Life has no obligation to
give you what you expect- Margaret Mitchell
Obligations
Obligations are constraints. Moral
requirements. Societal norms. They are boundaries, enclosing our free will at
times. They are behavior restrictions. Much like those we enforce within the
walls of our classrooms. Sit in your seat, keep your hands to yourself, be
kind.
They also have consequences when we
do not conform to them. A bad grade, detention, isolation, even ostracism. For
many these obligations are integrated into their mindset, they are rule
followers. They prefer a strict code of conduct, that way they can adjust to
anyone who does not follow them. Obligations provide a measurement on which to
mark our advancements and interactions.
Obligations are necessary. They do
create a framework upon which civilization and community are built. They
crumble, they hold strong- they are foundational and yet very much auxiliary.
We use them to supplement as much as we use them to reinforce long lived
notions of order and commonwealth.
They do not always form a coherent
equality, often hindering many from participating within the confines of
justice and freedom. We believe we can obligate and yet still provide the
freedom to think for ourselves. Can we? There is a fluidity, between community
and obligation where this can exist, many strive for this freedom and
prosperity, to become common place, but at times we fall short.
We must realize we are often
blinded by our need for obligation and our desire to make sure we feel
comfortable. We often do things we feel are better for those around us, we try
to make sure everyone is getting what they need. But we can't. We can teach
others to help themselves. We can provide the opportunity for growth, we can be
mindful and remind others of their strength and their beauty. We can provide
tools, but we can’t make sure everyone is taken care of exactly how they need
to be. This has troubled me since my youth.
“Whatever it is you're seeking won't
come in the form you're expecting.”
―
―
All we can guarantee is our
actions. If they reach the expanse of our population, we are called heroes,
entrepreneurs, saviors. Yet, most of us reach the breadth of our orbit. The
stretch of our domain. We are local contractors and this is just as important.
All we can guarantee is that we speak and act with kindness, within the walls
of our daily obligations.
We must accept that we are not all
the same. We are not the same race, gender, identity. We do not all live in
situations of economic prosperity, safety and convenience. We do not all think
the same, act the same, believe the same things. Our opinions are as vast as
the universe itself. When we look into the night sky and marvel at the billions
of sparkles and shimmers looking back at us- we do not judge them for their
varying luminosity. We just appreciate their brilliance.
Expectations
In the case of
uncertainty, expectation is an occurrence that is considered to be the most likely to happen. Sometimes
it is entitlement based. Others wish. An expectation, which is a belief that is
centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. Yet, we all have them.
Every single one of us. But, they often stem from our obligations. We wish the
day would go faster so we can get home and relax. We hope ‘they’ notice us.
We desire a vacation,
having confidence that one will be happening soon. When it doesn’t, it gives
rise to the emotion of disappointment. Expectations are tricky- they
keep us focused and engaged and all the while they are like obligations. They
place constraints. They urge us to follow moral requirements and social norms.
They create boundaries- because if we expect something, we often stay nearby to
get it.
When expectations and
obligations merge, and we truly expect those around us to oblige to their responsibilities,
we can become quite disappointed. We place our values, our rules, routines and
reasoning upon others. This is where we often go wrong. We can’t expect those
around us to make our lives happier. We can only expect us to do that. But, we
can expect some help along the way if we are not being given the tools we need
to survive and thrive.
Within our classrooms
we have a lot of obligations: rules and routines that students are required to
follow if they are to be considered a good student. We place our expectations
of what a good student means upon them. There are many students that: come to
school, sit in their seats, behave, do their work and follow all of the rules.
We often ignore them because they checked the box. Instead we give attention to
those who are struggling to oblige. We try to fix them based on our
expectations. When what we should do, is let them find their expectations of
themselves and allow them to find a way to oblige to the school and classroom
norms.
Our expectations are
often much stricter than what students can provide. We must expect them to be
their age- to be following the norms of that age group- not the expectations of
ours. We will never be free of obligations. We will never be free from
expectations of those around us and ourselves. But, we need to make our
expectations reasonable and appropriate. We need to see the expanse of humanity
as the luminous and beautiful spectacle that it is. It truly is a vast, sparkly, often cold and void place, much like space. Yet it is also an expanse of great opportunity and fulfillment. It is as mammoth and monumental as each
individual within it.
We need to accept the
unexpected. Not be angry at surprises. Welcome the chance to help create an
environment within our classroom, our orbit with flexible, pliable expectations. Because each situation is different, each class period is exclusive and each
student has their own expectations, their own personal obligations and to make
sure they fit into ours- they have to have some time to just be themselves.
“We cannot expect people to have respect
for law and order until we teach respect to those we have entrusted to enforce
those laws.”
―
―
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