How Often? (132)

A week has not gone by that I don't remember. It's a part of coping. Eventually coping becomes normal. The trauma of something eventually becomes a shadowed memory- like a dark spot on the horizon. I focus on today, but yesterday creeps in.

When it does its not light and optimistic, like the Beatles so eloquently wrote about. Things over-take the memory. There are pressing matters at hand here. Managing the work load, taking care of family, trying to stay positive and productive during this time.

Yet, through the consistency- bygone peaks its head in. Tap, tap- I find myself looking over my shoulder a lot, half expecting to see an illusory figure staring back at me. I notice every ailment- headache, sour stomach, muscle cramp. The precursory maladies of stagnancy and isolation.

How often do I just relax? Almost never. Unless it is an event, like Mother's Day where I am distracted and surrounded by my family- playing games and conversing. I generally am working on school stuff, reading, or writing and as I try to remain on task- the tap, tap of vague melancholy, always seems to be there.

How often am I depressed? Rarely. It's punctuated equilibrium for me these days, but I spend a large amount of time in good spirits. I am cheerful and buoyant- staying afloat, above the undercurrent. I feel encouraged that things will get better- but jittery and worried, about the time frame on which we will get back into our classrooms with our students.

How often am I outside of my home? During the day, about once every two weeks do I go into a grocery store. Most days and evenings, I take a drive to and from, picking up my children from work. I like to sit in the car and feel the cool breeze on my face. I like to see cars driving by, sometimes people at the park. It gives me a sense of 'life goes on.' "Ob la di ob la da," as the Beatles say.

How often do I lose it? About once a week I have to just lie on the floor of my closet and cry. Let it all out. I give myself the 15 minutes to pity party and feel sad. Feel outraged and frustrated. Accept the struggles that are going to befall me in these next months. Then I shake it off and carry on with my day. I let it be.

How often do I procrastinate? A lot. One would think with this supposed free time, that I would have plenty of it, to get every thing done. I just don't. Some days it all seems overwhelming and I shy away from responsibility. Some days I look for the 5-minute favor, or ten-minute consolation. Others, I just isolate. It's hard to tell when I wake up which kinda day I will have. Sometimes "Blackbird" is my song of choice. But, I prefer "Across the Universe."

How often do I set goals? Every day. I make lists, lots of lists. I say morning intentions, write my daily mantra. I listen to good music to lift my spirits. The Beatles always helps. 80's music is a welcome beat I jam to when I am writing. Some ABBA and New Order to get the blood pumping.

I read a good book. I write a blog post. I have a routine. How often to I complete my daily goals? Every day. Its the forethought that matters. I have to meditate first, then reflect on my mindset, then set reachable goals. I need a list of things, I can achieve every day. This keeps me positive.

How often do I blog? Every day. How often do I reflect? Everyday. How often do I look myself in the mirror and give myself a pep talk? Not as much as I should.

I think its important to face your demons. Sometimes the demon is ourselves. Sometimes we don't take care of our mental half, come to think of it, out physical half either. But it is so important, more than ever, that we do. The demon can only survive if we are neglectful and ambivalent.

Like in an emergency on an airplane- it is important we put on our own oxygen mask first, before we can help others do the same. However we accomplish that- is personal.

Exercise, arts and crafts, writing or any other of the thousands of outlets we read about in social media. It doesn't matter what it is- as long as we do it, how often? That depends on you.