As with many, I do not enjoy being wrong. Not because I failed or stumbled. Not because I think I am always right. In fact I am the opposite- I seem to doubt myself and second guess myself constantly- and well, I think I have a lot to learn. I like learning so this part I quite enjoy. I think it is being embarrassed that tricks us into thinking we are always right. Confidence getting seduced by pride. But truth, no one is right all the time. Calling people out for it- I think that might be the impetus for most of the anger, hatred and revenge in the world.
We want so much to be appreciated, respected- but more than that treated with respect and reverie and when we are not- we get defensive. We stake deeper claims to our truth, to our opinions and values- never blinking. We stare into the chasm- relentless. Even though all the evidence is laid out before us. We see glimpses of it, but our pride kicks it out of the way. We are so afraid to look bad, to be judged- we forget we are doing that to ourselves: and personal judgement, guilt, self-deprecation- that is our true enemy. If we can conquer that demon- things will look much simpler.
We complicate, exaggerate, exasperate. We ignore, avoid and down right deny. Our brains are trained to do that- if we can narrow our focus we can get more things done. We can let the noises of life continue around us and still get things done. We are wired to see what is in front of us and ignore our periphery- unless danger lies ahead. If we know we are equipped with a field of vision larger than we need- why are we so desperate to stay within. When we have so much room to scribble, rip things up and kick the dirt.
I can sit here and write a tale of my ease with failure and being wrong. It would be a false narrative- I struggle greatly with it. Being bullied in school and made to feel less than in my younger years, has led me to be constantly looking for ways to feel more than and let me tell you making mistakes and being wrong is not one of them. But, having Dyslexia and a bit of Autism- I know I have flaws. But, I have just as many strengths. I feel guilty when I am successful. Yet, I never give up. I have a hard time in conversations- my mind wanders, I am easily distracted and over-loaded. But, I ask questions and seek answers. A conundrum.
The thing I enjoy about being wrong, is that I love knowing I can learn new things: new ways of conquering my fears, new ways of teaching, new ways of meeting people. I love to read- when I say I love to read, I mean like really love it. I have a book or magazine in my hand 80% of the day. I love seeking answers. Hearing different opinions. Listening to podcasts. Hearing the opposing point of view to my own. I want to know what people are thinking- this guides me to ask more questions.
So being wrong to me does not have anything to do with ignorance- in fact its quite the opposite. Blissful ignorance means staying in a bubble of those who tell you what you want to hear. Never shaking up the bottle and letting the carbon dioxide explode outward. The fizz, the overflow of foam and bubbles- that means you have to clean it up and when we clean things up we are more likely to notice things. We are more likely to listen to the pop and feel the sticky texture. This is learning in a nutshell.
Being wrong means I do not know enough. I can get better and grow and as they say "Bloom where you are planted." But also- "Find the light and let your branches stretch"- that is mine. I think photosynthesis requires radiant energy and our minds require words and stories, findings and discussions and this energy is energy for the soul as much as it is for the mind. Being wrong allows this energy to find you. So you can discover more ways to grow. So find the joy in being wrong and the love of wondering why? This is where we find compassion and mindfulness. Love and grace. Respect and gratitude.
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