A Blustery Time, Brings Dust in the Wind

Little actions stick. A negative glance, even in a split moment, after the moment is gone, remains heavy. We tend to let them go. But, they cover us as if we walked through a sand storm. Even the most fulfilling days at the beach, leaves behind a grit. That remains on the floor of our cars for months to come. Like dust in the wind, our words, our facial expressions, our lack of empathy- it coats. It lingers.

Negativity is like minutes, frozen in time- reminding us that things aren't going according to plan. That we want to rule the world around us but are merely pages. We have no real power other than our mindset and outlook. These days, it feels as if optimism and positivity are difficult to come by. But, if we remain negative and pessimistic- we will bring towards us, with furious energy, a weather front, charged with a powerful after effect: More negativity.

This negativity grows exponentially. We see arbiters of chaos around us. Those whose aura precedes them. Those who can not stand the calm before the storm. They have to cause the strikes and booming thunder of discord. It is hard to stay positive when the sand seems to be burying us. But, believe me- it is dangerous not to. I am a positive person. I see the good in people. I smile. I try to bring a moment of joy to peoples lives. I am the annoying one who says hello to you when you are half awake. 

But, I have found myself trapped. Unlike dust in the wind- I am a particle sinking, forever diving deeper into the castle upon which I have built my emotional well-being. I feel negative. It feels like a sticky substance coating my hands, my feet, my disposition. Everywhere I go- piling up behind me- is a residue, of stay away from me. I might be stressed. I might be disillusioned by circumstances not of my choosing or doing and things taken away from me, things added to my ever growing list- but negativity is never ok. Frustration, sullenness, discombobulation is inevitable- but harboring a layer of gloom and spreading it about- is never ok.

It has taken me a few weeks to come to terms with the fact that my attitude is on me. My frustration, sadness and disconnect might have been the effect of someone else's doing- but letting it linger and create a sense of doom in me- that is on me. I sat and meditated a long time last night. Reflecting on why. Why I am so bitter. And the reason itself is justified- but my negative outlook is not. 

I have to dive in to the positivity pool again. 

I have to dip my toes in the ocean of choice and optimism. Sand is plentiful, annoying at times too, but it is a substance used to build castles and mounds of joyful experiences. This sand, that I am now running my toes through, I take as a gift. One I can pass on. I need to take responsibility for my demeanor, my mood, my tone. I have to start new. Smell the salty, brisk mist of change. 

For it, like the tides is a daily occurrence. I have to choose to be energetic and bubbly. I have to emanate a level of optimism that is contagious. Because negativity is more so. And as of late- it has infected me deeply. I am cleansing myself of its grasp slowly but surely. It took my focus, my desire to be better. But, I am now finding the resolve to look beyond the quick sand and quagmire. I am on the right path.

So my pledge to myself as of right now, as I sit in my classroom awaiting the end of the day jostle and juxtaposition- I will keep a smile in my heart. Knowing tomorrow, I can build the largest most structurally ornate sand castle. I will try everything, even though I could fail. Positivity is gold. Shiny and coveted. So I will share my stash- because if I can bring joy to someone tomorrow and every day, in every class period- I will no longer be part of the problem, but part of the solution.

Others around me might smash down my sand castle as they jaunt about. They might cause waves of thunderous negativity. But, it is up to me to gather my bucket and shovel and rebuild. For every day, in every class period the sand is smooth. It is our footprints and foundations that create the love of the beach. It is our beach. It is our seaside haven. We just need to counteract the erosion.

The beach is a sacred space. One that needs protecting and cleansing- one that needs closing at times, I must admit. Yet, it is a gift. A shiny, glassy mirror of our outlooks. We can shape the sand, topple it, and collect it in a jar. We can dip our toes in the near by current. We can dive into the waves. This is our journey. Even if the crowds are noisy and the visitors messy- we control our shoreline. I control my sand dunes on which I climb. I control my sink holes, where I can hide in a sand storm. I the regulator of my surroundings.

B.B.'s, Bunnies, and Rogue Tortillas

Schools don't have signs "122 days since our last incident" We have strange happenings every day. Some little, unnoticeable to most. Some gossiped about and rumored after the fact. Even some strange and unusual shaping the mood and tone of the day. This day, April 3rd started out calm- even played out quiet and purposeful like most days at our school. A charter school in Albuquerque. An environment very much based around student learning, teacher engagement and smiling faces. Yesterday, a usual Wednesday, had a few bazaar events that alone would not be considered for long- but together made for a memorable hump day.

During class change before 5th period, my students were arriving to class and one of them had a large shoe box. It looked like a shoe box. No one gave it a second look until the lid popped open and inside- surrounded by unraveled toilet paper was a small brown bunny- of which they affectionately named Carlos. Carlos had gotten stuck in some construction materials right inside our building and was rescued by a teacher. This wild Lagomorpha was adorable- but a wild hare. Students wanted to pet it and snuggle it. I however, needed to get it to a safe place. It was removed by an administrator and it has been given to a local ranch that saves animals. Carlos is safe- students washed their hands and what has been named the 'bunny debacle' has been resolved. This might not seem unusual- but at our school wild animals being carried about in a shoe box is not a common occurrence.

At approximately the same time as the adventures of Carlos- some smoke filtered out of the teacher lounge. Someone had placed a tortilla in the microwave- apparently for an extensive amount of time- and it was singed and it sent its aroma throughout the building. This was reported via email with the title- Rogue Tortilla. Not appreciated by those near the area- disgruntled and frustrated staff responses with "please treat tortillas and the staff lounge with respect. Clean up after yourself." Now being reminded of civil cleansing of an eating area is common at my school- unfortunately- but the Rogue Tortilla was a reminder of the humor we carry around with us on a day to day basis. Rabbits and Tortillas.

The last event, less funny and more unexpected. When I think about it right now, I am floored by the lack of common sense. There is a Forensics Class at our school and there are many supplies in the science storeroom for it, as well as all of the other classes. In a box, in the back of a shelf were some B.B. guns and pellets used for ballistics testing. They haven't been used in ages. But a teacher was rummaging through looking for supplies for a physics experiment and ran across them. Then students in that class, asked to take them home to use in their assignment. He allowed three students to leave campus with a B.B. gun and the pellets. One student took his on the bus. Well, you can imagine the rumor and gossip and the parent reactions. Emails, phone calls and a parent escort returning the B.B. guns back to school. Now called the B.B. gun incident- is a 2 day old event but still the topic of many a conversation.

Thus the B.B's, Bunnies and Rogue Tortillas a day that will live in infamy.

Mean Girls and Bully Pulpits (Seeing the Truth about School Dynamics)

I've been a teacher for a long time. Let's just say over two decades. In that time I've been a certified educator at a mere 4 schools. I tend to stay at a school for awhile- allowing the kinks and chasms to appear and discourage before I move on. My first campus was a rough campus, angry students, angry teachers- it took all our energy to keep behavior in check in order to teach at all. I stayed 5 years. Why? To fulfill my promise to myself- I became a teacher not for recognition or glory- but to do what's best for students. To inspire students. It was a 45 minute commute and we moved across town so, change number one. As tough as the student body could be, and as frustrated as staff was on a general basis- we treated each other with respect. Administration had our backs.

My second school was a school not of behavior issues from poverty or ambivalence, but one of privilege and entitlement. Actually, thinking back on it, I'm not sure which one was tougher. This school, one in which I stayed six years until I moved out-of-state, was exhausting. Overbearing parents, helicopter guardians and Gucci handbags. But, learning was happening, and the staff was a lot more engaged in school community and functions. It felt more communal- it was more communal. The thing is- the administration was deceptive. They had their bubble and those well placed within it broke all the rules in an obvious way, and got away with it. Those not in the womb of administrative protection were heavily watched and criticized. It was a mean girls community and everyone knew it.

Then I started in a new state, in a new school, that as I accepted the position didn't look or feel like either of my previous experiences. It was a much larger school, with a lot more pockets of mean girls- but due to the sheer expanse of the building and size of faculty meetings- it was easier to avoid them, which I did. I stayed to myself. But, I ventured out of my comfort zone and took on Future City Competition, Quiz Bowl among other extra-curricular academic clubs. It was being with students and mentoring them that made those eight years both happy and memorable. Administration was supportive- actively supportive for most of that time. Listening, acknowledging, helping and guiding. I was teaching at state and local conferences, teaching science summer camps for the district- it was very fulfilling. 

Eventually though- my passion for gifted education and the opportunity to really dive deep, inspire and guide my gifted students was halted. They changed the program and lessened opportunities to thrive. So I felt I needed to move somewhere where I was needed- where I could meet the needs of students. So again, I moved to another state. This school, I was hoping- because it is so different and unique in its curriculum, structure and design- would be unique in its teacher support and culture. But, alas, it isn't. It is the location of a mean girl and bully pulpit that I was shocked to see.

Of course there are teachers of every 'stereotype'- the lazy ones only do work when someone is watching, the over-achiever too much work, on the brink of burnout, the isolationist, the socialite, and unfortunately the mean girls. We all see them, know some of them. Maybe are one of them. The self-entitled, empowered teachers who are in the bubble. The one's who can scream and temper their way into a result. The one's who get away with anything- and know it. These teachers often stay to themselves and their coven. They are the easiest to avoid- the ones who fly away, cackling, broom setting them aloft- those are the ones you really need to watch out for.

They ambush, they stalk and strategize- they huddle- and with all gusto they attack. They break spirits, crush confidence and for no reason other than to be mean they are allowed - with administrators sitting by and listening- to scream and be completely unprofessional towards other teachers. I don't care who you are- if you are a teacher talking to a parent, student, teacher or anyone at a school you should be respectful and professional. AND administrators should never allow them to be any different. Ambushing someone is awful enough- not allowing them a word in edgewise but to say you are getting defensive and force them to sit quietly and take it. Unethical and unequitable. To me- the worst tragedy possible because you just lost my respect and trust.

This did not happen to me personally. But it feels like it did.

Find the Functionality: Raise the Torch

Functionality requires removal of judgment. Purposeful discourse and meaningful reflection. As educators we thrive on integrating this- it is not always easy, for we are human. But, it is always woven into the tapestry of who we are as educators and why we stay.

There are different days as educators we traverse: faltering and tired, energetic and engaged. Just like our students we find moments to connect and retreat. We have echoes of life that follow us through the door- causing distraction and distance from the foci. The intersection of learning and lessons. The strategies of curriculum versus the blue print of our existence. Some days you see the familiar look of procedure and rules on students faces staring back at you. The "I'm here, but I'm not" glaze of expectation.

We as educators have to pull back this film, this hesitancy, this "going through the motions," both student and educator are navigating. High school students are the extreme of this- the most recognizable symptoms of possibility, prospect, probability and promise. Yet, also the heft of "I just don't care today." 

Some carry the weight of familial forecast, others are lost within the vortex of social supposition. I see it more now that I teach all high school. They can be dismissive, they can be complacent and reticent- but what I see, as their teacher, most of all is hope. They attend, collaborate and grasp the reality of what is coming next. The reality of finding the balance between then and now, future dreams unfolding and finding the path to reach their goals.

I am amazed at their insight. Frustration and disappointment both nudging them into a positive orbit. As much as we educators feel the tether loosening and the pulling away- they need us. They need us to listen and guide and let them make mistakes. I have my own young adult children and adult children. I see in them, the same things I see in my high school students. A view of the world both angry and worried, but encapsulated with a bubble of positivity and hope. As educators, we feel this way most days. But we also carry the heaviness of expectations and administrative eyes- adding to our load. The heft can be burdensome. 

Find the functionality. Listen for it. It taps, it knocks, it pounds on the door of opportunity. It is always there, even amidst the loud, ferocious doubt that darkens our optimism. 

Refuse to carry the umbrella of darkness. Refuse to get caught up in the negativity of disgruntled voices. It has been deafening lately. I have even found myself swimming in the flow of it. I have been quiet, but unwillingly I let the sticky bits get tangled in my hair. So it has been following me home. Intertwining with my balance. Causing me to feel very lopsided lately. I refuse to carry the torch of pointless negativity. I accept the beacon of clarity. I accept the lantern of change- even if it is only to change my own outlook.

Asking what is functioning, and what is not- that is key. That is the spark to light the lantern, to embellish and strengthen the torch of what education is all about. Somewhere to begin. That is where the beam points. Students are searching for the torchlight as well. They give up, they tune out, they don't complete assignments, they get overwhelmed, they shut down. We both, educator and student, go to a place only we know. Our secret place of blockage, shelter and seclusion. We need each other to help pull back the shadow. I find as soon as I open up my gate of sequestration my students notice. As they reemerge from their solitude I notice.

Yesterday was a day different and energizing, after many that left me rundown and feeling useless as an educator. Many days of feeling no matter what I did, no matter the hours of outside the classroom planning, printing, organizing and setting up- my students went through the motions but didn't appreciate anything. At least that is what it appeared to me as an educator. I stopped, I listened and I struck up conversations with my students who rarely connect with me. I asked questions- open ended provoking questions- showing my interest in anything about them- and low and behold- they responded. 

I learned some students want to be pilots. Some have massive fish tanks, some tarantula's or lizards. I learned why some love to wear bows in their hair, or colorful bowties. I discovered that some have stuffed animals or talismans kept in their pockets. I had so many conversations with so many students- I felt energized, and sad that in a week my classes will change again, and be reborn with new students crossing the threshold of my classroom. I figured out an important detail about me- as much as students can be hard to get to know, I am too sometimes. I take awhile to open up and really relax. With only 22 days in a course (if were lucky), it can cause me to feel disconnected. 

We expect to see it instantly, our impact. But most often it builds, it might be all that you get- a quick smile, collaborative discourse, the vibration of learning. Not a thank you or even assignments being turned in, that shine and show interest. But you made an impact, subtle or loud and colorful- one that they carry with them. High schoolers tend to take a lot longer to warm up to us too, they move so much during the year from teacher to teacher, that they are often reserved. Even with my energetic personality, they stay reserved. But I need to keep at it- eventually it leads to a day where I feel like an educator again.

The functionality is not lesson planning. Functionality is not discipline or procedures. It is the process, the purpose and even the components of education that are a given. The baseline. Most educators find this and build their classrooms around it. Sparkly at the edges with gorgeous classrooms and student relationships and community building. Any great teacher has all of these factors connected. It is a part of us. But the functionality, that is letting go. Letting them see your struggles and disappointment. Letting them tell you what they need- even if it isn't what you planned to teach. It is seeing the corners and rather than avoiding the sharp edges- having the strength to self-reflect, course correct and be okay with the awkward moments and disappointment.

The hugs and artwork of elementary school, we miss in high school. We tend to get the shrugs and 'huhs.' It's a learning curve. Once they trust you they lower their dividers and start to talk to you. They seek sincerity and approval just like any other student. They just are more focused inward. You can't force it- you have to be patient. I've learned to be more willing to let things go- ignore the eye rolling, accept the late work without judgement and allow for some deviation from the procedures. It is a struggle some days because again, we seek approval as much as our students do. But often our veneer is tarnished by the pressure from new procedures and often unattainable expectations.

High school students though, their endorsement comes in unique ways. It is often slow in arrival and often we might never know. But as long as we are willing to believe in the functionality as much as the components- we can have more days ending with smiles and looking forward to- rather than a reluctance and dreading returning to the classroom. 

Find the functionality- the conversations, the down time and moments to allow them to just be teenagers- or children. I just think sometimes we as high school teachers deeply want the hugs and visual, outward admiration found in the younger grade students. Find any moment to reflect, look around and notice the slight shift in behavior, conversation and gait as they leave your room. For impact is inevitable. Just some days we don't notice through the haze of expectations and performance- the giggles and excitement our high schoolers subtly exude.

The pandemic changed the world of education. It put students behind both academically and socially and its impact is far and wide. It has impacted students and educators alike. Systems are readjusting and faculties are trying to create spaces to lessen the gap. With this comes a weight, a feeling of worry and anxiety. But if we let go a little- find the functionality- we will find the bridges and stepping stones to do just that- not just 'mind the gap' but eliminate it.

When Teachers Don't Feel Valued

I've only worked at four schools in my 21 years in education. There were times when as a faculty we felt protected, valued and appreciated. There were definitely times when we as a faculty and me personally, have felt like mere cogs, no alignment just equipment in a machine. Although knowing our purpose and finding our rhythm on a personal level, never felling whole as a community. I hate feeling disparate, isolated and out of sync.

I have had amazing principals and administration. The kind that inspire and evolve with the spirit of the community. There were happy places to teach. But I have seen regime changes bring down morale leading to mass exodus. I feel kind of like that now. The waves of frustration and insecurity are flowing. Negative stances and apathy are running amuck. I am not sure how to combat it some days. Its leaking from the vents, its circulating in the ventilation and it is definitely creating a sense of anxiety in teachers and students alike.

I am trying to keep my head down- focused on my room (that is a safe place, a creative space) but even that seems to be ebbing as of late. Bad behavior like a running competition between students. Apathy is a disease. It is like a cancer slowly degrading the once sunny disposition of our school. Complaining, bickering- its constant. What were once smiles and waves are now down-trodden gaits and sighs of disappointment. It comes in waves I keep reminding myself. But it feels more like a surge this time.

When teachers attend meetings with administrators and their concerns are not addressed- or heard but not valued- it sets a tone. When administrators feel like they know more and set standards that conflict with teacher concerns and daily situations- it sets a tone. When clarity and consistency are only expected from teachers not administration- it sets a tone. The tone is vibrating a rhythm in defiance of  the norm. We feel it and our dander is tufted and our anxiety heightened. It is affecting morale, it is affecting discourse leading it into one of complaint rather than creativity.

Walk the walk and keep your head down- right? But when all you hear around you is negative- it takes its toll. When you feel ignored and undervalued it makes what you do meaningless in your mind and the apathy and complacency of others seeps in and entangles you. I do not like this one bit- but I am not sure how to escape the vibe. Even staying away from the deluge, it creeps in. My classroom is not air tight or a vacuum. The inevitable sneak attack is frequent.

I understand that there is a lot of pressure on administrations as well- but you must stop for a moment and listen. You must stop for a moment and observe the facial expressions and gaits of your faculty. We are all worn down and feeling a lot of anxiety. We need to be heard. I am worried about a mass exodus and it will only put more strain on me. So please reset the tone by not hollow words of encouragement but real change and listen to our concerns.

The Deep Leviathan: An Educational Journey

The caliginous space seemed scary at first. Misty and cloudy enough to create a sense of curiosity and adventure. But also, an opaqueness that caused me to feel around in the dark for a tether. It was new, this path. Gravel at first poking through the soles of my experience. Thorny shrubbery scratching with their abrasive reach. Strong enough to be a blatant reminder that I was walking in unfamiliar territory. Hushed and quiet for moments to lure and lull. Then bustling with leviathan and mammoth- rising from the deep. The slosh of the impending splash, rising with every step.

My eagerness was swallowed temporarily by tumultuous chaos. Swirling and undulating like the heartbeat of a large sea monster. Those insecurities of change and expectation: They lurk, they hunt, they devour. Tentacles binding. But great divers, they come prepared. Full tank, tight mask, sleek suit of protection. They venture into open waters where the space, location, and scenery are familiar, yet not. This new territory, unforgiving yet somehow welcoming. It is stitched into our fabric- like algae covering the surface. Taking in the sun for nourishment, all the while, creating a caliginous layer of twilight. Both magnificent and desolate.

This is my high seas. I have laid anchor here. The deck inundated with the waves. The salty brine tickling my nose. I, a teacher do not surrender to its impatience- I take my stance. I know the crest will come and the swells will jostle me about the current. It always does, this navigational drama. Yet, through the upsurge I go. At times my ship takes on water, it feels as if it will capsize. The vibrations of twirl and twist can be discombobulating, up is down and right is left. Corkscrew and curl knock me down. But I catch my breath, I manage to steer clear of the rocky peninsula. 

Sometimes landfall is to be avoided because the tricks of the trade are found far from shore. The comfort of the solid can obscure the imbalance, and from this billow and breaker of hesitancy and doubt, comes creativity and endurance. From this ridge and heave and foamy view- comes those moments of settling in, building resilience and strengthening confidence. I know this better than anyone. My dyslexia and autism the leviathan and mammoth that swim around me. They both navigate me into the storm and away from it. I keep them lower case, blended into my nature. 

The tidal spirits of my personality. They are indelible. Stirring up every demon that I have ever encountered and empowering me to track them- never attack them or endanger them, emboldening me to feed them, nurture them, welcome them to rise from the depths and splash me with insecurity. Because this tsunami of fear has trained me to be a great swimmer. A cautious yet brave diver. A problem-solver. But, these leviathan and mammoths also tire me. They drift me to a safe haven far from prying eyes. An island of refuge. My isolation brings me comfort. I can lie in the sun and rejuvenate. I can seek the mist and shadows. I can find strategies to cope and strive. 

Teaching is all of these things. Deep sea, with scary creatures and a darkness heavy and sullen. Open seas, bouncing and jostling awake within you such a beautiful frame of mind to remind you why you chose this journey. The shallow shorelines where you are protected from predators and feel safe to tiptoe into the sandy muck. But it is also the high seas, too vast to traverse alone. Yet, we hunker down on our ships, built from experience and wonder- and we try. Every day we try. This is why we reach out to other fellow oceanographers, cartographers and even yes, pirates. Because we know the knowledge gained will be the anchor.

These past months I have had many a changes in my professional career. I have changed from being a middle school teacher to a high school teacher. I moved from a classroom surrounded by visitors and friends to a hallway of strangers. Brief conversations but still closed doors. I am teaching new science topics, learning new things everyday- which I love. I am a mentor to another teacher. I am a peer mentor to students. I am raising my anchor so that I can maneuver into new unchartered waters. And as exciting as the unknown is- my leviathan and mammoths are heavy. They are never too far off the stern.

I am a word smith, writer, scribbler of prose- yet for months I have had nothing to say. I have not written a word for months. Yet, this caliginous morning- rainy and windy with a hint of crackly energy- I found my voice. Both poetic as always but with a hint of reporter. I, a journalist of sorts, seafarer and navigator. With a briny disposition. But more an orator of the mystical and magical use of words. I tend to write with imagery rather than realism. This is because this is how my dyslexia and autism report the world to me. My mind not one of literal but of the whimsical.

So this takes me back to the premise of this blog- the deep leviathan, the often overwhelming, isolating, stressful world of education. It can feel as if we are floating in the tumultuous open seas, sea creatures nipping from the dark. It can feel like we have sunk to the dark depths of the ocean- angler fish our only source of luminescence- and these angler fish have sharp teeth. It can feel as if we are trying to steer our ship, jostling and surging in the storm full circle back into the chaos- and we are. Because we are captain and divers. Navigators and swimmers. We swim. We dive. We map out our route to calm seas. But as we are going through the tsunami- we sometimes lose sight of the rebirth that happens once we make it through.

I have been in school for three weeks. Six classes- 4 completely different topics in science. We call them flavors. It takes a lot of planning, implementing and patience. It takes a lot of diving, swimming and navigating. But, I have a sturdy bow. As I look over into the murky waves, I see my leviathan and mammoth sea creatures: tails rising and disappearing, bodies rolling and diving and I feel comfort in knowing they are there. They, the resilience, endurance and faith I have in my skill set to weather the anxiety and joy of what I do. I hope my voice has risen from the depths and has returned. For months a silent mermaid now an aquatic scribe.

I hope you find your voice, your leviathan and mammoth sea monsters to keep you a float and in the center of the storm to come. For education is a storm even on the best of days. It is a beautiful, fulfilling and arduous place to find yourself in. It is exciting and remarkable but also exhausting, frustrating and down right scary like the ocean itself. Just remember to look up once in awhile and notice the mist, the cloudy yet spectacular caliginous skies of teaching. Stay buoyant my friends and have a great school year.

 

At Least, If Only

It's a strange time, so many public events are out of our control. Grocery shopping, doctors office visits, teaching. Devastating events are now daily occurrences. Reminders of our fragility. Reminders to be cautious. We can't prepare- not really. We can discuss and be proactive. We can be observant. But, in the end, we can only stay vigilant. For the wave of angst, unhappiness and violence can occur anywhere.

These days I always seem to be looking out for calamity. Checking the lock on my classroom door. Listening for any weird noises in the hallways. Watching reactions and behaviors of those near me. I want to stay positive and trust strangers, but I have found, I just don't anymore. I took for granted that people are inherently good. This is not to say that most people are not good people- for I know this to be true. 

But, I used to walk around, believing those around me were. I never really felt unsafe. Now that I am more observant I see the rudeness in behaviors. I hear the outbursts and temper tantrums that I used to walk away from. They are all more frequent now and more brazen. The energy is heavy.

I have always scanned the fuselage upon getting on an airplane and counted the rows back and front to the emergency exits. I have always paused at a red light in anticipation of the speedy traveler late for work. But these days, I have found myself scanning and pausing more- and I am more focused on those around me. Scanning the aisle at the grocery store, looking at exterior doors making sure they aren't propped open. I find I am avoiding large venues and crowds- not because of Covid 19, but because of the heaviness in the air. I prefer to be home these days, more than usual.

At least and if only. Two regrets we carry around with us. Shaping our decisions based on past experiences. 

I do not want to carry these around after my safety or the safety of my students, family or friends was put front and center. I want to use them as a defense- reminding myself to stay vigilant. I still go out. Not necessarily to the movie theater- a dark room, strangers. But I do shop and I am teaching summer school for a week. I am not homebound. But I do weigh things a lot more. I make choices I would not have considered before. I find myself erring on the side of caution. This is good, as long as I don't let it keep me from doing things, enjoying life.

I have a mind full of caution. I envision calamity and try desperately to avoid it. But, I know ultimately I can not prevent it. I can plan, be observant, take all precautions- but when and where devastation occurs is not in my control. The uneasiness is hefty some days but I push through it. I smile and have fun. I interact and live my life. I am coping, but it is a daily struggle sometimes to focus on more positive things.

Most people would not know this weary is circling me. Most days feel normal- in the sense I am doing what I usually do. I am out in the world as I have always been. I think most of us are all surrounded by this pause, this scanning impulse. I think it has had me in dark places as of late- fearful and hesitant. I am writing about it now, after months of not writing because I think I need to disperse the energy. It feels like a release of sorts- in order to allow me to focus on other things.

I am sending everyone out there feeling the same heaviness- a hug. I hope you all stay safe. That you enjoy your summer. That you listen to your instincts and stay active and aware.

Thank you for reading this blog, my first in months and hopefully the first of a new flow of energy, a new zone of words that I can articulate in a post. 

I am now teaching high school, same school -a new adventure. I hope to have new insights into moving from middle school to high school to share. I am helping with peer mediation and leadership now at my school, as well, and I hope to share my stories with this new experience as well. So new insights, new adventures are upon me. 

I have felt quiet lately, stifled. Like I really didn't have anything of interest to share. But now my voice, my stories are finding the letters, words and images necessary to make sense. They are finding sentences and paragraphs- thank goodness. I am feeling more articulate. So more blogs to come my friends.

Circumnavigation: Nudges and Shoves

This is dedicated to everyone who feels overwhelmed, exhausted and a bit off kilter. Does this sound familiar? If so, deep breath and take time, as much time as you need.  Convalesce and retreat when needed. Jump in full throttle when you feel up to it. You be you my friend.

The Laden

A tickle, an itch, almost a dull ache- it hummed deep inside. At times a nudge. At times a shove. Reminder imminent, always imminent. Today, I start to type, slowly an idea comes to fruition and letters combine into words, words into sentences, etc. 

Writing has always been a release for me, a catharsis, rebirth. But for weeks I’ve been blinded by concern, responsibility, and plain ol’ doubt and hesitancy. 

I guess even the tap on the shoulder from my inner wordsmith, couldn’t harness me from my mental wandering. I observed, listened and documented. Being a documentarian rather than a writer. Nothing above the fold.

I scribbled, scripted and reported in my journal. Notes more definitional than expository. I just didn’t feel the passion I usually do for prose. Too many ideas floating, circling the drain and just as I noticed them- they swirled away. 

News reports and gas prices, wars and fires- they pulled my focus from the expressive reflection. Like the ideas that have been ebbing and flowing, searching and undulating, I was floating between self-reflection and apprehension. I have been circumnavigating calm, focused thoughts. 

Nothing specific. If someone asked me “Why so glum?” I wouldn’t have an answer. There is no pinpoint, no determinate. I am simply hovering, board stiff, air thick- waiting for solid ground. Am I sad, no. Am I anxious or melancholy, no. It is a strange, grainy malaise that can’t seem to dissipate. 

It is chilly and prickly, like the dense fog of my favorite city. A scoop of gloom, minus the doleful pensivity. Just a tickle, itch, dull-ache that hums deep inside. Today the nudge became a shove. Reminder befallen. Keys clicking- I write.

This morning amidst the traffic laden pathways of my creativity, it appeared. A bypass. My inner compass started to twirl and I skirted the befuddle and addle, finally immersing beneath the clouds into sunshine. 

A landscape not envisioned for these last few months. The sharpness and precision were breathtaking. This morning, sitting in my classroom, watching my students collaborate and engage- created a platform for my mind to readjust and reorient. 

The Rejig

When clarity arrives it can be with confetti and cheers, or it can creep in like a warm draft. Mine tiptoed in like a long lost thought. A collision of consciousness and cynosure. Suddenly it was here, wriggling and empowered. 

It felt entitled, accustomed to being front and center. I’ll admit it felt a bit betrayed, abandoned. So it took a few minutes to make it feel welcomed. Then it made known its habitual stance, redirecting my frame of mind into an overdrive, very much missed. 

The hazy interference, static popping and echo waned. 

My diversion abated, I was now able to see the little things I’ve been missing in my day to day routine- curiosity, eagerness and hope. Past tense switched to present tense. A simplicity of certainty. 

I now see the shapes and flexibility of interaction. I hear the conversations around me- and for the first time in a long time- I want to converse. 

I want to schmooze and I am not a conversationalist. Words emerge both verbally and calligraphy.

I tend to stay in my own head, but with the cobwebs, free and clear and the spring flowers blooming, I am unexpectedly sprightly. Positivity snuck in alongside my clarity. Approach unnoticed at first. It feels good.

The draft became a gust- bringing a smile to my face. Students giggling, making stop-motion videos. Drawing stories on whiteboards- their creativity blossoming. It reminds me that optimism is apace with uncertainty. Resiliency is closeby. Hope, in and of itself, is resilient, even when we ignore its tug.

Shamble, straggle and stumble. Emotions cause some to vent in unpredictable ways. Overt frustration, or quiet discontent is rampant. It is heavy in the air, and unfortunately it is expanding. It is condensing, forming the misty disillusionment most of us feel in the background. 

The white noise that follows us. The nudge, the itch, the tickle in our throat, reminding us that the dust is still settling. Not sadness or melancholy- just a sandy film. Yet, it can cover our path, leading us deeper into the duster. 

The cloudiness is temporary, if we listen carefully, we can avoid the quicksand.

There is hope found in isolation. Beneath the grains, abrasion. Leaving behind a fresh layer of insight. It feels discombobulating while the granules are blinding, but after the funnel, after the dust devil settles- the clarity can be heard, knocking on the door. 

The itch, the tickle, the ache slowly subsided for me. Hope has entered and movement regained. Sand castles and buckets. Sunshine and beach towels bright with springtime color. The once monotone field of view has begun to go Kodachrome. Hue, glow and aspect not creeping in like a warm draft, but exploding with confetti and cheer.

If recent times have taught me anything, they have taught me to embrace the dust devils and sudden blindness. To blink. To rest. To rejuvenate and convalesce. To get outdoors, to get away, to read and relax. To not take on the weight of the world. To not bury myself in the sand for too long.

It has also taught me that waiting for inspiration is allowed. 

Also, expectations are generally laid upon us by ourselves. That mental health is as important as physical well-being. It is a time frame unique to each of us. Positivity and optimism is not a law. We are not required to be happy all the time. Respectful, yes. Growth-oriented and motivated, hopefully. 

But, we all need a break, when we need a break. So take it.

For after a respite, you just might find eagerness, hope and resilience have always accompanied you down your individual path. Let the draft enter with a gentle creep, or a cheerful, confetti filled celebration. But welcome it when it feels like the right time. But also, approve the down-time. The quiet, withdrawn vacation space for mental rejuvenation.

I wish you time to find your positivity and optimism. But also the time to feel negative and melancholy. For both are so intertwined in our navigation. Trying to circumnavigate either is not healthy. Embrace your emotions. They hold your truth.

I wish you physical and mental health, however they feel and materialize for you. You are brave, tenacious and beautiful- you be you. 

Pi Day

It is amazing how much notoriety a number has. An infamous number, Pi. Like May the 4th behind it as the Star Wars festivity. We love to celebrate. We wear green, drink Margarita's and dress in full regalia. We paint eggs, adorn trees with colorful lights and watch the darkened skies for vibrant, explosions of independence. We send hearts to loved ones, baskets of flowers to mothers and ties to fathers. We even celebrate our teachers, assistants and grand parents. All deserving of gratitude of course.

Why do we celebrate all of the above- we need something to tie us together. Commonality. Inclusion and connectedness.

We celebrate cookies, sausage, pets and donuts. If we created it or found it- we celebrate it. National this or that day. International this or that day. It is crazy. But we humans like to celebrate. To feel proud, happy and energetic. I for one am all about the little celebrations- we need them as of late. I celebrate finding my keys, making it to work on time, my coffee in the morning. I celebrate finishing a blog posts, getting a great evaluation. I celebrate student success, lessons that went well and the end of the day.

But I celebrate just as much beginning a new day- waking up and seeing my family. Petting my over affectionate cats. Listening to great tunes.

and for this I celebrate. This realization that celebration is a glue. The confetti. The warm hot tea. The calm on a Sunday.

Sunday Calm

Sunrise creeps, indeed it does

Over peaks and snow capped tips

It says peek-a-boo this cold March day

Luring the sleepy into wake

It whispered with fog and mist

Cold and damp

Keeping us inside

There is a calm, a sense of solitude

Sunday is not about hustle

but retreat

into a book

listening only to the purr

of cat contentment

waving back at the stretching rays

of spring 

The Benefits of Cycling Students

Coming from a public school setting with 30-32 students in a classroom, trying to stay afloat, learning names was challenging but once you did- you knew these students all year. They stayed in your classroom growing and changing and by the end of the year- you got to see such a transformation. It was awesome.

These days at a charter school, things are different. Every 4 weeks high school changes term and every 8 weeks middle school changes quarters. So a new set of names (15-18) for five classes occurs more frequently. But, this year, my first in this style of organization- I have gotten many students multiple times. Along side many new students.

I miss the atmosphere of a year long course, but I value this style- flavors and choice, more like college. I value the pace, the variety of science topics/curriculum I get to teach. Biology, physics, astronomy etc. I appreciate the opportunity to get to know 6th graders, 7th graders and 8th-9th graders. The juxtaposition of energy of 6th graders and high schoolers.

Having both middle and high in a week week term makes things interesting. I really enjoy the small class sizes and cycling of students. Giving them choice of classes makes a difference- they feel like they have a voice and this is important. It creates buy in and interest. I might be losing out on the long-term relationships over 9 months- but in exchange- I have the opportunity of meeting so many students in our 900 student campus.

This is rewarding.

Why Reflection is Important: A Teacher's Clarity

I moved from Texas to New Mexico six months ago. I had been at my last school for eight years: coaching multiple academic teams: Future City, National Science Bowl, Academic Quiz Bowl. I worked nights and summer camps at the STEAM CENTER. I was busy. I taught at local, regional and state conferences. I was a planner and a doer. I was a relentless go and get it spirit. I burnt myself out. I could never allow myself to slow down- I was invested, rooted, persistent. But, I was happy. Run down and frazzled, but happy.

I have only taught at 4 schools. Spending many years at each. This being my 21st year. My first at my new school. I have been in the public sector- and it is where I plan to remain. But I did make the shift from large district to charter. Still considered public, but individually run and organized. It was a definite shock to the system at first. The procedures are different, the process and expectations in education are universal however. So it was more of a micro-shift rather than a macro-shift.

The biggest pivot has been the slow down. I am not a mentor/coach, there is not STEAM Center to dedicated my time to. I have a club, but we meet during our designated club times on Friday's (schoolwide). So for these last six months a sense of doldrum has set in. I feel lazy even though I am teaching high school and middle school- a huge shift and pushing myself in other ways. It is a rhythm shift- my cadence has slowed but my performance hasn't. My stamina is in overdrive, with no outlet. I feel like my wheels are spinning- splattering the mud. 

So I decided this last week to actively seek opportunities in my school that may present themselves. Get out there an find a way to share my passion for education, gifted education and mentorship. I put my ear to the ground and found several. I settled on taking on a major next year- EDUCATION- where high schoolers get college credit for following with a cohort a set of classes (basically AP) but we do not have AP at my school. I am trying to get a pronounced gifted program in place here on my campus and I am becoming a Peer mentor in the mentorship program here about future jobs in the field of education.

I needed something to spark my creativity and drive. I have been in a rut lately. But, I moved because I felt in a rut at my last school. I felt I had no place to go- administration is not for me. I need growth. I needed to find new growth opportunities. Thus, my relocation. Finally I am getting my footing and ideas have started flowing and opportunities often present themselves when we open ourselves up to new growth and change.

Reflection is very much a part of my wheelhouse- I journal and blog daily. I knew my kindle was not igniting and I knew I needed more material, more fuel. I think I have found it. I attended my first PAC meeting. I am on a team about school improvement and curriculum enhancement at my school. I have started planning my major curriculum and my first peer meeting is after spring break. So I am colliding into the groove once again. I miss my mentoring of science/academic endeavors but I think I need to slow things down a bit and focus on how I can bring about change. How my voice can inspire others.

This has been a lot of reflection but I finally feel more connected in my field. More driven with new experiences on the horizon. I have not encountered any of these new roles before and I am looking forward to finding out how they will change me. So off I go into the new horizons and I am feeling the tingle of a new outlook.

Unicorns and Dragons- Classroom Magic

A unicorn gallops like a horse, mane blowing in the wind, even if a breeze in absent. Rainbow and glitter. Sometimes with a magical tune humming in the background. Many days unicorns are nowhere to be found, they linger, they peek their head in the door- but they remain aloof. I mean they live far away in the magical kingdom right? 

Dragons, they seem to lay atop the golden treasure, sparkly and shiny. Tidbits of townsfolk hoarded and hidden. Their scales are snug and thick. Layered with protection and certainty. Long spiked tales whipping in the air- creating lift. These creatures seem to fly in daily and make an appearance. They land with a thud. They breathe fire if necessary- which always seems necessary. They can leave destruction in their wake- for they are destroyers. They are acting on instinct.

I choose not to define which lessons are unicorns and which are dragons. For most educators have their own definitions of what they feel is successful or not. But, lately I have seen the scorched Earth, trails of soot- described on the Internet. I have heard fantastical stories of heroes and princesses. Castles with turrets and bright flowing flags. But also of swamps and dark forests where villains lurk.

It is a magical world of education that we live in. Haunted by ghosts of education past. Plagued by voices and mystics of education future. We dodge fireballs, hide amongst the trees and forge moats and battlefields to protect ourselves. The dragons and unicorns are visible in the skies above. But the creatures not great but small are also foraging and nestling around us. Choose to see all directions. Look up, gaze down and find your groove- I know you are amazing and your tune will guide you to the fortress or village faire you choose to reside in.

Watching the World Go Round and Round

Two years ago the world stopped. It kept spinning, nature kept growing and dying- bringing beauty and decay. Personalities shifted. Attitudes altered. Routines halted. It's been a humanity level change- so large it will be written about, remembered and slowly overcome for many years to come. "Remember when we had to wear masks?" "Remember when Covid changes the planet in an epidemic event not unseen?" I mean, we have had epidemics of this caliber in the past. But, we felt invincible. We felt we had a handle on things. 

"Life goes on." Many say, and yes after tragedy, we adjust and pivot and continue on. Humanity has done that for quite a while. But with this shift, with this event- it feels different now. Judgement and mock are abundant. Division and slander are alive and kicking everywhere- not just on the Internet. In grocery stores, on highways, in classrooms. It is a guttural shift in deep seeded in personal bias and guile. Many feel justified to do unthinkable acts. 

I don't mean violence in all cases either. Treating our brethren with malice and distaste. Disrespect and malcontent. The things I hear people saying to one another. The braziness that has erupted from this Earth shattering event will not be going away I feel. The habit of meanness and personal vendetta seems like its ramping up now that masks are coming off and mandates are lifted.

The world will keep going round and round. Emotions entangled and communication raught and tempered. Everyone is feeling displaced. I feel the lava bubbling, the gases choking off kindness and mindfulness. Many trying to combat the fatigue. But it is rumbling- this uneasiness and it feels very much not like the end of two years of uncertainty but the beginning of more.  I just hope those who want to breed malcontent and bitterness find their peace and realize- the only way to truly rebuild is to grab a productive tool, not raise a bulldozer to destroy the foundation of reconstruction.

A Canoe or Kayak

Some days it feels like you are floating down stream but there is a hindrance, an obstacle. The canoe is struggling to go straight. It's bumping into rocks, sand bars, getting caught in river vortex. It requires two, rowing on opposite sides to keep it moving forward. The moment one stops the rhythm- the canoe goes in a circle.

Often these days we are finding it hard as educators to row on both sides, to keep the balance. So we feel entangled in a current both swirling and tumultuous.

We switch to kayak's sometimes. Where it is a more even keeled cadence. Where we feel balanced and in sync. Where the flow carries us lightly and smoothly. But this kayak is heavy, and often we resort to the canoe. We expect an easy ride but exhaustion slows us down.

But, we need both canoe and kayak

Frenzy and excitement and comfortability and calm. 

I hope you find both. 

A Call for Perfection #52

There has always been a call for perfection: the perfect body, the perfect social persona, the perfect score. Win, win, win. Only smile and say positive things. Never complain. Always look at the bright side of life. Toxic positivity they call it. I think no one is happy all the time. Walking around on rose petals and singing songs of joy and optimism.

Life is messy. It is both beautiful and ugly. It is full of people who inspire us, lead us to great heights. It is marked by people who tear us down and break us. We have days of contentment. Others of depression and anxiety. Yet, we were raised to always put a smile on our face and stay positive. There has always been a call for perfection.

We all understand that the social feeds of people's lives full of gorgeous food and clothes and destinations- people frolicking on the beach 24/7 are facades. We know this yet, we seek it. We so want people to like us. We want others to follow us. We want people to envy us. But perfection is messy, like life, it is full of failures and mistakes. So why do we cling so much to the need to be perfect? To be seen as perfect? When we know in our hearts it doesn't exist.

Mental health has started to become a buzzword. Recent events have plunged many into the realms of  stress laden days and insomnia filled nights. But, many still cling to the surface film of "that is them, not me." Accepting that we struggle is the first step. That asking for help is human and necessary is step two. The umbrella under which all of these steps preside- real life. Real life is hard. Getting up for work is a struggle for many- having a job even more so.

I try to stay positive. But, I am not always so. My motto- negativity is a warm blanket, just as much as positivity. We yearn for connectedness and sometimes the negativity train arrives first at the station. We grab hold of what we need, to feel a part of something. But negativity has a cost- it is more expensive in the long run. For when we throw stones at someone else- we forget others are throwing some at us too. We have to clean up the mess of publicized negativity.  

Everyone is judged. Everyone has a persona they are trying to maintain. Negativity attracts more negativity.

Anxiety and depression are a part of life. 

Everyone goes through them. 

Everyone struggles with them. 

Some bounce back quicker than others. But everyone has felt them. Yet, they seem like flaws. So, we try to hide them. But, when we face them- as mole hills and not mountains- we can combat them with a shovel rather than a Earth mover or plow. We need to accept that perfection doesn't exist. Every situation has its rough edges. Everyone needs a little adjustment, pivot, and shuffle now and then.

I say there needs to be call for honesty. 

For conversation. 

For acceptance and warmth. 

If we can talk about our struggles, someone will hear. Someone who needs to hear they are not alone- will hear. I know I write about it- others podcast, write and blog about it too. There is a camaraderie of those of us who struggle. We need to keep sharing. We need to keep honest. We need to share our stories. 

For the opposite of perfection is not failure or a flawed existence- it is growth, movement, innovation and creativity. It is the opposite of finality- because we know the road is still unfolding. That my friends is hope.

The Bond of Teacher and Parent #51

As a parent I was hands-on. I met with teachers, talked to them- got to know them. I saw the classroom and teaching preferences from a unique perspective. I did not always agree with their methods, but I never talked bad about them to my children. I instilled in them a sense of respect for their teachers. I do not always see the same respect- students can be misguided, misbehaved and even mislead- but in their hearts they are good people. We just need to listen and guide.

Parents often do not understand our path- our struggles- the fact that their child is not our only student. That we are juggling many things in the air at the same time- and we are trying to keep everything level and progressing. We are doing our best and by forging relationships with teachers- we are strengthening the foundation on which their children are growing and learning.

The Bond That Strengthens

I wish that every parent and teacher knew that as educators, parents are our best allies. They know their child better than anyone: their personality, struggles, quirks and beautiful nuances. They entrust their children to us daily, they believe we will do what is best for their child and when we don’t do this, they are our harshest critic. I personally appreciate their feedback. Parents should hold teachers to a high standard. They should pay attention to their child’s education and learning atmosphere. Is it a community? Is it a safe haven? Do their children feel safe and eager to be in school?

Parents listen to teachers’ opinions, often following their lead, without doubt, because they understand that they have their child’s learning and growth at heart. They know a great teacher when they meet one. They ask other parents, who their children had as a teacher, because they want to be prepared for the upcoming year. Teachers and parents are collaborators, at least they should be. They each carry with them part of the treasure map. Together the two halves, lead us to the perfect semblance of discipline, guidance and love. When they communicate regularly, and believe in the value of each other’s input, parents and teachers create a world where learning is where it should be, at the center of classroom life. 

I wish parents knew that we value them, appreciate their input. I wish teachers knew that parents, even though at times are overbearing and aggressive, are just looking out for their child. If they did, students would unequivocally know, we are all on the same side. They have caring eyes on them at home and at school. That they can ask questions, ask for help and share with us their struggles and frustrations so we together, can better serve their needs. I wish as a student, my parents and teachers had this collaboration, maybe then my formative learning years would have been more fruitful. Parents are a teacher’s greatest ally. In the education of their child, a teacher is a parents’ greatest ally. But, only through purposeful, meaningful dialogue can true cooperation take place.

A Makerspace Place #50

 Why Have a Makerspace?

When we have a hankering for something to eat, we want not just cheesy potato skins, but a chicken wing and a deep fried something, to go with it- a sampler plate, pu pu platter, a tasting board. Or we want something simpler like a cracker and cheese plate with fruit. Our taste buds are not always satiated with something salty or savory. We need a smorgasbord of options, that is why restaurants offer menus, some more extensive than others, but always a variety of scrumptious options. 

This is our culinary makerspace, our palette of appetizers, main courses and desserts. It keeps eating exciting, offering an endless array of combinations. It allows our minds to get creative, to try new things, to build and construct a meal from scratch or to enjoy the masterpieces of others. Either way, this cornucopia of umami, bitter, sour, sweet and savory lets us choose what is delicious for us personally. It provides a tool cupboard, a pantry, for us to view and pull our spices and ingredients from. This way we can mix and match, add and blend, until we have masterfully cooked a delicious meal.

Classroom makerspaces need to be simple enough to be accessible and welcoming to every student- to big of a selection can be intimidating. But, too limiting can hinder creativity. A balance of recyclables, reusables and old and new items is what works best for my students. Some makerspaces are designed around crafts. Some are specific to technology and coding. While some are full of paper and art supplies, others are full of Lego and construction supplies. For our classroom makerspace, I have the basics: various styles of paper, crayons, paint and sparkly things, but I also have plastic bobbles, paper towel and toilet paper rolls, old CD’s, yarn, different cloth cut outs, pipe cleaners, playing cards, game pieces from old, game boards etc. Anything and everything.

How to Get Started?

The most important thing in designing and building a usable, extensive, yet welcoming makerspace is asking for donations. At the end of the summer, parents are cleaning out garages and backpacks and getting ready for the new school year. They have an avalanche of supplies bound for the garbage. You just need to spark their interest and they will, instead of dumping them in the trash, will put them in a box and deliver them to your classroom. They must come to open house and get their child’s schedule, locker etc. If they know you are building a cool learning space for their child, they will gather tons of supplies. They will volunteer to get rid of junk from their garage- they want it to find a home. All you need to do is ask. They will also bring in a lot of new supplies, parents are very generous when they know the purpose of why you are asking.

About two weeks before school, when rosters become available, I know they change a bit, but not too much at this point, I go in to our system and set up a mass email. I generally hate mass emails but, in this case, I make an exception. I send one per class. It is a welcome letter and an explanation of my student-centered classroom design. I give them an explanation of how our classroom makerspace is used and how every year it gets enhanced and supplied through donations- not of just new stuff but recyclables and junk. The only things not permitted in our makerspace are glass, sharp objects and non-dried food items. Everything else is welcome and it amazes me the variety of things that make their way to our makerspace.

Getting it Set Up

Generally, I have two long tables down the middle of the classroom, underneath the tables are various crates and containers and on top of the tables- bins of the more day to day materials. I like to combine materials and have students dig through the boxes for ideas. I rarely have everything out at the same time- I shift storage bins depending on the unit. It is like at home when I hide some of my 8-year old’s toys for a bit, then switch toy boxes every month or so, it keeps his interest. My students get excited when the blue creates, are now the red boxes etc. They begin to remember what supplies they are missing and look forward to being able to use them again- play-doh is one of these supplies. Students absolutely love play-doh, so if I do not make it ‘disappear’ they will hone in on that first.

A makerspace can be small and compact- an art supply nook in the corner of your classroom. It can be boxes of recyclables or it can be one long table down the middle of the room. I like the center of the room, accessible from both sides approach. This way they see the supplies daily and it continues to be a focal point in the learning environment. Since my classroom is student-centered, they use it just about every day to make quick demos, design visual representations of body systems and to even design Rube Goldberg machines at the end of the year. They can use it to tinker and design during combinatory play or to get ideas on how they want to teach a concept to the class, it is not a free for all- they use it for my class only- but it is accessible always.

Here is a list to get you started- the basics of any makerspace. But the organic and natural design will fluctuate and change as more supplies arrive. It is awesome when you ask for just about anything- what you will get. The crazier the supply, the more creative students will become. One last thing, you should have volunteers/helpers set up in each class, to help reorganize and keep it clean. Students need to put things back and clean up every day, but if you have helpers, it will never get to unorganized and messy. I am a neat freak and it took me awhile to get comfortable with the messy aspect of a makerspace, but it is important that it feels and appears to be a place used and loved, not a pristine place they are reluctant to utilize.

Please check out several of my earlier posts about makerspace activities we have done in my classroom, for more ideas.

                                                                  Basic Makerspace Supplies

•      Toothpicks       • Card stock

•      Straws •  Toilet paper rolls

•      Craft sticks      •  Paper towel rolls

•      Pipe cleaners •  Sponges

•      Q-tips   •  CDs

•      Spaghetti   •  Rubber bands

•      Plastic silverware       • Paperclips

•      Paper plates/bowls   •  Scotch tape

•      Small cups       •  Duct tape

•      Coffee filters   •  Masking tape

•      Aluminum foil       •  Cardboard

•      Plastic wrap    •  Beads and sparkles

•      String    •  tissue paper

•      Yarn      •  Play dough

•      Playing cards •  Crayons and markers

•      Index cards     •  Foam balls

•      Scrap paper     •  Lego bricks

Finding Meaning in Education #45

I read an article today on meaningful work. The vagueness on what that means and what most people feel is meaningful work. It did not discuss education specifically but I see the parallels. The article "What is Meaningful Work" by Joe Keohane -sparked an interest in me. It sparked something- reminded me as to why education can be meaningful for many of us, but for some, it causes them to lose their passion and inspiration for it. 

What is so powerful about education that many of us enter and stay for our careers- we dig in and dive deep and find inspiration and longevity?

Meaning is personal, what fulfills us, challenges us, keeps us interested and goal oriented- is a uniqueness to each and every one of us. Education holds a meaning unlike many other professions- it creates a drive and endurance, that is ingrained in us educators- not to say other professions don't do the same thing- just that education is a profession a "calling" that is not lucrative, so money is not a lure- it is often lonely and isolating- not a draw, and it requires patience, thick skin and passion. 

For if you lose any of these- you tend to veer away from it. It is a constant balancing act- equilibrium is nonexistent- for we can not control the ebbs and flows of student behavior, student interest, and the forces of administration and policy. We are trapeze artists trying to hold tight to the trapeze, all the while watching the audience to try to keep their gaze. We climb up the ladder, willingly, we depart and swing to the highbar- knowing that we might miss and fall. But, we keep doing it- knowing that most days we will land safely on the goalpost.

So is that commitment meaning?

As the article explains, hunter-gatherers found meaning in supporting and protecting their families. The Industrial Revolution changed the meaningfulness of artisans and building something from beginning to end- feeling a deep connection to the engineering and artistry of capitalism, into a more productive, efficient and assembly line version of it. Workers lost their meaning, their connection to the work. 

But in education- when did that happen? When did we become so politicized and downtrodden? When did politicians and lobbyists and voices of discontent enter our realm- most of whom have never stood in a classroom, taught, or even understand classroom dynamics- and take over the narrative?

When did many educators lose hope, lose passion, lose the momentum to work through this turmoil that has besieged us? 

Last week I counted many Tweets about- last days, early retirement, and leaving from frustration- from educators around the globe. It saddened me. It made me wonder what happened- how was the meaning and inspiration was drained from their classrooms. I can empathize. I can count many times these last two years I have thought about retiring early, leaving the field from frustration and making tomorrow my last day. But, deep inside of me, there is a harmony, a rhythm, a calling very much alive.

We are all asking ourselves these days: Why am I doing this? 

For many when we can not find our calling, our heartfelt connection- we walk away. Philosophers call the hope and inspiration we find in our professional lives 'a will to meaning.' This will, we feel deeply as educators, as I have mentioned- it is why we overlook the negatives. We latch on to the positives because we seek reinforcements to our outlook. We want to be here, we need this, for it is a part of us. But, lately we have all felt the tether weakening. The slack causing us to toggle a bit more, to struggle a bit more. But, for most of us, we are not giving up, we are digging in our heals deeper.

Just because some educators make the right choice for them- for some it is to leave the profession. Does NOT mean we all feel this way. Most of us are full-throttle ahead. We are engaged and finding meaning in our careers as educators.

Meaningful work is a powerful thing. It keeps us aware of the negative, but focused on the positive. It keeps us seeking and learning and growing. Psychologists have discovered that when we engage in meaningful work, we are more productive, we receive more positive feedback and we "act as better ambassadors for our organizations (What is Meaningful Work" by Joe Keohane). This was an eye opener for me. Not only does this apply to educators, it also applies to students. When we allow them to find meaning -they engage and they dedicate themselves into the content and tasks, and thus receive positive feedback/better grades. Thus, a positive feedback loop.

When educators are engaged and inspired, they give it their all, and thus receive better yearly reviews and we are more likely to be proactive about developing our skills. We are less likely to feel burnt out and isolated because we engage with others and seek out learning experiences. Is this meaning? Is this commitment to our craft meaning? So does engagement add meaning or does meaning add engagement? 

Sometimes, we as educators, fall victim to the pressures of it. As the writer Mark Slouka says, we become part of the "Church of Work." That organizations expect us to sacrifice other sources of meaning and engage fully in the realm of the organization. Family, friends, hobbies, etc.- we must fall out of balance, because the expectations of the job, require us to let go of our personal lives. Does this ever happen to you? It feels in education to be an unspoken expectation sometimes- but as educators we place this on ourselves- because we feel guilty if we don't engage fully into our meaning of education. But we have to let go sometimes- we have to take care of ourselves. 

Since Covid appeared, many educators are stepping back, are finding meaning in more than education, are letting go a bit. The guilt of doing this can feel like you are losing meaning. But in actuality, stepping away and taking care of your mental and physical health, will reignite your meaning. It will allow you to find more balance and positive emotions, and this is what is happening to me. I am finding meaning in many things and this only heightens my meaning in education. I no longer am on one knee at the altar of education- I am standing tall and seeing all aspects of it clearly. And, even with all of the negativity being launched at education, I find myself  more committed, engaged, and full of more meaning. I am remembering my why. Why am I doing this?

Hackman and Oldman tell us, that when your work has a clear purpose in the world, there is a task identity (we follow a whole task from start to finish), and autonomy- we are more likely to find it meaningful. It makes sense to us as educators- teaching I feel has these three characteristics and for me it has meaning. 

We have opportunities to shine, to show our full potential- if we accept the challenge. I find value in what I am doing- educating children has meaning for me. I share the principles with other educators, I stay connected with others and I reflect on my skills and growth. This brings me meaning.

Catherine Bailey from King's College London and Adrian Madden from NYU, boiled meaningful work down to 5 characteristics- they feel work is self-transcendent to workers (for me educators) if:

1- it matters to others, not just themselves

2- it inspires a wide range of emotions- not just happiness

3- it is episodic- meaning it may not always feel meaningful

4- it is retrospective, it might not register as meaningful until after the fact

5- it is not confined to a workspace (classroom) is intertwined with one's own life, values and experiences.

This my friends is the essence, the magical ebb and flow of education. It is both emotionally charged and emotionally fulfilling. It is both individualistically meaningful and social. It gets expressed in a larger audience and it embraces the smaller moments. Meaning is personal, we grasp for it sometimes, and other times it finds us. Education is a field tumultuous these days but if you slow down, even pause and listen- you will hear meaning in the laughter and conversations of your students. 

We are living in what Bailey and Madden call a "meaningfulness ecosystem." This ecosystem I will describe as- a school vibe, an energy we create in our buildings and classrooms. They say this ecosystem includes four elements:

1- the need to understand the schools values and objectives

2- the need to understand the purpose of education in the broader sense

3- the need to understand why specific tasks matter

4- the need to have supportive relationships and meaningful interactions

If we do not feel these things, we can feel lost and disconnected. We can lose sight of our meaning.

I have written their characteristics, in an educational context. For me this is all apart of my meaning. Why education is meaningful to me. Sometimes; I struggle. I get frustrated and lose sight of my why, my meaning. I write a lot, I reflect a lot, I find meaning in my stress. For the stress is another layer of this profession. I fail and hide. I fail and get back up. I feel isolated and alone. I feel undervalued and ignored. I feel attacked and misunderstood- as do we all. But, ultimately I feel meaning. I know I have value and that my role as an educator changes lives. Inspires people. It has meaning.

But the field of education has become a bully pulpit for many who need a reason to snip the rope and allow others to fall. We might feel like there is no net below our trapeze but there is- it is connection. With Twitter, Facebook, Instagram- whatever social media you prefer. It is with colleagues in our building. It is with blog posts and articles- books and conferences. It is with chats and slow chats and just Tweets going out into the universe from educators who find meaning in this profession we call education.

So find your meaning. Try to find the answer to Why am I doing this? I hope it is because you have a connection and meaninging to what you do. That you love it.

Let your negativity linger and then tear it apart with optimism. We can not be happy all the time- or even positive every moment of the day. 

Our jobs are crazy- a crazy no one else understands, or has the right to ridicule. So reach out to others who you know are in it for the long haul. That have experienced the emotional roller-coaster and trapeze swing- and have grappled with their meaning, but find the deep rhythm, harmony, lure and attraction of classroom existence. 

We are here. So don't give up, we got you.

The New Technology Overload #44

 Like most educators, I too have been learning a lot of new strategies, tools, and applications. I just jumped into the deep end and took courses on every App or tech you can imagine. Then I read through my handy-dandy notebook (I am a fierce note-taker) and studied. This was even before we were told a few days a go of our three-week virtual beginning to our school year.

I am a err on the side of caution person. Even if I do not end up needing it- I investigate it. I take a quick glance, decide quickly it is not for me, or my interest gets peaked and I settle in for an hour or two in a course. I have done a lot of both since March, let me tell you. Then, I had overflowing pages and a bit of anxiety as I realized- I had so many options- where to go from here.

So, I prioritized, I wrote some 5E lessons incorporating some of the technology- I tweaked, adjusted, and reformatted. After that, I realized something. Not every App is for me. Some are clunky. Some do not integrate with Canvas LMS, our district on-line learning platform. Some are not purposeful, fun maybe a bit engaging, but not productive.

They started falling of my list one by one. I honed it down to those that met these requirements:

1- Easy for me to use

2-Easy for my students to use

3-Offered a free, useful version (or my district purchased)

4-Versatile

5-Allows students to create, display and share their work (video or audio)

6-Connects to science, mindfulness or SEL (curriculum)

7-Allows students to build folders, portfolios, or pages of their work

8-It did not merely replace an app/tool I already used- but its enhanced learning, it offered something creative and new that students could not find somewhere else

9-Integrates with Canvas LMS (or compliments it, if it doesn't)
10-If Canvas offered something similar (I chose Canvas, it is already built into student access)

So, I set out with this list and visited all of the apps and on-line tools I discovered and jotted down information about over the summer. I guess it all comes down to three main things:

1-Personal Comfort Level- choice

2- What you need from the app- purpose

3-Accessibility - ease of use and access

So, I set out with a list of tools and apps and started eliminating them. Some had great free versions but to go premium was expensive and well, not worth it. Many of the tools were similar in function and purpose. Some had free versions that were great but hard to maneuver through- you had to read a to do brochure before it made sense. I eliminated those easily.

I am a simple and sophisticated app lover. I love bells and whistles, if they are worthwhile and easy to use. I love options. Lots of ways to change and edit information. Add pictures, music, videos with ease. Share with my students easily. Once I find it hard to create within its borders- I tune out. I know my students will too. These days of virtual learning- simple is best.

Here are my favorites- the ones I will be incorporating into my virtual classroom and then into my classroom routine. Again, this is based on my preference: I am not a super tech savvy person. I prefer digits over digital- but technology is here to stay and thus- I must acquire and utilize it in my classroom. If you are an expert at all thing’s technology, I am sure your preferences are different from mine.

FlipGrid- Why I love FlipGrid? I love the ease of setting up classroom grids. I love that you can easily duplicate grids, so you can copy and paste them into other classes. I love that you can add podcasts, videos, selfies etc. It is easy to use and it feels comfortable. Nothing scary about it. 

I think the Mix Tapes creation is so cool- a fun way to share student work. I love the Disco Library of other FlipGrids you can import and edit. I know there are other apps/tools that do the same thing for the most part- but I tried them. I prefer FlipGrid for its ease; Get the link, share the link and students can work through your grid without confusion.

Bulb- There are many on-line portfolio creation apps. To minimize printing and folders in my classroom, I am converting to student virtual portfolios. Bulb has a lot of options, easy to use and easily accessible.

Why I love Bulb? I must admit having it integrated into Canvas LMS was the icing on the cake. But the design is awesome too. Easy to add files. Simple instructions and students can edit and make their portfolio very personal and unique. Plus, all of their courses will be present on one screen and as teachers we can see their portfolios for all of their classes.

This allows me to see if any challenges a student might be having in my class, are similar to those they are facing in other classes. Just another way to help make sure I can help my students succeed.

Remind- Yes, Canvas LMS had announcements. Yes, there is email, phone calls. But I have been using REMIND for years. I absolutely rely on it for Quiz Bowl as well as my classes. There were three things I hated about the previous version though:

1-Uploading documents

2-Word count

3-Class size allowed

Uploading documents did not always work. Plus, it counted into your word allotment and so I was constantly having to send multiple messages. It is annoying to hear multiple pings. I know, every time someone responds I heard a ping. You can mute the ping, but often I was waiting for a quick response.

The word count was low, and I never could quite get what I wanted to say out in one post. Now it is extended, and I am not sure I could ever fill it. Plus, its easy to upload pictures and documents attached to the post. Plus, now I am not limited to just 100 students total. I can have multiple classes, with 30 + in each.

I use REMIND because parents sign up as well as students. It is on their phones, so they do not have to check email, voicemail, or Canvas for messages. Parents love to get a quick reminder as much as students do. I keep it purposeful and productive. But, for Quiz Bowl I use it to check in with teams and let parents know schedule changes etc. It is a fantastic tool.

Zoom- We all know Zoom. I did not used to love Zoom. In fact, in March when all of our virtual learning began, I refused to use it. It felt unwieldy, complicated in the sense of too many faces (Brady Bunch style) and too many ways for kids to get off task. Not until I taught an Elementary STEM and a Junior High STEM camp over the summer- did I learn to appreciate its versatility.

Why I love Zoom now? Now I know how to use it. Share screen, mute voices, use it with other apps. I am so familiar with it now, as most students are- it makes sense to use what they know. Use it for quick lessons, then let them venture off to Canvas for FlipGrid and Bulb. A face-to-face aspect of learning. I will use it for 1-minute check-ins and mindfulness lessons.

Having said that….

Canvas LMS has a conference option much like Zoom. I may be using that more often because it signs students in with their school ID and name so there is better tracking capabilities. But if that is not working for some reason. Zoom will be my go-to group meeting place.

My favorite Science apps: Amoeba Sisters, Newsela, Gizmos, HHMI Interactive

My favorite mindfulness apps: Happify and Positive Psychology

I only have a few that I will be using in my classroom because, it is important to keep it consistent from day one- keep it simple and stream-lined, purposeful, and easy to use. These on-line tools: FlipGrid, Bulb, Remind and Zoom are the ones I find to match most of my criteria. You might prefer others. I just wanted to share; in case you needed some ideas.