The Truce of Common Sense vs. Personal Choice (21)

Sound practical judgement helps keep us safe. Helps us make the right decisions. It is our basic ability to reason, think things through. Common sense is defined as our awareness, intuition and readiness based on our experiences. Not everyone's astuteness is equal. Some of us are decisive and rational and others of us can be hesitant and doubtful.

Most of us fall in between- when we are confident and purposeful, we tend to be more perceptive and prudent. When we are stressed, frustrated or insecure, we often become divided, leaving things uncertain and wavering. But no matter our disposition our background, maturity and wisdom guide us, to our action and practicality.

"Don't let the wish be the father of the thought"

Is common sense common? Many believe it is not. The lack of it has lead us as a society, to make many an error in judgement. There is a lot of strife and indignation swirling throughout society. The reaction to this acrimony is as vast as the reasons why people are resentful and exasperated. Everyone has an opinion, point of view.

We all have traditions, histories and upbringings that have steered us into our frame of mind. We did not necessarily have personal choice in much of it. We grew up in a certain city or town, we were born into our families, we went to the schools we were zoned too. So, as a result, a lot of our personal choices were hindered and thus our common sense was shaped without our choice.

Yet somehow there is a truce between our common sense and personal choice. Rather than being at odds consistently, they seem to understand one another and work together as we become adults. Most of us accept the basis of our common sense: childhood, parental involvement, education and social interactions. We understand that as children we were divided from our personal choice in many situations, maybe for the better, maybe out of necessity and safety.

When we become a certain age our personal choices are slowly returned to us. When to go to college, when to go to sleep, what to eat, who to spend our time with and when. We leave the nest and when we do, our choices make their way home, adding to our responsibility, obligation- like an albatross. We feel more personal choice and we experience it, appreciate it, but with it comes, adulthood and this is a social contract. There are expectations.

Thus our common sense has to kick in, it has to equalize with our personal choice. It has to be a reminder to do the right thing, say the right thing, or there will be consequences. When we are adults we are held to a different standard. We are presumed, as adults, to be responsible, respectable, honorable. Yet, from our personal experiences, we know this not to be the case. Not every adult is. In fact many range from disrespectful to despicable. Cruel and arrogant. Biased and Self-centered. We have to have the common sense to navigate past them.

“Things do not change; we change.”― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

With personal choice, comes responsibility and there are many people who do not make the right choices. Their common sense, their judgment, based on their experiences, is very different than our own. We might never understand their impetus. For us personally, however, we can recognize the truce between common sense and personal choice and accept that within us, we have nuance and depth- just as everyone else does. 

“Don't find fault, find a remedy; anybody can complain”― Henry Ford

As I tell my students every day-

"You are 13 and your brain is 13 and your common sense is 13 and your personal choices, they are yours and yours alone. It is my job to understand this and adapt to it- it is your job to be productive, mindful 13 year old's."

The Feeling Returns (19)

Me

This is how many people feel. It leads to anxiety and depression. For me it is rare because I tend to keep to myself. I am generally a happy person but I do not have many friends. I am an ambivert. Quiet most of the time and in some instances, when I decide to put myself out there, outgoing. But I tend to get the cold shoulder. 

I guess I am better in small doses because I tend to not follow a logical path all the time and this is awkward. So most people tend to encounter with me briefly. Even when I am trying to make a friend, I generally end up alone like a wall flower. Thus this story is about a recent encounter- left me a bit defeated indeed.

Myself

I saw it in the mirror before I heard it, the collapse of spirit. It shown through in a facial expression, down turned lips, red cheeks, then a slow amassing tear and when it made its way down my cheek, I heard the sob. The sound so familiar, the chest shake so familiar. The thought so familiar "They hate me." 

You would think I'd learn to cope with the loss of friendship, I have encountered it all my life. They talk to me briefly, then decide, in a moment or two, there is someone better nearby to talk to and they hightail it away in a sprint. They see someone near to be friends with, other than me. I see the moment, the split spark of self-preservation before they even know themselves. 

This time, I choose to retreat, put my shield up- I can see that look. This gives them an opportunity to venture off without the awkward. I see them later, laughing and engaged in conversation with someone else. Another one of them. It has always been them and me. I can't compete because I do not know all the rules and the ones I do know, I can't seem to follow. So is this my fault?

They venture into my orbit out of necessity and boredom but leave out of guilt. The guilt that they don't want to get to know me. Because if they did- they would have to talk to me about more than grades, lessons and pacing guides.

Now I hear it before I see it. My inner voice whispers a warning. "Speak slow, concise- make eye contact." Then I see my face, a mental image of my flat pursed lips, eyes wandering and know they are going to 'not get me.' I try so hard sometimes- I create awkward and most people- don't like awkward. I stay, retreat in my mind to my safe place. I hate feeling like I don't belong, but I don't want them to know that.

This feeling takes me to a dark place- spit balls landing in my hair, snickers and sideways glances. You know when someone tolerates you. It's a constant tell- and I know all the tells. We know each other well. I just get angry at myself when I forget and invest my emotions- then this dark place takes hold and I fall under its spell.

I

"Hello my friend, welcome back. You made a fatal error tonight- you have to remember, Don't Try To Make friends- they never last"

I guess I am better not in person. 

I am better in small doses.

I choose pen to paper rather than face to face interactions because I know I will feel this way after, if it is more than a casual conversation. My sanctuary is my isolation. My spectrum I guess.

Kids- they tend to like me just fine. I get along with most students. They sense it. They have the quirk too. Until they conform, until they lose it. The quirk, utter openness. Inhibitions curbed. I live this way and for many it is unnerving. 

I want to fit in, desperately. But I never do. As an adult others seem to just tolerate me. I keep trying though. I am alone again. And that feeling returns- I feel it before I see it or hear it. A deep seeded sadness. But it is fleeting, because it is normal. It is a reminder to keep trying eventually someone will move past the awkward.

Life Has No Obligation to Give You What You Expect (17)

Life has no obligation to give you what you expect- Margaret Mitchell

Obligations

Obligations are constraints. Moral requirements. Societal norms. They are boundaries, enclosing our free will at times. They are behavior restrictions. Much like those we enforce within the walls of our classrooms. Sit in your seat, keep your hands to yourself, be kind.

They also have consequences when we do not conform to them. A bad grade, detention, isolation, even ostracism. For many these obligations are integrated into their mindset, they are rule followers. They prefer a strict code of conduct, that way they can adjust to anyone who does not follow them. Obligations provide a measurement on which to mark our advancements and interactions.

Obligations are necessary. They do create a framework upon which civilization and community are built. They crumble, they hold strong- they are foundational and yet very much auxiliary. We use them to supplement as much as we use them to reinforce long lived notions of order and commonwealth.

They do not always form a coherent equality, often hindering many from participating within the confines of justice and freedom. We believe we can obligate and yet still provide the freedom to think for ourselves. Can we? There is a fluidity, between community and obligation where this can exist, many strive for this freedom and prosperity, to become common place, but at times we fall short.

We must realize we are often blinded by our need for obligation and our desire to make sure we feel comfortable. We often do things we feel are better for those around us, we try to make sure everyone is getting what they need. But we can't. We can teach others to help themselves. We can provide the opportunity for growth, we can be mindful and remind others of their strength and their beauty. We can provide tools, but we can’t make sure everyone is taken care of exactly how they need to be. This has troubled me since my youth.

“Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting.”
― Haruki Marukami

All we can guarantee is our actions. If they reach the expanse of our population, we are called heroes, entrepreneurs, saviors. Yet, most of us reach the breadth of our orbit. The stretch of our domain. We are local contractors and this is just as important. All we can guarantee is that we speak and act with kindness, within the walls of our daily obligations. 

We must accept that we are not all the same. We are not the same race, gender, identity. We do not all live in situations of economic prosperity, safety and convenience. We do not all think the same, act the same, believe the same things. Our opinions are as vast as the universe itself. When we look into the night sky and marvel at the billions of sparkles and shimmers looking back at us- we do not judge them for their varying luminosity. We just appreciate their brilliance.

Expectations

In the case of uncertainty, expectation is an occurrence that is considered to be the most likely to happen. Sometimes it is entitlement based. Others wish. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. Yet, we all have them. Every single one of us. But, they often stem from our obligations. We wish the day would go faster so we can get home and relax. We hope ‘they’ notice us.

We desire a vacation, having confidence that one will be happening soon. When it doesn’t, it gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. Expectations are tricky- they keep us focused and engaged and all the while they are like obligations. They place constraints. They urge us to follow moral requirements and social norms. They create boundaries- because if we expect something, we often stay nearby to get it.

When expectations and obligations merge, and we truly expect those around us to oblige to their responsibilities, we can become quite disappointed. We place our values, our rules, routines and reasoning upon others. This is where we often go wrong. We can’t expect those around us to make our lives happier. We can only expect us to do that. But, we can expect some help along the way if we are not being given the tools we need to survive and thrive.

Within our classrooms we have a lot of obligations: rules and routines that students are required to follow if they are to be considered a good student. We place our expectations of what a good student means upon them. There are many students that: come to school, sit in their seats, behave, do their work and follow all of the rules. We often ignore them because they checked the box. Instead we give attention to those who are struggling to oblige. We try to fix them based on our expectations. When what we should do, is let them find their expectations of themselves and allow them to find a way to oblige to the school and classroom norms.

Our expectations are often much stricter than what students can provide. We must expect them to be their age- to be following the norms of that age group- not the expectations of ours. We will never be free of obligations. We will never be free from expectations of those around us and ourselves. But, we need to make our expectations reasonable and appropriate. We need to see the expanse of humanity as the luminous and beautiful spectacle that it is. It truly is a vast, sparkly, often cold and void place, much like space. Yet it is also an expanse of great opportunity and fulfillment. It is as mammoth and monumental as each individual within it.

We need to accept the unexpected. Not be angry at surprises. Welcome the chance to help create an environment within our classroom, our orbit with flexible, pliable expectations. Because each situation is different, each class period is exclusive and each student has their own expectations, their own personal obligations and to make sure they fit into ours- they have to have some time to just be themselves.

“We cannot expect people to have respect for law and order until we teach respect to those we have entrusted to enforce those laws.”
― Hunter S. Thompson

Mindfulness Can Come in Classroom Combinatory Play (15)

Curiosity Cliff

We have this image of what a genius is- a person who has these amazing ideas, all the time. The individuals brilliant and insightful, day and night. A person for whom things come easily - that have minds more advanced somehow. But, this is not necessarily the case. Yes, they have ingenuity, wisdom and confidence- but they also get distracted, discouraged and overwhelmed like the rest of us. What they have mastered is the ability to take their curiosity, imagination and creativity and hone in on solutions, innovations and unfold a new strategy never even considered. In other words, not necessarily inventing something new, but looking at things in a unique way.

We all have curiosity, imagination, creativity and problem-solving skills. Curiosity is the cliffs edge, imagination the turbulent waters below, creativity the leap- do you dive, jump or slowly climb down the precipice? You have a choice, do you make a splash quickly, or take the long way around, dipping into the current slowly? We are constantly longing for this view, both anticipatory and exciting, but on occasion we doubt ourselves and begin to dwell inside a cave: dark, dank and isolated- where we feel defeated and overwhelmed. So many people surround the cave, however. They too are gazing upon the blue waters, waiting to take the plunge. All we need to do is turn around.

Combinatory Play

Where do we get the determination and motivation to pivot? There are times when we simply get bogged down with new ideas. The ‘ether’ I call it, is bombarding us with visions and speculations, we are simply trying to make sense of. We must find a way to separate ourselves from them, distance ourselves from the noise. Albert Einstein used a technique he called, combinatory play. Combinatory play is the “act of opening up one mental channel by dabbling in another.” In other words, it is taking two unrelated things and putting them together to generate new ideas. Einstein would play violin to overcome a challenging equation. The simple act of walking away from the blackboard and doing something else, playing music, helped the numbers fall into place. This strategy does not set apart geniuses from the masses, but rather, it is a technique any creative person will tell you is invaluable. So how can we use this strategy in our classrooms, to help our students find their cliff?

First, we need to see our learning environment not as a testing ground, where demographics and data scramble the focus. We must see our classrooms as launching points, the cliff above the sprawling ocean, of ingenuity and self-advocacy. We must see the strategies we implement as benefitting all, not just the majority. If a new drug, tested by pharmaceutical companies gets a 57% success rate, they call this ready for market. What about the other 43%? If the techniques are not elevating everyone, preparing them for the dive of knowledge, then we need to find alternatives that will. Looking at the vastness of the sea may intimidate many students, but if we model the jump, leap ourselves, they will follow.

Classroom Dabble

This dabble in something that may not be content related, might put some teachers on the defensive. “That is just playing around,” many will say. However, if we implement these, quick bursts, students will get more creative and innovative. Purposeful distractions are not a bad thing. If we redirect after a set time and monitor the process, we can create these moments of regeneration of imagination, that are meaningful, purposeful and fruitful. They will be beneficial, rejuvenating and they will provide a moment to spark new ideas.

Combinatory play can be integrated in many ways: Create a makerspace, to design and tinker but also to just play for a bit with Lego or Play-doh. Use a whiteboard, chalkboard or even table tops to design a class graffiti wall, a place where students can write poetry, draw cartoons, or even just graffiti. Even a mingle menagerie, interactive group activity, works great for combinatory play. An example: let students participate in a scavenger hunt for clues about an on-going puzzle or class problem. The distraction of the hunt, gets them out of their heads temporarily, letting the solution, to the current class challenge present itself.

I like to make sure combinatory play is not simply a time to talk, but an active, tactile experience- this is when my students focus is redirected, when they let go of what is stunting their thinking. Then, after a brief discussion, they go back to the daily activity, with a clear perspective. This seems like a brain break, but often brain breaks are content related, they are think-pair-share or just a shift of perspective, while combinatory play, is stepping away from content, for the connections to be able to form, in a more organic, natural way. This lifts the fog and allows the sunlight to reach the glimmer of blue, the shimmer of the waves that beckons us up the hillside, lures us out of the cave, and brings us to the edge. The next step, that choice is up to them.

Combinatory play, like mindfulness is not necessarily a trait everyone possesses innately. Students know how to let their inhibitions down and play- but often in a classroom setting they stay reserved, not knowing exactly how to let loose in the academic surroundings of school. Yet, with daily or weekly practice it can be integrated into classroom life. Bringing curiosity alive and making the cliff of imagination less scary and more thrilling, so students learn to rely on one another as they take the leap into problem-solving, self-awareness through mindful play and the fun of learning.

Hydroponics in the Classroom (13)

Hydroponics is a great way for students to investigate alternative way to grow plants, but also to see them growing from seed. My students were very excited when they walked in the door Friday to see this all lit up. With the water flowing inside- it sounds like a trickling stream. At first its a bit distracting- the lights are very bright. But it didn't take long for students to blend it in with the rest of the classroom habitat.

We planted various types of lettuce on Friday. Today there are sprouts already breaking their way through and they are very intrigued at how fast they began to push through the mineral topping. Some students are taking pictures every day and after they are fully grown, we will create a time lapse video.

After about three weeks the lettuce will be fully grown and after six it will be overlapping and flourishing. These pictures are from the same model/vegetation planted at our STEAM center. What to expect in a few weeks.

a great adventure awaits- and plenty of salads too. In the spring we plan on planting some flowers to brighten up our classroom.

A Pocket Full of Shells (11)

Word choice matters. I know some people who speak very carefully, almost compulsively- you know when you are talking to them, that they mean exactly what they say. They are precise, decisive, and literal. They leave no room for interpretation, because they say exactly what they mean. I find this fascinating and impressive. This takes a certain way of thinking: linear, categorical- something I myself lack. I have so many thoughts, all vying for the same attention, most of the time. I spend so much time, organizing and prioritizing, I could never speak so absolute. 

A pocket full of shells. I heard this phrase yesterday and it got my mind peaked. I knew out of these five, simple words, a blog post would come to fruition. Writing precisely, expressly, authentically, this I can do. That is why I tend to do that over speaking. I tried to podcast for a bit, I found it emotionally draining, I just couldn't get my words to flow into a cohesive package. This is a skill, a talent. Podcasting is words melodic. Words both accurate and succinct with flare and pizzazz. I found out pretty quickly, I am a women of the written composition, not the oral one. I may hone my verbosity in the future but for now, I will focus on writing.

A pocket full of shells. Such a succinctness to it. You can see it, a pair of Bermuda short pockets, wet and packed with scallop, cockle and sundial carapace. Their husks sandy and gritty from their journey. Some broken, fragmented and sharp, others smooth and ridged with swirls of white and pink, a few hints of yellow. As children we walked the beach collecting these former critters, in winter, spring or summer. Cold evening breeze or warm summer sun- the beach was not just a place of sunbathing or taking a gentle stroll, but shell collecting for so many of us. That phrase- it triggered a memory.

It also brought forth the idea of how simple, direct phrases, poetic or literal, can really open up the mind for personal interpretation. A pocket full of shells. To some it may trigger the same memory it did for me. I have jars of shells, bleached and preserved. I haven’t been to the beach in several years, but every time I look at the jars, I can almost hear the sound of the waves, smell the saltiness of the brine and feel the crispness of the mist of the ocean. It’s visceral.

For some the statement, may have brought to mind, clutter or dirty souvenirs. Something that ends up on the floor of the car, mixed in with the grains of sand from flip flops and beach towels. A nuisance. I have to admit sand, to me is a nuisance. I am still finding traces of it in my car several years later and when I empty my beach bags before we venture to the pool. While vacations come and go, sand is permanent. Not only in the fact that it is minerals and rock, broken down over eighty million years, but that it’s persistent. Once you come into contact with it, it literally follows you home. Go sand. But the shells, they are a keepsake. We choose to take them home with us. Shells, like beautiful words, inspiring prose, we seek out and collect.

Sea shells are also the remains of the millions of sea creatures that have inhabited this Earth at some point over our long existence. They are a beautiful reminder of decomposition, recycling, renewal and sustainability. So that simple phrase- A pocket full of shells-  it took me to the science too. Right? I told you my mind is never quiet.  Instinctual triggers, scholastic triggers and sentimental triggers are always bombarding me. It is why I think my words are better suited for pen to paper rather than a microphone.

Word choice matters. Mindfulness matters. Reflection matters. So when we are traversing the fluidity of our sandy, rocky shores of life, when our footprints are washed away by the consistency of the ocean, our essence remains. That the carapaces of our words, scattered upon the beach of social media, are positive and enduring. We must choose our words with mindfulness, so as they are gathered, collected and put in clear, glass jars- they trigger a memory of inclusiveness, positivity and joy. 

This is the gift of words, but also their curse. Word choice matters. The choice to be the smooth, white, soft sands- with collaborative support, compassion and innovation or the choice to be the rocky, gritty, sharp sands, piercing and destructive. Both lie beneath the feet of so many. Both we as a society must walk across to reach the stirring, nurturing, often trenchant waters of connection. Both are a choice. We can keep our shoes on and avoid the scars, or choose to build a boardwalk. Either way, we can still see the shells, sand and opportunity.

I prefer to walk upon the sand, where I can remove my shoes and feel the comfort of the grains between my toes, feel its strength and endurance. I prefer to gather the sea shells from those types of beaches. Don’t you? Sometimes, I end up with bloody soles. But I will always choose the path of growth. No matter the discomfort. Collaboration and community is important. Personal joy is important. Do what you love. If you don't love it, let it go. Find your niche. 

Word choice matters. Experience matters. 

The shells that fill our pockets, they matter to us alone. The sand that comes along with them, they are part of the journey.

Student Mantras: To Feed or Not to Feed (Which Wolf) that is the Question (9)

We had a follow -up lesson: discussion and writing prompt today to warm them up before the quiz. The writing prompt was: "Write a mantra that you use, or will use tomorrow, when you are anxious, angry, or sad." After students wrote them in their mindfulness journal, we shared them as a class. Some of them were amazing. I was like, whoa, I am totally going to use that one. Out of the mouths of students. I mean very cool. Below are some of my favorites.

"Its all for something better"
"I always go worst case scenario- think differently."
"It is all to make me see the world with new eyes."
"There are many paths to good."
"Learn not to get angry at surprises."
"6:30-6:30, I can make it twelve hours." (She wakes up at 6:30am and eats dinner at 6:30pm and she says this helps her chunk her day into manageable pieces)
"Live today, learn for tomorrow."
"Procrastination is my anxiety, do things now and that will go away."
"Fear not the future, if you look it will become noticeable."

Students enjoyed sharing there mantra's. Some students chose not to, claiming they have used a corny one since they were four, or its personal. This is expected and perfectly acceptable. I love though, that so many wanted to share theirs. It made for a great conversation.

Then we discussed the video we watched a few days ago. I have it linked here in case you missed my blog post on Tuesday. http://www.viewpure.com/vzKryaN44ss?start=0&end=0

Tuesday was our first day back and our mindfulness lesson was a bit longer than normal to just re-sync us as a community. A little self-awareness and reflection never hurt anyone. Especially 12-13 year old's. That lesson was amazing. So today, before our quiz I knew tying today's warm-up back to it, seemed like a great way to remind them, of their new strategies to stay calm and focused.

I asked them to close their eyes and think of two things: A time within the last 24 hours where their angry wolf was fed and a time within the last 24 hours when their positive wolf was fed. Then we revisited their mantra's. And I asked them- would your new mantra maybe have helped you cope with your angry wolf a little bit better? It was a great conversation and it lasted 7 minutes. It is very easy to incorporate mindfulness lessons into your classroom.

On January 20th at a district PD day, I am teaching these strategies to my colleagues in the district. In fact, there was so much interest, I am teaching it twice. It makes me very happy that mindfulness is becoming more mainstream in education. It is misunderstood and I am trying, day by day, to inspire other teachers to incorporate it into classroom life and to make sure they know how easy and inspiring it is for students. It takes a week or so to get them all on board, but it is a wonderful thing- I can't tell you how much more positive and engaged my students are. We started in August and now, it is very much a thread that runs deep throughout the fabric of our classroom culture.

It's not too late to begin. Last year I started my mindfulness lessons in January and it made a huge difference. Every day they think about their actions, write about pitfalls, peaks and feeding the angry wolf or the positive wolf. I know it has made a difference- I see it and feel it every day, in every class. You will too, I promise.