mentality.

We need multi-trackers- promotion(keep them excited and surprised)and prevention(removing heft but keeping value). Bright spots are necessary.

Students are living in an emotional cul-de-sac. It feels like they are trapped and in a sense they are. We have a risk- one that leans towards in-action. How can we combat this?

1-Create a local analogy- a similar problem, something we all have in common, quarantine, distancing, anxiety. In other words, a granular problem for them to solve.

2-Create a regional analogy- another problem to compare it to, (activity specific). In other words, a conceptual problem they need to solve.

3-Ladder up the lessons- On the lower rungs give them a view of the situation, to find similarities. Then the higher rungs, offer more and more options of how to answer questions- give them reasons to go outside in their yard, play a board game, play their instrument or dance around to their favorite song- and ask them to make connections to the content.

As the week goes on, and the content solidifies, we can get more and more abstract. They can ascend the ladder until they have understanding. If they don’t. Offer some binoculars (review podcast, outside websites and articles) for them to be able to see the view from every angle.

Some students will get there early, some will take every rung. It doesn’t matter, as long as they keep climbing because they are curious what they will find.

Reality Check #7- Not everyone has a ladder. Not everyone wants to climb a ladder. We have to present our lesson at ground level as well as throughout the ascension.

1- The platform is there for a reason. To make things as clear and simple as possible.
2- Too much information is not what students need. They need simple, but also open-ended enough for them to put their own stamp on it.
3-  The layers are what matter- the components are universal the layers are personal.
4-  You can’t avoid confusion. You can’t prevent misunderstanding. No matter how clear you think you are (text and verbal in a podcast) there will always be someone who needs help. Be patient.
5- Students don’t need pyrotechnics they need moments of reveal and a stream of consistency. You are not their only teacher.
6-  Parents need one email, if that, a week. Keep it simple and direct. They are bombarded, under siege at every direction. Put yourself in their shoes.
7-  It should never be about the grade. Always about the growth. Growth comes from curiosity- its that simple.
8- Let them communicate with one another- social interaction is virtual and we need to let them just talk, as we do in our brick and mortar classrooms.


Now...take a deep breath....the learning curve is flattening, the contagion curve will take more time. 

Find your favorite song- the one that makes you energized, reflective and passionate.

For me it's "Across the Universe" by The Beatles. If you haven't listened to it in a while- you should. It will give you a new perspective.

Imagine Yourself at Disneyland- The Happiest Place on Earth (97)

I grew up in southern California. Most of my life anyway. I visited Disneyland many times- long before California Theme Park, among others, arrived on the scene. It was just one park and it was magnificent.

It was the perfect place for a first date- there were places where you could get scared and need reassurance. There was a romantic train ride or tasty restaurants. There were fun rides that exhilarated, even the grumpiest of guests. Whether they spun around, climbed great heights, or simply raced you around a track- each held a certain charm.

There were different 'lands'. Tomorrowland, Fantasyland, Adventureland, Frontierland, and Main Street. Just to name a few. Each a gloriously themed meeting place where restaurants, shops and amusement rides, took you on a journey. It was sheer delight. It still is for many, I am sure. I haven't gone in a long time.

My favorite was always Tomorrowland, with the ride Space Mountain. I loved the suspense of the darkness and speed. Taking off in a rocket car. It was marvelous. One of the fastest rides in the park.

Then there was the humor of the Jungle Cruise guides. The spookiness of the Haunted Mansion. The addictive song of Pirates of the Caribbean. It was good times indeed.

When you needed to relax you could take a ride on the monorail or across the park in an overhead tram. The options were unlimited. Every sweet treat imaginable lured you into the candy shops. Stuffed animals, snow globes and trinkets caught your eye, as you walked down every avenue.

There was a paddle wheel boat. An electrical parade and fireworks display in the evenings. Plus a huge white mountain with a roller-coaster inside it, called the Matterhorn. At night tinker bell came down a zip line, towards the mountain, waving at us, reminding us to dream.

It was so memorable- I can close my eyes and smell the popcorn as I write this. I can hear the wheels screeching on the rides, the laughter of families. I can feel the cool California breeze. It's still magical.

I haven't been there for twenty years. I am sure it has changed tremendously. But my memory of it, will always be that of my childhood eyes and senses and my teenage years with friends.

It has been closed during this time. The park is quiet. The amusement is on hold. There are only three other times in history, it has been closed- When JFK was assassinated, the Northridge Earthquake in 1994 and 9/11.

This closure really hits home. The silence I can actually imagine, even though I am not there. The situation we are in is so big. So global and impactful. It is going to be remembered for a long time to come.

I think we need to close our eyes more often and remember places, like this, that make us feel happy and content. Places like Disneyland. On my wall is an original Disneyland ticket book from my youth. Still full of tickets. Back then we had to use different tickets for different rides- now its just the price of admission. As a teenager my price of admission kept me there all day and night- until the gates closed.

I wish I could go there right now. Hear the marching band, as they march down main street, eat giant pink mounds of cotton candy, buy a Mickey Mouse shaped balloon. Nostalgic overload. So instead of reading the news- I choose to close my eyes and remember. Take a literal trip down memory lane.

It feels like all of the rides are combined into one right now. The juxtaposition is palpable. I feel the pull to my memory and a tug to the present uncertainty. At least if I lean back- I can feel safe and secure for awhile.

Then- Scary heights of a roller-coaster just before the drop. Dark tunnels and corridors. Twists and turns, fast spinning wheels, making me discombobulated. I am feeling very much as if the ground has dropped out, from underneath me.

But, I have to stay focused. I have to find something positive to latch on to or I will spiral out. Caramel corn and giggles. Looking up to a cloudless sky- looking at a map and deciding where to go next. I choose memory lane.

So find your "Happiest Place on Earth."- close your eyes, take a deep breath, and go there every now and again. I promise you, it will make you feel better.

The Race Has Just Begun, Pace Yourself (95)

The starting gun has been fired the sprint has begun. 

The dirt grinding under our feet, as sneakers dig and release. 

The white chalk lines, blurring as dust is exhausted behind us. 

We are not looking at the end of the course. We are not noticing those in the lane to our right and left. We are simply looking forward.

Some marathon’s keep us in good shape because we train for them. Sprints rely on our endurance. Relay requires teamwork and cooperation. 

Track and field might hone our athletic skill- but if we do not take the time to rest after the haul, we will never be able to tackle the next heat.

This obstacle course is tough. A climbing wall, tire agility and quick reflexes- each part requiring practice. But, when you are submerged into an unfamiliar sequence, a detour- we don’t have time to train. 

We simply have to run, jump, crawl, swim as fast as we can- so we have the speed to adjust. So, we have the velocity to make the turn.

This event is not a dash or sprint- it is not a marathon either. It is a chase. We might not have had the time to assemble our rations before the starting gun fired. But, as things slow ever slightly- we have a moment to formulate a plan. 

Create a new training regimen. So here we go athletes, drink plenty of water, strengthen those muscles- and let’s keep the pace.

Just Mindful Quotes (93) A Zen Post

Today I got my Zen Desk Calendar. I know its April- but I wanted a daily visual I could use every day to help me just as I sign on, transfer into teacher mode- some simple quote to help me look inward. Here are my favorites of January-March. Today is inward reflection, not outward. So a simple post.

Learn to wish that everything should come to pass exactly as it does- Epictetus

Meditation is when you sit down and do nothing. Poetry is when you sit down and do something- Norman Fischer

Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder- E.B. White

Awe is everywhere, we just don't always perceive it- Alain De Botton

A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience- Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

There is nothing you need to do first in order to be enlightened- Thaddeus Golas

'Tis very puzzling on the brink
Of what is called Eternity to stare,
And know no more of what is here
than there -Lord Byron

Nothing is more ancient than the truth- Rene' Descartes

The truth is rarely pure and never simple- Oscar Wilde

If you don't become the ocean, you'll be seasick every day- Leonard Cohen