Sunday, April 18, 2021

They Made Up Their Mind and Started Packing

They made up their mind and started packing. Where are they going without ever knowing the way? They do not have a map or GPS. They decide to walk around the lake tonight. Then venture off down a new road tomorrow. Decisions many, some made without thought. Others determined by a sermon or campaign that steered them away from the choir. It feels safer being off the grid in a world without frequent travellers and cartographers. The intentions are loud. Silence is their reward. Isolation is their clarity.


They hear the roar of the crowd. The unforgiving, relentless opinions in combat. Each an armada of personal truth. Blinders on. Mute button pushed. The cults of personality- speaking in a language not foreign, not inconsistent with the populace voice. But nonetheless not their words, thoughts or feelings. Trying to stay removed is a task, arduous and exhausting. For silence is considered a threat to the fleet. A threat to both sides of the war. Tug-of-war pulling troops into a stand off.


They are stipped, barren in a conversation of mudslinging. Nothing to retaliate to. Nothing to bundle or curse. They simply dig. Dig deep for a way out of the battle. They are not combatants, enemies of the state, or warlords. They are not victims, yet. They are hiding away from the din of dismay and conversations of distrust. They see the reason for dissent. They feel the anger and sadness. They understand it, they have been judged, misunderstood, blamed, ridiculed, bullied and hated themselves.


They experience the fever, nightmares and anxiety. They are not in the majority of any circumstance. They have been displaced. They have been under attack and no fortification has kept THEM out. There are many things they can not fully understand- experience and circumstance preventing it. But they are reasoning beings, open-minded, kind and retrospective. They think about their actions. They speak honestly and with conviction with a positive outlook. They live life with a deep need to see all perspectives. They are independent from the crowd, the choir, the loudest voice. 


They choose to play something new. Listen to the lyrics. Listen carefully to the meaning, to the irony, to the reality. They unpack their emotions, for feelings are not facts. Feelings are their way to make sense of the noise. They pick at the straw, shovel the sand, and hammer away at the scaffolding of hate. They refuse to settle for conjecture or make decisions based on fear. This takes work. It takes an honest look at themselves. It can be painful, it can be beautiful and it often leads to new travel plans. New reasons to pack. But, more reasons to unpack after a journey. 


Changing minds is no one's responsibility. It is costly and can often result in more negativity. But asking the right questions, following your heart, listening with such engagement that it feels uncomfortable- this is the way to get more people to pause- to recognize an attempt to understand. This is how minds are opened. Not by preaching, politicking or persuading but by personal growth. When they grow it shows. When they find truth not by happenstance, but by inner reflection, outer refraction and consistent meaningful, purposeful conversations- it shows.


They are welcoming to dissension in the ranks. They, the rebels, that start the meader, that slow negative flow. When they take the time to remove themselves from the banter, this does not mean they do not care- it means they care enough to rethink, reassemble and redirect the voices that are vibrating the common ground. Causing tumbling and landslides on the edges. Clearing the way for others to make the journey to the surface- both sturdy and active.


They are packing so they can travel to the center, the foci, the epicenter of change. The common ground. This is the spot where the armada tends to avoid- because it means not raising the white flag of defeat of their enemy- or the parade of victory. It means laying down their arms and sitting down to have a conversation about similarities, honest problems of racism, prejudice, misogyny and hate. To face the cause of war, accept the role, and understand the demons of these atrocities.


These are not universal. Yet, they are more common than we think. These are the uncomfortable things we need to look in the eye and conquer.They are the common threat, the enemy of the state, the terrorists and devils of society. THEY, themselves are not any of these. THEY are catching their breath in order to dive into the ocean below and swim towards the conversation- but with a demeanor that lends itself to evidence based change, real discussion of how to begin. 


THEY made up their mind and started packing. THEY found the way, they travelled around the lake, through the woods and made their way to common ground. This is where they built their home. Set up their wifi and gas lines. Settled in for the long haul- because nothing is more important. AND, YET nothing is more destructive and fluid. It will not happen overnight, it will not happen in a year or a decade. But, it requires sturdy ground, a voice of common sense and a voice- not one of preach, persuasion or politics- but one of gentle reasoning and determination.


Tuesday, April 6, 2021

The Joy of Being Wrong

As with many, I do not enjoy being wrong. Not because I failed or stumbled. Not because I think I am always right. In fact I am the opposite- I seem to doubt myself and second guess myself constantly- and well, I think I have a lot to learn. I like learning so this part I quite enjoy. I think it is being embarrassed that tricks us into thinking we are always right. Confidence getting seduced by pride. But truth, no one is right all the time. Calling people out for it- I think that might be the impetus for most of the anger, hatred and revenge in the world.

We want so much to be appreciated, respected- but more than that treated with respect and reverie and when we are not- we get defensive. We stake deeper claims to our truth, to our opinions and values- never blinking. We stare into the chasm- relentless. Even though all the evidence is laid out before us. We see glimpses of it, but our pride kicks it out of the way. We are so afraid to look bad, to be judged- we forget we are doing that to ourselves: and personal judgement, guilt, self-deprecation- that is our true enemy. If we can conquer that demon- things will look much simpler.

We complicate, exaggerate, exasperate. We ignore, avoid and down right deny. Our brains are trained to do that- if we can narrow our focus we can get more things done. We can let the noises of life continue around us and still get things done. We are wired to see what is in front of us and ignore our periphery- unless danger lies ahead. If we know we are equipped with a field of vision larger than we need- why are we so desperate to stay within. When we have so much room to scribble, rip things up and kick the dirt.

I can sit here and write a tale of my ease with failure and being wrong. It would be a false narrative- I struggle greatly with it. Being bullied in school and made to feel less than in my younger years, has led me to be constantly looking for ways to feel more than and let me tell you making mistakes and being wrong is not one of them. But, having Dyslexia and a bit of Autism- I know I have flaws. But, I have just as many strengths. I feel guilty when I am successful. Yet, I never give up. I have a hard time in conversations- my mind wanders, I am easily distracted and over-loaded. But, I ask questions and seek answers. A conundrum.

The thing I enjoy about being wrong, is that I love knowing I can learn new things: new ways of conquering my fears, new ways of teaching, new ways of meeting people. I love to read- when I say I love to read, I mean like really love it. I have a book or magazine in my hand 80% of the day. I love seeking answers. Hearing different opinions. Listening to podcasts. Hearing the opposing point of view to my own. I want to know what people are thinking- this guides me to ask more questions.

So being wrong to me does not have anything to do with ignorance- in fact its quite the opposite. Blissful ignorance means staying in a bubble of those who tell you what you want to hear. Never shaking up the bottle and letting the carbon dioxide explode outward. The fizz, the overflow of foam and bubbles- that means you have to clean it up and when we clean things up we are more likely to notice things. We are more likely to listen to the pop and feel the sticky texture. This is learning in a nutshell.

Being wrong means I do not know enough. I can get better and grow and as they say "Bloom where you are planted." But also- "Find the light and let your branches stretch"- that is mine. I think photosynthesis requires radiant energy and our minds require words and stories, findings and discussions and this energy is energy for the soul as much as it is for the mind. Being wrong allows this energy to find you. So you can discover more ways to grow. So find the joy in being wrong and the love of wondering why? This is where we find compassion and mindfulness. Love and grace. Respect and gratitude. 

A Blustery Time, Brings Dust in the Wind

Little actions stick. A negative glance, even in a split moment, after the moment is gone, remains heavy. We tend to let them go. But, they ...