A Temper Tantrum becomes a Reason to Connect (283)

 I have a lot of patience. I am a very positive person. I am also a forgiving person. I clean slate every day. There is absolutely no reason to hold a grudge against a student. They say things they don't mean, they are impulsive, they are obstinate and yes, at times infuriating- but, they are children and well, children are immature and learning how to navigate their world. We as educators need to respect that and allow a few mishaps every now and then.

I teach three classes of 40 virtually on Zoom. I also teach three classes of about 20 in person. I bounce back and forth between them throughout the day. Mask on, mask off. It takes a lot of calm, Karate exercise and mind control at times to maneuver the course laid out before me. Some days things go smoothly, others, not so much. Sometimes the crowd gets restless and rowdy. 

Today a student, having the decorum at least to do it privately in chat and not verbally in front of the Zoom class, decided to throw what he called a "temper tantrum of mass destruction." He got confused on an assignment and just lost it. I tried explaining it, step by step, he sent a message basically saying I didn't know how to teach and he needs a better teacher.

I let that one go. I responded, "I am sorry you are confused and frustrated but I am trying to help you. Your words are not a question they are an attack." He escalated, "I am stuck in my house, screaming younger brother. I can't concentrate. I am in a class of 40 and I feel lost. I know we have 1-minute check in's but I don't have questions then- when I do you are helping someone else." This all being typed furiously in a chat box.

I reminded him to take a breath. Just breathe. Stop typing, close your eyes and just calm yourself. It will be alright. The chat remained quiet for a few minutes. Then he came back and with a noticable turn of vocabulary and demeanor. Then he apologized and said that he just needed to vent. "Adults often treat us as voiceless beings, we can't complain or anything. But you listened and now I know I can trust you. You are a good teacher, I didn't mean to say that." - "It's alright" I said, "we all have days like these."

"Clean slate," I said. "I understand. All I ask is that when you get this unraveled, that you stop before you act in a way that is unkind to others." He told me he would. Then he added, "Teachers often just punish us for our outburst and do not take the time to listen. To just listen. We are struggling now more than ever." I smiled, "I am happy that I listened, you just needed to be heard."

"Yes, especially now when we are so isolated- we need to be heard and believed in. We are good kids who are trying to find their way in this crazy time." 

"I am here for you", I said. He replied "I am thankful for that, I need someone now more than ever in my corner."

This is a student I have spoken to in 1-minute check in's but not really in class. He stays quiet in class. I understand in a class of 40 on Zoom it can be intimidating. But had I shut him down, I would have lost him forever. Now that we have had this moment- we have this bond.