The List
A few months ago I spent a day just walking around my room, writing down every negative comment I heard students say. To themselves or to others. It turned out that after 6 class periods I had about 4 full pages of negative comments. This is what inspired the more formal lesson of S.T.O.M.P. Stand, Think, Optimize, Mindful, Presence.
I have always had a mindfulness component in my classroom, but after that day I knew I needed a more consistent, concise, collaborative strategy, that brought in community and personal reflection. Since that fateful day in September, I have been integrating mindfulness in almost every thing we do- warm-ups, brain breaks, ticket's out the door. Every day something about mindfulness and self-awareness.
Last week I decided to walk around the room of all my classes and make another list. This time of all the positive comments I heard students say to themselves or to someone else. At the end of the day I had about four full pages of comments. They ranged from thank you to I appreciate you being mindful right now because I know I was rude to you. Then the next day I walked down the hall during each class change and wrote down every positive and every negative comment I heard.
I expected them to lean towards the negative end of things and there were many negative comments, cussing and just plain mean behavior. But, as it turned out, it was about even with a little more positively than negatively. I noticed a lot of the positivity came from my students, past or present. But, there were so many smiles and moments of kindness, it warmed my heart.
The Outcome
The lists were eye opening. But, I had to take it further (I tend to do this a lot). The last three days I have been carrying a small pad around with me and I have been writing down every negative thing I think, or say aloud. One day I wrote down every positive thing I thought, the other every negative thing. The third day both- just keeping track of moments throughout the day where I might lean more negative or more positive.
I wanted to see if holding myself accountable for my thoughts and words would make me think less negatively or more positively. Behave differently maybe. I held very strict to my note taking. Generally an upwards arrow and a word or two like- So in so said a positive thing to me, or a downward arrow and a word or two like- fatigued after lunch or loudness in the hallway. Did my behavior or outlook change?
Are you on the edge of your seat? Drum roll....it did. Not only did I think differently, I caught myself in negative thoughts, I steered myself towards positive thoughts. I acted differently too, I smiled more and interacted more and just paid more attention to my actions and words. My posture, facial expressions and eye contact altered. I made sure to be specific with my compliments like- that was a great job because I really like how you used alliteration and onomatopoeia in your puppet show.
But above all else, it altered my perception of my surroundings and the actions of others. I saw not just the behavior, but the impetus for it. I heard rude comments, but rather than focusing on the words, I felt an understanding as to why they were angry enough to say them. Basically I remembered what it felt like to be a middle-schooler.
I remembered to redirect with words like- hey I know you might be stressed out today for some reason but let's remember to be mindful. I slowed down, took a beat and really paid attention to what was going on around me and I noticed a lot of things I usually am too busy to perceive. Students being nice to each other.
Visual
I am a visual learner. I need to write things down. Reflect in a journal. Write a blog. Words mean a lot to me- they are my musical notes, my brush strokes, my modeling clay. So I knew if I was going to make a difference, make myself more aware, hold myself more accountable, I needed to write it down. Not just for reflection but because if I write it down I internalize it, see my error in thinking, own it. So I can be better. More often than not, I do not speak negatively to people. But, I slip up when I am in a frenzy of self pity or exhaustion. I wrote it, I own it- self pity.
I tell students "There is no pity party, feel sad, feel hurt, even if you must feel angry, but let it go and move on." This I am pretty good at. It's the feel it part that often drags me down. I live in a world of self-doubt yet I have enough self-confidence that I bugger on. I need to work on the self-doubt part. So I have decided that the pad is going to be a permanent deal, for awhile at least. Until I am moving around in a space of "I got this." Rather than a space of "Well...maybe I got this." Because honestly, in the end, after the pity party and self-doubt- I generally got this.
Step one- be brutally honest with yourself- no one is listening.
Step two- reflect at the end of the day and in the morning, but more importantly- frequently throughout the day.
Step three- carry a pad around and write down your thoughts, every time you feel yourself getting dragged to the dark side- make a perception roll. Face your thoughts by writing them down.
Step four- accept that you will throw many pity parties- but you will throw more celebratory ones, especially if you keep track of the guest list.
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