A Wrinkle in the Routine (113)

I am moving from dungeon to corridor in a castle of wonders and horrors. There is treasure and mayhem. Beautiful tapestry and dingy corners. Cobwebs and glistening goblets of spirits. Everywhere a torch, I can grab one at any time.

There are secret spells abound. Those standing in the shadows with sentient spell books and incantations, are bombarding my castle with magic. Swirling around me- casting positive influence and a few negative ones. I am using my magical thinking to overcome- to make sure I avoid the pitfalls throughout.

Every castle has traps and enticements. Subterfuge and decoy's. Any fantasy story is full of deception, wizards, dragons and the prince or princess that conquers them. What started a few months back as a doorway - led to a hub. No longer a lure but a residence. I am allowing myself to feel comfort in this place.

A wrinkle in the routine. The crisp edges once identifiable have now become obscured by folds and pleats. This does not mean I don't know how to unfold the corrugation. I just use my enchantments, my magus memory and find the best solution.

Things are uncertain- topsy-turvy, changing daily with new information. I embrace the crinkle and crush- I adapt to the reconfiguration. It's just reality after all. My reality, and I choose to use my wand of security to let things be. I choose to listen, to hear all sides of the story.

As in any fantastical tale, there is intrigue, devilish rumor and lots of problems and hurdles to investigate and resolve. The protagonist does not get to run away or hide. Even though they often struggle at first. They accept the quest.

This quest is unavoidable. I did not choose to teach on-line, I did not chose to quarantine and distance. But, I am. I am not wallowing in a corner, waiting like a damsel in distress. I am not a side character in my story. I am the protagonist. The antagonist- Covid.

I choose to use the wrinkle- to bridge the edges closer together, so my routine has more meaning. I choose to tame the dragon. Cast positivity spells. Seek advice from wise mages. Find my path through the dark forest.

I choose optimism and joy.

Things are cloudy, a shadow has been cast on the realm- but I have magical powers: mindfulness, determination, curiosity. So I will end my quest, when the trials and tribulations end. And I will be wiser for the experience.

Honestly, This Sucks- Why Not A Scavenger Hunt? (111)

Let's face it- there is nothing great about distance learning. I guess some teachers may be absolutely loving it. But as for me, and most of my friends, we are not. There is nothing fun about it. I want to be in my classroom, interacting and hearing the din of laughter and learning.

Let's face it- there are a lot of articles, blog posts, podcasts and the like, on this subject. This is just another one. I am sure it won't even make a impact on most people. I guess I am not trying to. Just want to write and get this out there. I do not need a bunch more things thrown at me- that I don't have time to do.

Honestly, I am twice as consumed by school than I have ever been before- and not in a good way. Just tedious troubleshooting, management of grades and trying to make the preFAB required lessons somewhat palatable.  I don't feel like a teacher. I feel like a machine just packaging up ready made materials into some sort of learning.

If I could design all new lessons I would. But, I can't. So- what to do, what to do. Add some layers to them to make them more active. That I can do. Send them outside to observe succession and weathering, erosion and deposition in their yards. That I can do.

I think mindfulness prompts and class discussion boards (live) are fun. I do those. We talk a lot about staying mindful and active. Video clips, interactives and the like.

Those can be done on-line, sure. But, not everyone has internet or enough devices to go around. Going outside is free- accessible (the yard) although, yes- some live in apartments so no yard. So what to do, what to do.

Hurdles. Yes.

But a scavenger hunt is doable. Not ideal. Having them together in a classroom is much more communal, productive and engaging. But again, can't be done. Zoom meetings- well, I don't find them engaging- they are just lectures. So I tend not to do them.

Get a student up away from a device. Using their imagination. That is the best I can do. I can't make them do it- no. I can't make them do anything. BUT, I can sell it and make it sound like a game. Get them interested.

Scavenger hunts can be about literally anything. Have them take a picture, draw a picture. Have them interview a family member. The sky is the limit.

Just a thought...just being honest here. I absolutely hate this distance learning. No one is learning. It is just a way to get from A to B. With maybe some content and absorption a long the way.

I am honest with myself- I am not perfect, I am a better teacher in my classroom. Nothing I do or say will get them engaged as if I was there in person. All I can do is my best.

National Poetry Month ... Here's 2 About Quarantine and the Current Cultural Climate (109)

Viral Pandemic

a virus sparked civil unrest
both microbial and virtual
word contagion
speeches reminding us
we are caged in

mentally
physically
socially

actions lifting the crest
lowering the trough
are we flattening the curve?
are we doing enough?

voices loud, crowds gather
a call to arms
from a disheveled fear
refusing to adhere
can you hear the alarm?

looming outrage
over isolation
science being upstaged
lost in translation
fear swallows acclamation

How long before unrest
overflows
before common sense
is forced to foreclose
and risk
becomes inevitable


Next

continuance of reality
as we quarantine and harbor in place
politics are front and center
but the virus is the
headline

briefings
opinions
decisions made from above
what comes next?

schools closed, but only some
restaurants and entertainment
paused
but public spaces, parks and streets
starting to fill

blinking eyes in the sunlight
adjusting to outside
while others stay enclosed
protected
from transference

when will we shake hands
hug
stand in a queue not six feet apart
ride the bus, the tube, the L
when will we stand before students
watch them learn

next is a while away
feels like the distance
is narrowing then expanding
by daily whims and decisions
made above us

but we wait
we sit tight
we follow the rules
but we need to keep our eyes
on the truth
what is hidden behind the headline

next is next
but the future is our voices
our rights
our decisions
for now
trust science

It's a Numbers Game -Every Educators Dilemma (107)

Teachers are amazing. We rally the troops. We adapt. We slightly waver, but never give up. We persist. Every day whether we are in a brick and mortar classroom or a virtual one- we are present, interactive and proactive. 

We had clubs, extra-curricular competitions and a myriad of other outside of the classroom, school related endeavors. Then something like this happens and they disappeared. We no longer see our students, experience events with them, interact with them. It’s a loss. A deeply emotional loss.

We got hugs and smiles, we told and heard jokes- we laughed. As a class we had fun. We grew together, with a synergy, unique to every group of students. We had our skits, hooks and deep conversations. We were comfortable. Each group its own entity- expanding and flexing with the challenges of learning.

Wham bam, thank you mam.

The physical becomes virtual. No matter our determination- the energy, the flow of the group has changed. We have lost part of the connection, it’s inevitable. We are juggling the dynamics. Some educators have 30 students or less, some 180 or more. It doesn't matter the size- it’s difficult for every teacher, to say the least.

My son is in 4th grade, he received a card from his teacher in the mail yesterday. It made him smile and a little sad. There are teachers driving though their local neighborhoods, of their students and waving at them, leaving care packages. These educators are heroes. I am in awe of their dedication.

As a junior high teacher, I have 180 students, spread out over a large area in Katy. Not feasible to drive through every neighborhood in a 25-mile radius. Sending a card to all 180 students is feasible, expensive, but doable. It just feels so big. My individual groups all combined into a huge unit. I feel an overwhelming urge to scream.

Trying to keep it individualized, personal on every level- is impossible. Communicating with everyone of them, every day is impossible.

Some students are turning in every assignment on-time. We are not giving late grades of any kind, so many are procrastinating and turning in things late. This means having to track down assignments in a multi-faceted, on-line program. A constant search for assignments amidst 180 students. Again, overwhelming. A full-time job.

Some are MIA, they never sign on or skip a week of assignments. Phone calls, emails. Troubleshooting the on-line platform with students. Again, full-time job. Our hours have increased, not decreased. We are again, overwhelmed. 

Then a lot of us are parents too, with children at home attempting to maneuver through virtual classrooms and assignments. As we are grading and in chats with our students and colleagues, our home-life is blurring, with our professional responsibilities. It’s not easy for teachers or parents. Heck, its not easy for anyone. Everyone is struggling in some capacity.

Group size is a huge talking point these days. Distance. No more than a certain number of shoppers in a store- lines, six feet apart, waiting outside for entry. No gatherings of more than 5 publicly. It’s a numbers game.

For me 180 students is a numbers game. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle, with the pieces that won’t stay together. So, the moment you have an edge completed, the other edges falls apart. You have the lid you know what it’s supposed to look like. But, its impossible to get enough of the pieces to attach and stay completed. YET, we keep trying. We educators are relentless,

Daily- I email them, set up chats per class, keep up with their grades, communicate with parents. All the while being a mom. Time-management is a necessity. Patience is a necessity. Calm required. For no teacher is this maintenance and connection maintained with ease. In this regard, the numbers game is universal.

We are all amassing the puzzle pieces, trying to sync the puzzle. It feels just out of phase. But we try- we persist. We make sure we are doing everything possible- 30 to 180 times a day. We maintain a large group professionally, a small group internally in our homes and a mental and physical one on an individual level.

Educators- you are heroes.

Deep breaths, focus and a whole lot of reflection and sought-after feedback. That is the oil to keep this machine working. The pieces of the puzzle may spill, they may even get lost- but we will start to see the image soon- as long as we keep snapping the pieces together.

Something About Letting Yourself Imagine the Worst, is Comforting (105)

It's a mind bender. This situation. What to expect. How to respond. What to watch. What not to watch. What to read. What not to read. My mind is overwhelmed. My body tired from the anxiety. Even the strongest of wills, in my family, my husband, is showing signs of despair.

I find that if I sit quietly and meditate. Imagine the worst scenario. Take it all in. I feel better.

For fifteen minutes a day- I let myself panic. Think of all the what if's, the it's inevitable's, the I have no control over anything's, the I am allowed to feel sorry for myself's. Then I put them to bed. It is the only way I can remain mindful.

Mindfulness is awareness. But also, coping, staying calm, responding not reacting. Finding your center, staying focused, believing in yourself. It is searching inside of you, for the strength to carry on, even though you feel like crawling under the covers and cowering to the depression.

There is something comforting in the fifteen minutes of worst cast imaginable, I let myself embody every morning. After the time span ends- I see the world in much more light. The shadows of uncertainty, seem farther away. I find solutions to my doldrums.

Things are precarious. They are scary. But, they are manageable. My family is with me. I have supplies, electricity, Internet. I have books to read. Games to play. I have ways to entertain myself. Things suck, for real. But, for me, they don't. Not really.

So if I can imagine the worst- then switch my thinking to the actual, the present, coping seems very doable. Choose your outlook- it is 100% yours. Happiness, joy, contentedness- all you.

So allow yourself to see the scary, just for a few minutes- 15 minutes a day, then meditate and clear it from your mind. See the reality of things- and the comfort will find you.

Eggs, Eggo's and Ego's (103)

It's Easter and my youngest is ten. Last year we had an Easter egg hunt. He was not overly excited, in fact his words, "Why do I have to find them?" So this year I gave him an option. He is ten, a mature ten, and I asked -"How would you like to celebrate Easter this year?" His response, a Nintendo DS game instead of an Easter basket and some family board games."

So dyeing eggs and hiding them in bushes, Easter basket packing, is over in my family. We are now a board game, egg shaped Eggo waffle family. I think being cooped up inside doesn't inspire bunny rabbits and peeps. Not anymore. I am kind of sad. All my boys have now outgrown a lot of the celebratory wonder of childhood.

But, with quarantine comes new traditions. I think family board games is a great idea. We also decided not to make the huge dinner- ham, green bean casserole, etc. We opted for a more simple manner of edible delights. Irish brats and home-made sausage stuffing. We make it as a family. Hand-cut LA Bakery bread, awesome fresh herbs and sausage. It's awesome.

I used to make sure every detail of our holidays were perfect. The perfect wrapping, ornate stockings, hand woven baskets with the perfect treats- but this Easter, I know it is now more about family than fanfare. A video game he can enjoy for days is more important than a basket of hard-boiled eggs and chocolate bunnies.

My ego took a bit of a vacation this year. I also learned my youngest is not so young anymore "I'm double-digits mom, I don't need the baby stuff anymore." I gotta be honest- it stung a little. But, time passes, we grow and change, our ego's settle into the reality of our age.

As long as I get to spend time with my children today, it's kind of built in, they literally have no where to go, I am happy.

Happy Easter 2020, a day of ego realizations, the absence of eggs and the addition of a wonderful breakfast tradition- Kellogg's brand Eggo.- cut into egg shaped perfections.

In fact, my family stood around the toaster- and as the first one popped up in unison- we all chimed, "Let go of my Eggo." I retorted, "We got plenty, let's play a board game and eat waffles- Happy Easter CJ's."

John Hughes Blues, Becomes A Week of Enlightenment (101)

My chat tonight is 80's and 90's themed. My week has been watching 80's and 90's movies- Say Anything, Reality Bites, Singles. But mostly- a lot of John Hughes Movies.

I guess this journey was spawned by completing the book- Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. The book is amazing.

I think these movies, really resonated not only because they are the films of my adolescence, but because their theme is still very relevant today.

Sixteen Candles

It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime was the tag line. We often feel out of place, overshadowed by events. There are a lot of birthday parties cancelled these days. A lot of teenagers, who feel ignored in a house full of siblings. It's a time to make sure we acknowledge what they are losing. Let’s face it these days everyone is feeling a loss and teenagers and children most of all.

Pretty in Pink

I can’t even imagine, if in the 80’s when I was a teenager, that I was isolated from my friends. That my prom was cancelled. That my high school graduation might not happen. The culmination of four years of my life- just fading into the woodwork without celebration. This movie might be about being an outcast- but it definitely resonates with what is happening today.

Some Kind of Wonderful

I love this movie- it is an obscure one though. A crush on someone “out of your league” a friend you don’t notice is perfect for you. It feel like the thousand voices jumping on Twitter trying to get noticed. I know it has been crowded on Twitter, but lately it seems over-flowing with yelling voices all trying to be heard. To be noticed by the ‘popular crowd.’ When keeping it close, with friends, seems like the better bet.

Breakfast Club

Everyone knows this movie. A group of teens, who probably would never speak to one another are forced into a situation where they are supposed to not communicate but do. Boredom gets them collaborating and conversing. But, at the end of the day, the honest truth is it will go back to the way it was before. We are entering one another’s orbits often temporarily. But, it’s worth it- to glean insight.

Weird Science

Designing the ideal woman is this movies plot. But with distancing learning it is all about designing an ideal lesson, building ideal virtual relationships. We are all searching for camaraderie and connection. Sometimes its real, sometimes it a flash, temporary moment- but every day we are all trying to make connections in another wise quiet world.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Playing hooky. Taking a drive in a forbidden car. Museums, restaurants and baseball stadiums. The sheer thrill of being outside and living life normally is all of our daily wishes. Yet, like school is a prison for Ferris somedays- our homes feel like an unwelcomed enclosure for us. BUT we have our imaginations and lots of cable tv. I know that among other things is keeping me sane.

John Hughes movies are universal, enduring and indelible. Catch one of these sometime and you will be transported for a little while into the world of expected outcomes. That is refreshing in a time where uncertainty has grabbed hold.