History Repeats Itself: Just Read, Just Breathe (152)

And it Begins Again, Will We Ever Learn?

There is a lot going on in the country right now.

Covid-19 being overshadowed by civil unrest, is just one of them. In cities across America, people are crowded in the streets protesting. The National Guard has been deployed in 13 states so far. Stores are being looted. Fires started. Crowds destroying government buildings and statues, destroying public property, ruining people's livelihoods.

It sounds like the L.A. Riots in which I was caught in, back in 1992. Scariest night of my life. The reason unfortunately, has not yet been truly addressed, and we are still trapped in the same senseless vortex.

Here is the story of that night, back in 1992. It rings true of last night, and the nights to come, that will echo the unrest, that is rumbling and the action that is reverberating.

We Didn't Start the Fire (UCLA application essay 1994)

The Tincture of Unrest 
The gravel hurt the bottom of my bare feet as I walked to the edge of the roof. The smell was acrid, it stung my nose, almost as much as the sharp gravel did the bottom of feet. This particular apartment building, located off  Hollywood Boulevard, was tall enough so that a panoramic view of Los Angeles could be seen from the rooftop and higher floored residences.

My friend, lived several floors down so in order to witness the chaos, we had to run up several flights of stairs. We arrived at dusk, already short of breath. As the darkness took over, there was a stillness surrounded by an audible mayhem. Sirens wailed. Looking across the street, every roof top was covered with onlookers. Some in chairs, some standing- but all gazing onto the surreal.

The usually smoggy skies of Hollywood were sheathed in a layer of black smoke. I stood at the edge dumbfounded, gazing in each direction, only to see more ebony vapor tufting into the air. It was hard to breath, I felt dizzy, so I sat down, dangling my feet over the edge. Then I began counting the building fires around me. Turning my head to see a 360. My friends and I, generally a boisterous, upbeat group, were mulled into a silence. The only sound, crackling and sirens.

Los Angeles has a hum to it. An energy that vibrates, even in the wee hours of the morning. But, this evening, just as the sun stealthily disappeared, the night sky didn't lose its hue. The golden chroma around each fire, seemed to combine into one large complexion of despair. I started to cough, but stayed put awhile longer, because the mesmerizing glow was enticing. I had never heard so many sirens. I had never seen such a colorful Los Angeles sky.

April 29, 1992. I had worked all day, in San Juan Capistrano, but at 4:00 decided to head up to Los Angeles to help my friend move. She was moving back to Orange County. I hadn't seen the news, so naively, I ventured to Los Angeles on this tumultuous day.

I got on the 5 freeway and as I passed through Orange County everything was normal, nothing triggered an alarm. I was listening to the radio, I remember the song, "Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads. I was singing along and as the song ended a news break began, "Fires have broken out across Los Angeles as unrest bubbles over, after the Rodney King verdict was handed down today."

The DJ was saying how the song was very appropriate for the day and next up was "We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel." I knew of the Rodney King case, everyone in California did, but I didn't remember the verdict was coming on this day. I looked around, didn't see any smoke or fire, so I continued on my way. But, as soon as I crossed from Orange County to LA County, I started to see some smoke, one or two plumes here- a few over there. But, I was almost to my friends house in West Hollywood, so I decided to keep going.

I drove a few more miles and exited the freeway into a quickly darkening West Los Angeles. This was before cell phones- and pulling over in that part of town, to use a payphone would not be advisable. I could hear my mothers voice "NEVER get off the freeway in unfamiliar territory."

So I traveled the distance and when I arrived at my friends apartment building, I was a bit nervous, but until I sat down before the TV, I didn't have a clue how dangerous things actually were. How travelling on this day to this city, was probably not a smart idea.

We watched the news for what seemed hours, before the danger started to creep nearer to our location. There was no Internet, no devices, no Twitter. Our eyes was the local news. Our senses our nose. Our connection, the fact we were in the border of the chaos. We had no idea how close.

Eventually helicopters were above us and they started to show fires a block away. Several in fact and they seemed to be moving inward closer to us. So we looked at each other and without saying a word, jumped up and made our way to the stairwell.

We ran to the roof. The gravel hurt the bottom of my bare feet as I walked to the edge of the roof. The smell was acrid, it stung my nose almost as much as the sharp gravel, did the bottom of feet. This particular apartment building, located off Hollywood Boulevard was tall enough so that a panoramic view of Los Angeles, could be seen from the rooftop and higher floored residences. I had parked on the street in front of her building, at the time I thought that's lucky, there was never any street parking near her apartment.

But, looking down at that moment- it struck me- as I kicked my feet against the wall, I looked down to see my Jetta, safe and sound. I wondered if it would make it through the night. If this building would make it through the night.

My car made it through the night, the apartment building we slept in made it- we however went on an adventure most of the night and almost didn't.

Curfew, What Curfew?
It was about 8:30 PM April 29, 1992 when a county wide curfew was implemented.

But, we were curious. There were more fires than firefighters could handle and as such many just were left to burn. One of our group that night was a volunteer firefighter and he wanted to see if he could help in any way.

We as, 20 somethings, basically feeling we were invincible, decided to tag along. So we piled in his car, a brand new BMW and drove around Hollywood to just observe the discord and dissension, or so we thought. Privilege? He had it in spades, we had it, we were middle class. Hindsight- what a stupid fool I was for putting myself in a situation I did not belong.

We didn't get, but a few blocks, before we saw a house fire, not an apartment fire. A women was standing in the street yelling for help. We pulled over and our friend, the volunteer firefighter, jumped out to help. It was about 30 seconds later, before we even got out of the car, that we saw him run into the burning house. We got out of the car and approached the distrait woman, helping her sit on the curb near our car. We all stared at the house in disbelief.

A few moments later, out came our friend with a cat in his arms. He walked over and handed the woman her cat then said we should go and see who else we can help.

The woman thanked us and several neighbors came out to help her. As we drove around the area, nothing was more palpable, than the heavy weight of smoke and fear. We saw groups gathered on street corners, the looks on their faces, as we drove past, told us they would be part of the anarchy soon.

Looking back, not only was it ridiculously ignorant to drive around during this situation of civil unrest- but in a brand new BMW, well that made us even a bigger target. Hindsight, like I said. In the moment the adrenaline takes over common sense.

But we again felt like we were invincible. We hit a road block and the police scolded us and told us to go home.

We didn't listen though, until we began to see looting. Not of just mom and pop shops, but chain grocery stores. Parking lots full of people pushing bulging carts of food and supplies quickly to their cars. At first it looked like shoppers, but then employees were running out of the store too and this is when it hit us- large scale robbery was all around us, arson was all around us and we needed to go home and be safe.

This adventure, was the least memorable of the next 24 hours, however.

Midtown Containment
We woke up a bit late on April 30, 1992, one of the longest days of my life.

It was 11:00 AM and we had to be out of Los Angeles by 5:00 PM before the curfew was in full force. We had to load the truck and get on PCH. The freeways around Hollywood were shut down and the only route open, to travel south to Orange County was on Pacific Coast Highway. We were on the road by 4:00 and the streets were nearly empty, until we reached the coast. Then traffic was at a stand still.

It looked like a Loony Tunes cartoon- cars were driving on the sidewalks, cutting each other off, fender benders every where. We were a caravan of two cars and a moving truck in between them. On the back seat of my Jetta, were two large television sets and a computer, stereo and other appliances. This made me nervous as we were two females, in a traffic jam, in the not so nice part of Los Angeles. The streets were crowded and all eyes were on the traffic jam. The desperate attempt to escape the mayhem.

It was about three hours into our journey and we were inching our way south towards Orange County. It was getting dark and more people had gathered on the streets. You could feel the rage, it made my hair stand up on my arms and neck.

We rolled up the windows and looked forward trying desperately not to make eye contact with the crowd. The heckling started slowly- but quickly became loud and directed very much at the cars bumper to bumper, unable to escape the wrath. Several young men walked up to our car, "Hey, looks like some nice TV's you got here, they might look real nice in my house." We kept looking forward.

Then they tapped on the window "Hey, ladies, how much for your TV's?" They laughed and then tried to open the door. "Knock, knock- let us in." one taunted. Then from behind them we heard a voice, "Leave them alone, now get outta here." An older man walked up to the car and said, "You two need to get out of here, things are getting bad." We smiled and said thank you through the window, but we couldn't get out of there- as we were stuck in gridlock traffic, but we changed lanes to the inside, so we could move away from the curb.

Florence and Normandie
Traffic didn't lessen for another two hours when we finally reached Florence and Normandie, where earlier in the day- a truck driver had been beaten and killed. This was when we finally saw police officers and military patrolling the streets.

But when we stopped at a red light- a group of people ran across the street and threw molotov cocktails into a few store fronts. The stores erupted into flame and several police officers ran over to our car and said "drive, drive and don't stop at any lights." Just get out of Los Angeles county. This we did.

We were rerouted around PCH a few times due to riots and fires- but eventually made it back to Orange County. We saw fire, looting, even a few carjackings. Gun fire was everywhere and every shot rang in our ears, reminding us we should have stayed put for a few more days.

I have never been more afraid in my entire life. Our gas tank was on empty and we ran out of gas as we crossed over into Orange County. Our friends, in the other car in our caravan, returned with a gas can, about half an hour later and filled our tank. What should have taken 90 minutes to travel- took us 8 1/2 hours to traverse.

We were stupid. We had no business trying to travel in the middle of the situation.

Ice Cream and Balloons
It was not until we had fuel and we made it to a local grocery store that we had a chance to eat, go to the bathroom, call home and make sense of what we had seen.

The grocery store, we entered was full of people, shopping with a sense of calm. They had no idea what was happening ten minutes up the road. There was a community fair in the parking lot and children were walking around with balloons and ice cream cones. I just sat on the hood of my car watching them. This serene juxtaposition of riot versus residential.

This family haven versus the chaos of civil and social unrest. I had spent over 8 hours watching as people's rage destroyed livelihood and security. Where they felt they had no other voice than to deface, ravish and sabotage the 'establishment.' To injure and kill anyone they felt was not on their side. It happened because of hatred and prejudice. It lingered because of a single verdict that made it clear that some people, can get away with heinous actions. It ended only after the National Guard and local police made their presence known everywhere.

This was before Facebook and You Tube videos. Before Twitter and Instagram. It took awhile for news to disseminate and squelch the violence. However, even today the underlying inequality and prejudice persists.

I look back on these two days that I spent within the LA Riots, they have come to be called, with an understanding that me and my friends were lucky, we had a guardian angel looking over us because so many times we were in the line of fire, gunshots rang out around my car many times. Fires were started as we sat at red lights.

Anger was directed at us because we appeared to be part of the cause. I wish I could say everything is good now- we learned from our mistakes- but these moments of rebellion and strife are bubbling up in many places.

If we do not stop to reflect on the cause of anxiety, discontent and tension more such events are going to take place. Past meets present in way like no other in this rebellion. We can't just talk about the causes and effects, we need to focus on the why, the societal inequalities, the isolation and disenfranchisement and be open to understand our relationship to them.

Yesterday, Today (May 31, 2020)

I was reading Twitter, just seeing whats happening out their- and there are several hashtags with a city name like #protestmaintown. The posts I read were from twenty-somethings, looking for ways to participate, just because there is something to participate in. Sounded familiar.

I won't name the cities, but lets just say there are a lot of them. Each with people sharing strategies on to how to loot and steer clear of the police. Where the news camera's are etc. It was a bit jarring to read some of the posts. During 1992 we didn't have this communication, but if we had, I bet it would have sounded much like it does today.

There are people out there protesting the treatment of minorities and the hatred and racism within our country. There are people who have been mistreated, who have been afraid their whole lives. People who have lost family members, friends, community leaders. They are telling their stories, loudly.

There are people who feel they do not have a voice and that violence is their megaphone. Unfortunately, they have yet another reason, to shout from the rooftops about injustice and prejudice.

Yet, like in 1992, there are also bored individuals, who feel liberated from their homes and want to do something- and causing more civil unrest seems fun. I kid you not, read some of the Tweets. So now we have crowds of people, all with different agenda's, out on the streets.

Police are scared, National Guardsman are at the ready. I hope they do not do anything more to fuel the flames. But inevitably, I fear, they will.

Another cycle of nonverbal communication. Action over discussion. An opportunity for some, who should not be adding to the chaos- to get on TV, to feel apart of something, they don't really understand. Interviews with these individuals on the news, proves my point.

I am a witness of such events. I have never been mistreated for my race, but I have been for my sex, my gender, my disability. I am ignorant of their cause, for I have never experienced what they experience. I am sad, outraged. I want to change things, make people listen.

I just don't know a better way to try, other than to write. Words are powerful. They hold so much strength and they are my only way to express myself right now. This time, I think I will avoid the action and just read, just breathe.

How Using Personal Introduction Letter's Can Change Team Dynamics (150)

Why TEAM is a Cringe Worthy Term for Many Students

We all get stressed a bit, when we are asked to work on a team. Students do too. In fact, if you ask students, as I did, their thoughts on working in a team, they will tell you the unabashed truth- they hate it. Now some like the social aspect it offers, but the work being divvied up, they cringe at the thought of it. Why?

Is it because there is always that person, you know the one- who doesn't do their work on time, or at all? Leaving it for the other team members to complete. Is it that there is always a disagreeable team member (not a team player)? 

Is it because they are often put into groups they would not have chosen? I could go on and on and on. Basically, students dislike teamwork, for the same reasons, we as adults dislike group dynamics.

As Adam Grant explains in his book,  Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives our Success, there are three types of personalities traits, when it comes to generosity. Givers, matchers and takers. Simply put- givers, look for ways to be generous, they help others relentlessly, sometimes at the detriment of their own work. 

But, in the end, we all want to be around givers, so they do build some stable and meaningful relationships and connections.

Matchers look for reciprocal relationships- they give but they kind of expect something in return. This, Adam Grant, tells us is the most common dynamic. Takers, well, they take more than they give. They manipulate, they are hyper focused on themselves, and burn a lot of bridges, by their selfish actions. 

We have all known a taker. Their mark has been blazoned into our psyche.

How To Help Students make Teams more Productive

So, if we know not only these personality, generosity types- but extrovert vs. introvert, pleaser vs self-interestor and mindful vs ornery- we have a volatile and fluid situation, every time we are put into groups. 

Even when we choose our own, we are not always sound decision makers- as we can choose friendship over efficiency.

I was listening to the Armchair Expert Podcast with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman. It is a fantastic podcast because it is about everything in the social-sciences and beyond. It has amazing interviews. 

Anyway, so I was listening to the episode with Adam Grant and they were discussing his book Give and Take. But they were also delving into, why teams don't always work.

Dax said something fascinating- something I have been doing on a minute scale with my students. But now after hearing this podcast- my plan is to go more in depth and personal, with my students. Personal letters of intent. 

Then and Moving Forward

I was using calling cards. Simple business card style introduction cards, to get to know one another. To find classmates that have common interests and learning styles. Students were sharing their attributes, to find the best partners for the class.

But a letter of intent sounds more meaningful and thorough. If I have them write responses to five questions. They used three questions, in the podcast- I wrote five to be more specific for junior high students.  Maybe, teams will be more meaningful and purposeful. Maybe students will appreciate having an opportunity to collaborate.

I think these questions might help my students work better in a team. These will guide the team members to a more cohesive dynamic. Help them learn strategies in order to cooperate and cope with the idiosyncrasies of one another. 

1-      What things make you shut down when you are working on a team?

2-      What do you need from a leader?

3-      What things will inspire you on a team, how do you get motivated?

4-      Are you a giver, matcher, or taker?

5-      Why is working in a team so important?

If students could read these letters, the introduction to the group, at the beginning of a team project, imagine what obstacles they could avoid. If they knew, which students needed which task. They could make sure everyone was given a task best suited for them.

If they knew what type of leadership the team needed, the right person could take the reigns. They would have an easier time staying on schedule and motivated. It is something so simple. If they are talking about efficiency, they can make sure they use strategies that will help them be efficient. 

A little time upfront, will avoid delay on the back end.

Teamwork is inevitable. It is a necessary mode of production and learning. You cannot avoid it. But if leaders could get a sense of their team dynamics early- maybe they could set into motion a more successful team from the get-go. Every team has a natural leader- reluctant or elected. But, if these leaders had a framework on design and function of their team, they could enhance performance.

Understanding My Own Needs, Will Make Me a Better Team Member

So, I looked at these questions and answered them for myself and I found out a few things I didn't know about myself. Writing them down, helped me see the potholes and molehills, that lead me astray when working in a team.

1-Not having clear directions. I need to know what is expected- the bottom line, then I like to have the room to design accordingly. When I don’t have a sense of flow, it stresses me out. Also, too many hands in the cookie jar, too many opinions, distracts me from the process.

2-I need a leader to ask questions. Help me find purpose in my decisions and see the big picture. If they have a solid path, a clear end product- then I can get there on my own. I also like feedback- don’t just tell me ‘great job’ be specific and give me honest critique.

I prefer not to lead directly. But, I will reluctantly. I am such a crowd-minded doer and thinker, (so many thoughts at one time, I change things on a dime, this frustrates people). I find it hard to explain my reasoning- I am better at motivating not leading.

3-Open-mindedness. I like teams that allow time for honest discussion before we start. To make sure everyone understands the purpose, process, and problem. Then the freedom to take risks and try new approaches, with check-in’s and progress reports (sit reps).

4-I am a giver at certain times yes, I am generous with my time. But I am more often than not a matcher because, honestly, I do look for something in return- feedback, equal investment in a group member and appreciation. I wish I could say gratitude didn’t matter to me, but it does. I get frustrated when my efforts go unnoticed or unvalued.

6-Every great invention, engineering feat, modern marvel, medical breakthrough- took a team. Teams are how things get accomplished and we need to figure out how to work together to solve the worlds problems. We will not always be able to choose our team. Nor will we always, pick an efficient one. But we need to pivot and adapt to the circumstances. Teams are one way we do that.

What about you?

Mental Health: So Many Gray's, Onslaught and Agility (148)

One minute its sunny and giant, puffy, clouds are slowly meandering across the blue sky. Each blue a slightly different shade, like a subtle blending of hue. A life sized ombre, its spectacular. There is a spring in my step, as I walk beneath luscious brogue. The moment is full of stories and memories- both carrying me into comfortability, welcomed.

It changes abruptly, blues transform into gray's- hiding any sharpness of beauty. Covering the scenery with a layer of despair, even before the darkness does. Sudden alteration. My mood vibrates from one of "hello, I am outside, joyful and eager"- to one of "oh no, this storm is going to bring some heavy winds." The calm, stirs. The gentle ambiance of summer, weighs itself down, with an onslaught of tropical weather.

Indoors becomes a necessity. The flash bang of lightning, only moments before the rumbling of thunder. The distance between clear and drenched, happens without any fanfare. Heavy deluge, slapping windows. Sideways rain, knocking against thick exteriors, making them seem fragile. Like the big bad wolf is huffing and puffing beyond them.

I stand, no longer hopeful- ombre now dark and gloomy, brewing in the cauldron of hazard. Tree's are bending, agility clear, as they whip and surge against fences. No windshield wipers, so its hard to see the chaos. But, the static electricity tingles. Shock waves, jettison gloom. I frown at the disruption. Yearning to stand inside the turmoil outside.

Launch cancelled. Excursion delayed. Hail, pop, pop, falling hard against the grass. Applause from the symphony, of low and high, cold and warm, swimming in the landscape. The rumbles shake the house, percussion. The pitches- at frequencies piercing, the wind ensemble is deafening. The deep baritone of strings, plucking around the entirety. It's loud.

Own the feeling. Embracing the mood swing. Its a stark contrast- like the sky, the weather, the noise of nature. Quickly tumbling, from one extreme to the next. Often we can't reign in our emotions, like the weather it might be predicted, yet it changes on a dime. As I focus on the sound, building and disappearing- I let it sweep away my melancholy. 

As the lightning crackles and hisses, the thunder responds with a menacing cackle, so startling, the hair stands up, on the back of my neck. I jump. Lights flicker on and off. It is not letting up. My phone hums- tornado watch, thunderstorm warning- stay inside.

All I can think is "we know already." Inside is a place we are familiar with.

Radar flashing red. 

Look ahead. 

Rainfall plentiful. 

Stay mindful. 

Flash flood

Prepare for mud. 

This is going to get messy. This will be swirling for awhile. Do I hear tornado sirens? Open the door, they are whining in the distance. Moving more inward, more isolated, into an area more protected.

I guess, I'd better write some more- it helps me keep even keeled. 

Today, may seem somber and solemn- but honestly, its kind of refreshing. I plan on attacking this mermaid style- swim a little, then get my footing on solid ground. Welcome to the siren's call, handling it all, in calm succession.

The sound is dissipating- whine becomes wind once again. Harm passes over us. But the wind and rain continue. Close quarters. We decide to stay close, just in case.

What is Motivation, Really? (146)

What is motivation- Really?

It is often defined as the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a specific way or the general desire or willingness of someone to do something- Webster’s Dictionary, but what does that mean? For some it is a whisper in their ear, a spark of curiosity or even a glimpse into the future. An idea that embeds itself like a worm, slowly nagging until they act upon it. While for others motivation is a part of them: enthusiasm and determination both a driving force in their personality and perseverance. While one thing may be a focus to one it may be a distractor to another. How do we hone in on our interests? Psychologists and educators have written countless books on the subject. However, what truly motivates us as individuals is not fully understood because motivation is internal, personal and fluid. What may be a catalyst for some is a hindrance for others and we simply will never know why. Seeing as motivation is unique to each of us, how can we tap into someone else’s- get them interested and invested in our ideas, or their own?

Can we tap into someone else’s motivation?

In a round-about way maybe. If they display interest or fervor in something we can help them establish goals and a road map for success. But for us to do that, we must be present and listen. I have five children and believe me when I say, they are not motivated or driven by the same things. Their talents have evolved not by my guidance but of their disposition, impulse and motives. They each chose what they are passionate about and I stayed out of their way. Academics first, this inclination may have needed a nudge or two but they found their affection, engrossment and actuation all on their own. 

Many parents steer their children down the same path they traveled and for some this is all the motivation they need but for many their identity comes from the independence to explore all things until they hone in and pursue what truly embodies them. Their calling. The only way we can tap into our children’s interests is for them to tell us what they are. The only way we can get our students to open-up and share their passions and hobbies with us is to value everything. No matter how simplistic it may seem. Because to them it means everything. Our attentiveness and support will make all the difference.

How can we construct our own motivation framework?

In the immortal words of Eddie Vedder- I use the image of her in this song, Hard Sun, as a metaphor for motivation and personal drive. When I get down on myself, which I tend to do, or doubt myself, which I also tend to do, I listen to this song and it reminds me that the world is difficult and challenges come and push us to our limits but ultimately it is us, our motivation, our minds that lead us into the shade so we can keep moving forward. There will always be a big hard sun all we can do is find a huge umbrella to keep us cool.

“When I walk beside her, I am a better man, when I look to leave her I always stagger back again. Once I built an ivory tower so I could worship from above, when I climbed down to be set free, she took me in again. There’s a big, a big hard sun, beaten on all the big people, in a big hard world.” The big hard sun is a permanent fixture in life. 

Creating obstacles, challenges and forever changing our outlook. But motivation is not constant, it is static ebbing and flowing like the tide. We can become unmotivated in an instant or motivated in the blink of an eye. But motivation is forgiving when we drop it, always letting us back in to her good graces when we need her. 

The most important things we can do to build our motivational framework: 1) always be honest with ourselves, 2) seek out new adventures and ideas by reading, watching and living, 3) reflect and take the time to understand why we lose motivation, 4) believe in ourselves and do not get too hard on ourselves when we lose our impulse and inclination. We need to follow our internal voice as it gives us something to believe in or to let go. It is our internal drive after all. This does not mean get lazy and complacent, merely allow ourselves the flexibility to find new stimuli and incentives that steer us on our journey.

How can we spark motivation in our students?

Gimmicks, ploys and artifices will only motivate our students for so long. They may ‘hook’ them quickly, but very soon thereafter they will wiggle from our grasp. Counterfeit coaxes do not work for long. Genuine experiences that they design based on interest, relevance and just plain comfort level, motivate them. If they are self-driven, personal and respectful lessons they will embrace them and we will continue to hold their attention. Students need to be renegades, pioneers, outlaws and rebels and in their minds, they need to feel like they are. 

We need to dare them to step away from the norm and get lost in the unknown. Provide the line of strength that they can use to stay connected but also the length and distance to feel the urgency of action. To be dissidents in the sense that they were taught to think for themselves. This is motivating. Anyone can find reason and actuation when they are given the tools, strategies, and encouragement to take risks, openly fail and falter, and see the finish line. 

If we are motivated we can see the goal, measure its distance away and gear ourselves up for the trek. But when we are unmotivated due to stifling rules, expectations, leering eyes of judgement upon us, we place that goal miles away and in between a dry, harsh, terrifying desert of uncertainty and doubt emerges.

We can spark motivation in our students not by thinking we can create it for them, but in the belief and confidence that they are self-determined and motivated to find it themselves. We generate curiosity not with smoke and mirrors but with individual opportunity for growth. 

Challenges that push them a little bit out of their comfort zone, they will persevere not with rewards and incentives but with personal drive to investigate, arouse interest and summon success. 

We all have a sense of vindication. We all want to accomplish new things but if they are too hard we become unmotivated, but if they are just out of reach and we must problem-solve to accomplish them, we are willing to push ourselves just a little farther, a moment longer until we reach the solution.  Provide these authentic, thought provoking. Stimulating opportunities and students will be motivated not because they are flashy but because they are gratifying. 

For motivation is an instinct a personal emotion we have created to fulfill this need. The need to know we can choose our place in this world, our interests and our own accomplishments. For these accomplishments make us who we are and the motivation for self-discovery is endless.

The Artful Argument- Tactics and Strategies (144)

I had a debate with a student a few months back- it was excruciating. He was arguing something that appeared to me to be absolutely ridiculous. Something I had no interest in whatsoever. But, it was the beginning of my -"listen you fool and take heed, they will never trust you if you don't," campaign. So I listened, actively, for what felt like an eternity.

Then the debate became more fruitful, we had a meaningful argument- one he still remembers and mentioned in his farewell email.

This got me to thinking. As he was laying out his case, I was picking up on his tactics, strategies and tells. The comments meant to get my goat, the ones meant to make me empathize, sympathize and for him to epitomize his plight.

Since then, I have paid a lot of attention to the details and design of my own children's arguments. They, low and behold, had similar tactics and tells. And thus, a blog post arose.

Tactics and Tells

If you play poker, you know everyone has a tell. A twitch, rapid eye movement- something that reveals their next move. Whether its based on anxiety or overconfidence- they give off a visual pheromone. It's palapable.

As educators, we have one too. Ranging from a subtle eye roll up to a ferocious cackle. Students know what we are thinking, we don't need words. We have tactics and strategies to try and combat these tells, especially once we identify them. But, alas, they remain.

If we are arguing- productively and purposefully or pointlessly and indignantly-we have that moment, where we know we have lost, and they know they have won. Our proverbial wall. Where disagreement is no longer meaningful.

How can you possibly win an argument with a child? Honestly, you can't. All you can do is shut it down, with a succinct and inevitable "hard no." They feel your lack luster response, you feel the wind leave your sails.

As adults, we more often than not,  just force stop it. Why do we do this? When we are tired- our go to response is often, "Because I said so." I hated it when I was a kid, and kids still hate this response today.

Why can't we allow the time for a healthy argument with a student or with our own children? Are we afraid we will lose? Are we too busy to stop and allow our children to form a foundation for fruitful debate?

We have tactics we use, we look for patterns, we recognize repetition, we observe the tells. We decide the fruitfulness of the battle. We see the field movement, the realignment of troops.

We come to terms with the futility of conflict, often without even a shot over the bow. Maybe we need to let the first skirmish take hold.

Strategies and Game Plans

These tactics, careful planning, conceptual actions, fundamental movements and shielding- all lead us to an understanding of our opponent. But for some reason, we like to argue with adults, but debating with a child seems like a waste of time, for many.

I have resolved myself with the beauty of debate and have been listening to more of my students and my own children's argumentative tendencies. I force myself to hear them out. This, my friends, is the basis of a strong relationship.

Wisdom of failure and defeat help us strategize. It also helps them strategize.

It helps everyone develop an intricate arsenal and siege mentality, so we can ambush when necessary, retreat if required or stand our ground, when it is essential to our argumentation. We use tactics and strategies all day long.

We are strategists- anticipating the enemy: complacency, boredom, fatigue, anxiety.

In our classrooms we are observers, pro-activists, collaborators and mercenaries. We refuse to raise the white flag and we will be the last man standing, no matter what. This is our strategy. We often, just shut them down, for the sake of order.

Our tactics should be: listen, observe, stay silent and allow for a bit of dissension in the ranks.

Arsenals and Cache's

Daily tactics and strategy- like rituals and routines shape us. Guide us. Allow us to identify our tells and the tells of others. So our communication skills are strengthened, our listening skills are heightened and our actions are more fruitful, mindful and meaningful.

We have to allow for a loss or two. To be outnumbered, outranked, outmaneuvered. We have to let our walls down. To listen with an open-mind, no matter how juvenile, the argument may sound.

Their opinions are valid, we need to actively respect them. Not simply, listen. But, engage.

Hear them out, but don't make judgement, if their tactics are less honed than ours.

The more time we provide our students and children to form ideas, formulate an argument and debate- the more they will listen to us, when we are saying our opinions and reasons.

For the simple fact that we are building a level of trust, and that -is the ultimate tell.

So Long, Farewell, Avedisian (142)

endings are always sad, to some degree
at least to me
closure of a sorts, beginning anew
time flew
smiles ingrained, a portrait of family
a classroom community
no hugs or waves goodbye
yet virtually we try
car lines of smiles
stretch back for miles
graduates and elementary
last looks before they are free
summer is here for most
not feeling like a toast
been missing them for weeks
with only Zoom peeks
distanced
quiet
hoping to see them again

farewell and so long
pouring in like a beautiful song
each with a flavor and quality
unique and special to me
students from years ago
sending in their solo
but the melancholy droops
an endless loop
students, teachers, parents
missing the main event

the last day of school
uneventful
even felt a little cruel
students feel lost
they feel the cost
of safety
but regret is loud
it rumbles through the crowd
but until the fall
it silences us all
we hope, we dream
school begins normally

goodbye
so long
avedisian
au revoir
I will miss you all

Getting the Wiggles Out (140)

We always let our kids, run outside and play. In elementary school we have recess. We have brain breaks in class, so students can have a moment, to refocus and let the energy out. We know kids need time to let out their pent up energy. But, why don't we allow adults to do this too.

When we are focused on one thing for an extended period of time- our brains tire. We feel distracted or bored. We need to get up and walk around, grab a snack, have a conversation with someone else other than ourselves. We get the wiggles too.

Anxiety is the energy we coop up inside of us. It a rumble, a vibration, of this lack of cohesion of thought. Its like energy, about to rupture out, we get tense, we get hyper-focused on negative thoughts. Our wires get crossed. We sometimes, just need to let the wiggles out.

We need a release, of the overload, in order to find coherence and creativity. Have you ever been just irritated at something around you- nothing specific, maybe even the empty space? It makes you feel swallowed, stifled, unmotivated. You feel tired. Energy flow is foggy and stunted.

We have to vacillate our thoughts. We all have blind spots that narrow our view, but if we alter our position, weigh our emotions, we can try to keep the flow of energy fresh. During times of stress, we get entangled in FOMO and comparative experiences, and our inner voice gets overpowered, by our need to be connected.

We collect data from the outside world, we use it as evidence inside, to make choices. Evidence is personal processing. Wisdom, is our interpretation of the evidence and using it in a productive way. This often gets muddled, when we are bored, stressed and melancholy. All effects of isolation and quarantine.

Data is essential though, in order for us to interpret the evidence we collect. Lots of data. The wiggles act like a nervous tick, misdirecting us. But once we get away from our devices, walk outside, exercise, meditate, call a friend or family member- we start to let the wiggles out.

We settle. Like the drudge sinking below the clutter. Resting beneath our clarity. When we do this. Patterns emerge, our data stream runs faster. We see things we have been missing. We accept things with less irritability, because we are more focused and calm.

How we manage this energy- whether we are extroverted or introverted, is physiological. How we process information is neurological. How we breathe, move, and rest is biological. But we can't do any of them well, if we don't take time to let the wiggles out.

I let the wiggles out by doing these few rituals every day. I am sure you have your routine as well. But, as with me, I know sometimes you get too busy to take the time to do them properly. I have to remind myself sometimes to do them, especially this week as my school year is ending and there is a lot of tedious tasks to complete before Thursday.

- have a cup of tea
- meditate for ten minutes
-read a chapter of a great book
-laugh with my ten year old
-read positive Tweets or Facebook posts
-ask myself, what is good about today?
- take a walk around the block (at least)
-eat a snack I love- just a little gift to myself
-listen to a song that gets me up an moving, dancing and singing, remembering the joy of music
-write my daily blog post
-color the daily picture on Happy Color on my phone

If I do this list and need more inspiration

-listen to the podcast next on my list
-read some of the science magazines I get in the mail
-sit outside and just listen
-play board games with my family
-write at least 500 words of one of my projects
-sit completely still, close my eyes, and just think
-a bit of yoga
-color more pictures on Happy Color on my phone

I find lists important. Its how I organize my chaotic brain. I need a center and lists and rituals are the only way I can let the wiggles out. Reminders to stretch my mind and my body. Wiggles are vibrations of energy, trapped. If I don't release it, my brain vibrates and my body squirms. So taking the time to stay organized and release the daily bobbles and wobbles is essential for me to stay healthy.

The Ox or the Cart (138)

Our desire to accomplish: grow, harvest, transport- exist, has steered our behavior since the beginning. We use what is around us to create and subsist. Animals, plants- nature, became less of the outside and more integrated into culture and society. The two co-existing and coalescing into life.

Beasts of burden, allowed for humans to evolve and adapt. Oxen have been used for centuries as work animals. They are used to pull plows and carts- called a bullock cart. These two to four wheeled vehicles, transport everything from crops, supplies and people.

Oxen are prized. Females are valued for milk, steers are trained until they are four, when they become oxen. They are chosen for their docile nature and strength. They are treated with respect, because their purpose is identified and valued. They are well-fed, bathed, protected. They are treated with honor.

Oxen have very thick skin. Hearty exteriors. So when they are whipped, it is not meant to be painful. Like a bee sting, it is felt, but it is not a source of extreme pain, but discomfort. But, the use of a whip is necessary, because they need prompting- like a horse balking and riders squeezing them with their legs or clicking them with their heels.

Oxen have been a means of transportation since ancient times, in many parts of the world. They are still used today, in places where modern automobiles and carrier vehicles, are too expensive or roads are not secure enough for them to traverse. The purpose and value of oxen in these areas, priceless. Owning oxen is still very much a part of the human existence.

Oxen are valued. They are a source of wealth and prestige. They are work animals. They are sturdy, yet willful. Strong and at times disobedient. But, generally they do their work with little outcry. The whip is not punishment, but a tool for productiveness. To get the work done with efficiency.

Oxen were so prevalent during ancient times, they were written as characters in Aesop Fables and Greek Myth. Different versions of the same, fable have been passed down throughout the ages. Different versions, but the moral is the same.

The oxen pulling a wagon were disturbed by the creaking of the wheels. Not seeing the heavy load on the wagon the oxen blamed the wheels for complaining.

or

A heavy wagon was being dragged along a country lane by a team of Oxen. The Axle-trees groaned and creaked terribly; whereupon the Oxen, turning round, thus addressed the wheels: “Hullo there! why do you make so much noise? We bear all the labor, and we, not you, ought to cry out.”

                                   Moral: Those who suffer most cry out the least.

Why am I focused on oxen and bullock carts? I read my morning Zen Desk Calendar and today's quote was-

When the cart stops, do you whip the cart or the ox? -Huai-Jang

I was struck by this quote. It sat in my chair and just read it over and over a few times. Thinking about the order of the words. The comma, the choice of syntax. 

When the cart stops. Does that mean its travelling over rocks on a stream and the wheel breaks- leaving the cart immobile? Does it mean on a dirt road, the back wheel axle snapped, leaving the cart forced to stop, in order to be repaired?

Do you whip the cart? Do you whip the ox, forcing it to keep moving, when the issue is the cart being broken? Do you assume as a driver of this bullock cart, the oxen is being stubborn? or, Do you loosen the reigns and turn around to make sure the cart is not damaged in some way?

Either way- I guess the main question is, has the cart stopped because of the willfulness of the oxen, or the fragility of the cart? Wooden wheels and precarious roads, where modern vehicles would struggle to pass, are precarious and maybe- its neither the fault of the oxen or the cart?

When I read this to my husband, one fully knowledgable about ancient transportation- the same information shared above-he had a different interpretation of the quote than I did. He reads a lot of history magazines and books, where I focus more on science and psychology- so his interpretation was focused on functionality and purpose.

My interpretation was more about practicality and cause and effect. My mindfulness background and studies, have my vision focused more on awareness and response. Creative solutions. One interpretation is not better than the other. Just unique perspectives. 

Why am I writing about oxen, carts and interpretation? 

We are on a road laden with potholes, large pebbles and puddles. We are in a place where modern meets legacy. Where we are connected in the pandemic and isolated in our minds and actions. But, we are all part of the solution. 

Our interpretation of this quote, oxen and cart goes much farther than the literal. But the analogy as well. It can apply to so many different situations we are facing. How we deal with the oxen and the cart is personal. 

                                  Moral: Those who suffer most cry out the least.

Ask for help. Reach out and talk to other people. Ask yourself- what do I have? Even when you feel dis-empowered. Create new paths of routine. Build up new muscle strength for new challenges.

Find your rituals, routines, mantras and flow. 

Feel the grief, loss and uncertainty. 

Express your emotions.

Accept the anxiety and find ways in which you can repair the axle, refasten the wheel, and ultimately nudge the oxen forward.

Education is a Set of Parameters- How do we Navigate within Them? (136)

Looking at it from above

There is a giant map, full of lines: connecting concepts, curriculum, conduct, control, compassion, collaboration, compulsory, choice. Every aspect of education linked through parameters, set forth by those who make the decisions. Those we never meet, who have created our local framework.

We as teachers, have classroom ownership to some degree. We get to decorate it. But, what we teach, how we teach, when we teach- we are limited by lessons plans, pacing guides and state and national standards. We have paperwork, monitoring, grading, and attendance. But we also have relationships. Those are ours alone, each personal.

I have been a teacher for almost 20 years, and I have heard every complaint you can imagine. Teachers are too restricted, there are too many rules, too much paperwork, we do not have enough time to just teach. I have complained myself numerous times. But ultimately, I follow the rules, bend them a bit, but nonetheless, adhere to their purpose.

Side View

Parameters are important. We are educating future generations and if we only taught what we wanted- we might have a lot of clones of ourselves- but making sure we are providing lessons, on what the majority, of us feel are relevant and purposeful, we are unifying in some way. We are making sure, there is some kind of consistency.

Buzz words- differentiation, SEL, choice, STEM, literacy across curriculum, feedback, formative assessment. The list is endless. These are the personal aspects of education. How teachers integrate them into their classrooms is what keeps every classroom unique.

We may have necessary requirements, but we also have common sense and creativity- in which we use, to design our own personal environments, in which we teach. We have our comfort zones we step out of. We are preparers and innovators. We listen to our students and update, tweak and toss out activities that do not work.

If we are set free within these parameters, how can we navigate within them, when we want so desperately to be independent? How can we manage the day- to-day requirements, but still feel inspired to let loose and have fun? It definitely takes an open-mind and a patient spirit.

The most important thing is to leave your ego at the door. You have to enter your classroom raw and vulnerable. If you build up walls and steer clear of conflict- you will be unhappy most days.

Within the Border

If you step inside, thoughts meandering through the unknown, welcoming it- you will find that you are much more joyful. You have to accept you can not control everything. Students are independent spirits too.

The curriculum, management, and requirements are not going to change. Accept them. Believe that you are bringing positive change, even when most days, no one will acknowledge it, or tell you, you are doing a good job.

Understand that relationships are the most important tool in your toolbox. Not just those with your students and your colleagues, but with custodians, librarians, GT and SPED specialists, para’s, administrators, cafeteria staff, print shop experts, technology specialists and parents. Everyone who has a line on the big map.

You have to accept your role in the landscape and make sure that your frustration and complaining is quiet. That you are not the one in the breakroom, filling the spot with negativity. That you are not standing in the hall, ridiculing other teachers and students because you are tired and at your wits end.

Navigation

In order to navigate the municipality of your school- you have to be prepared to take a hit or two. No matter what you do, there will be students who do not like you. No matter how friendly you are, someone in your building thinks you are overkill. That is something you cannot control, and you need to let it go.

I have been treated disrespectfully, been ridiculed, threatened even. I was manipulated and forced to change schools because I would not tattle on my team. I have heard everything you can imagine. Yet, I do not bring that baggage into my classroom. Students feel negativity- they see eyes rolling, hear a tone in your voice. Stay mindful.

How I navigate is by steering clear of those who wish to bring me down or those who can’t figure out a way, to navigate the parameters laid before us. We chose this profession. Not for the accolades or income- but because we want to make a difference. Bringing negativity into your building is chipping away at your positive impact.

Compass in Hand

The only way we can find focus on what really matters- classroom teaching and student relationships- is by taking ownership of the requirements, our mistakes, and our own ego. Every day will not be wondrous and magical. How could it possibly? Be aware and keep on smiling.

Every time the bell rings and you step inside, eyes all on you- you have a choice. To navigate within the boundaries of our profession warts and all or ignore them. If you choose to navigate, then you will have more freedom to express yourself, design and implement new ideas.

We have all heard the saying, ‘keep your head down and stay under the radar.’ That is not a great way to go through life. Pop your head up- try awesome stuff, get people to notice the amazing things you do and if you have found a way to navigate, within the parameters- they will see you.

The clutter will fall a side and your efforts will be magnified.

You will also feel content and education will be less of a scary place. There will no longer be ‘survival mode’ but ‘creative mode’ and a deep connection with our profession.

Teaching is not easy, nor is it overwhelmingly difficult- where you fall within its parameters, depends on your outlook. Buck the system. Be proactive and innovative. Push the boundaries, but also accept the parameters- because they are what hold, everything together.

A Eureka Moment About Education (134)

Aha, Uh-Huh, You Get Me Right?

I didn't get two undergraduate degrees and a master’s degree in education to do this. I didn't student teach for a year for this. I didn't write a thesis, get gifted education certified, after two more years of school, or spend 19 years at three different schools to be delegated into a virtual classroom. 

Neither did any other educator, take their journey of fulfillment, to become an on-line teacher. Some may have chosen that route, but most of us did not. 

Our adventures are in progress, saving automatically. We are in a constant state of learning and growth. We attend professional development- both required and by choice. The latter being in more frequency. We want to learn. 

We build communities of like-minded educators, where we can continue to prepare, matriculate and wade through, the endless opinions, strategies and techniques of fellow educators.

We read, a lot. Watch videos, listen to podcasts. We jump into Facebook, Nearpod, Zoom and Flipgrid conversations. We listen, a lot. We look over our work and seek updates and data dumps. 

We are machines. Instruments of change. Mechanisms of relationships. We identify the gears, so we can help rotate the wheel. 

We have engines, powered by our sheer will to keep moving forward. The fuel of that transmission is our students. The frame our classrooms. 

Crash, Bang, Clunk

We feel as if we have been towed into a body shop- dented with scratched paint. We feel as if we have been in a fender bender and before we are street ready, we are stuck in the shop.

This seems like a vacation to some. Like what we normally do, has gotten easier, less stressful. Like we are sipping Mai Tai's on a quiet beach in the Caribbean. 

But, in fact, we have more work, longer hours, we are more invested because we are seeing the flaws in remote learning. Our instincts and compassion have been amplified and we are busier than ever.

We are professionals. We adapt. We maintain our composure. We endure.

But we also feel sad that we don’t get to see our students, again this year. We feel slighted. We feel our preparedness and maintenance fall short. Our options have been discontinued.

We feel uncertain, worried, and hopeful. But also, realistic because we know there is more disappointment to come. My eureka moment came this morning.

Repair, Upcycle

I have had moments of clarity. A lot of reflection. I have sought out feedback. I have maintained a routine- school hours and personal time. 

I have been in teacher mode on the weekends, late at night- making sure I respond to concerns and disappointments of parents and students.

But my eureka moment slammed into me at 7:00am this morning as I rolled over in bed and saw my computer light up after an update restarted it. Not one I scheduled, but an HP maintenance update. 

A forced shutdown. Automatic protocols. Rebooting a system. I stared at the screen, as my icons appeared one by one on the desktop. 

Popping back into their designated location- rows of brightly colored, labelled folders and badges- finding their place.

Not only has education, local communities and global society, been rebooted and had a forced shutdown, this much is obvious. We have been placed in a holding pattern, a waiting zone, for the update to finish. 

The folders and badges haven’t appeared yet. We are fidgety and nervous, for it to complete. The screen betraying us. The sound of overheating and rebooting filling us with trepidation.

We are on the blue screen. The blue screen that scares any computer owner to death. When that screen appears, we know there might be trouble. We stare at the ‘wheel of death’ or ‘spinning suspension’ as it rotates endlessly. Taunting us.

Hold Down the Off Button

We don’t know what to do- sometimes we panic and hit restart. We want so much for our technology to work fast and efficiently and when it doesn’t- we reboot. We want to feel in control, of our electronic connection, to the outside world.

We are in a real world computer crash. There is a massive resetting of parameters, reloading of our settings, reorientation of our home pages. 

There was a breach to the mainframe and now we are on the blue screen waiting for everything to appear back on our devices. We feel lost in anticipation. But we wait. 

Will programs be lost? Will software be outdated? Will ‘virus protection’ be enough? Yet, we wait.

As educators we understand technology issues. A failure in plan A. So, we have a plan b, and plan c, etc. But our best laid plans are obsolete. We are waiting for the new operating system to become available. But we don’t have access to the download instructions.

We received our degrees, we spent years in our classrooms, we built relationships, wrote lessons, collaborated and spent time team building.

We didn't do any of it, to end up looking at a computer screen, wishing we had students in front of us.

We didn't do any of it, to be waiting for a blue screen, to become a desktop and icons to appear- each a reminder of what we have done in the past.

Personally, I am dizzy looking at the twirl of the hoop, the roll of the gyre, the circulation of uncertainty. 

I feel frozen, like a screen un-moving, stuck in time. I know something is happening- I can hear the whirling sound of endeavor.

Eureka, Awe and Oh No!

My eureka moment was not, that like crashing computers and frozen screens we are locked into a cycle of wait. 

It was that the icons of change are loading. An educator’s portfolio varies, but their conviction is consistent. That is why we update and data dump.

We will get through this- probably not in a way we want or prefer. 

But like a mass data breach, it is difficult to identify every weak link. All we can do right now, is wait for the upload to finish, and keep our eyes and ears open.

The ‘wheel of death’ as so many computer users, shout out during frustration- will disappear and what remains will be our desktop. 

We will only have ownership of our personal screen- the rest, unfortunately will be designed by others, all we can do is wait.

Eureka- oh no! We are not in control. Awe and a biting sense of doom- we might not see our students in classrooms for awhile. The reason we became educators in the first place.

Eureka- we are educators! We are in this for students and we will do what it takes for them. We are optimistic- but we are also realistic. 

If we stay collaborative, maybe our icons will appear a little faster. Maybe, the operating system will function properly and we will be able to add our personal preferences. 

Blue screen not fading, icons not loading. Wheel spinning, computer whirling.........