Glance, Glare, Gawk- Dealing with Shame

Imagine a World

Let me begin with a tale. A paradise I feel in my heart but do not see with my eyes. A place where hatred is tolerated as much as individuality. We think what we think, it is how we choose to deal with our fear that matters.

Imagine a world where every person could dress how they feel, be who they are and express themselves without fear of judgement. Well without an attack of it anyway. Judgement is a part of our human psyche, even the purest and kindest of individuals have a moment where they judge others- they just let it pass and focus on mindfulness rather than discrimination. Imagine the vibrancy, the beauty of individuality, glory of self-expression that would arise if we felt safe to be who we truly are. Close your eyes for a moment. Did you see it?

Every color has more shades, every sound more notes, every emotion brings more connection because we would all sense a commonality. This fantastical world will unfortunately never exist, because there is too much intolerance, bigotry and hatred. There is too much prejudice against things we do not understand. People will be brave enough to dress flamboyantly or even against the norm but those who fear change, resist individuality, have to make sure they are the cause of fear. They think if they instill fear they will squelch our human freedom to be who we are. That those of us who have a voice of personal expression and creativeness will fall in line with their beliefs, their values, as if our values are not the same.

Imagine a world where we have the freedom to think for ourselves, and glance, glare, gawk at others but with respect. It is alright to glance at someone who you find strange or unique it is not okay to gawk and make rude comments only because you are afraid. We all have an image in our head of what 'normal' is, what 'acceptable' is. It is when our image is forced onto other's, when this world, our world becomes a place of shame for me. I am ashamed of others who feel they need to make my son feel bad about himself. I feel shameful that people do not see the beauty in others and focus instead on believing they are better than anyone else.

Reality of it All

People are positive or negative. Accepting or judgmental. Some in their head, others out loud. Some take ownership of their prejudices, ego-centrism, while others want to speak loudly but deny their cruelty. They hide behind a mask of Internet or claim ignorance. But in reality they know they are wrong and that is why they hide. They feel trapped in conventionality so they lash out at others who have removed the shackles of it.

In crowds I notice glances, glares and gawks- of others, maybe at me, although I do not stand out physically- I do in my actions: risk-taker, innovator. Those who walk the line, but choose safety of the box, often resent and hate. Judgment runs deep- we all have it in us, yet in most of us it is fleeting and silent. We feel it approaching and we tackle it to the ground. While some need to showcase it- shine it up like a trophy and put it on display because it feels powerful to be mean, to know you made others feel bad. Because then they do not have to face the humiliation and fear in their own minds- the fear they themselves have flaws.

I am sad as I look at the faces of those who feel they are superior. Those who feel their words are necessary. It is a phenomenon and wide spread- fueled by discontent. They feel justified. They feel empowered. While others of us feel exhausted and frustrated at the notion that part of humanity has lost its way. That people have lost their moral compass and they are navigating on the mid-advice of extreme influencers. Those who seek opportunities to be mean. They are everywhere- these cruelty-philes they are beacons for others like them.

They stand- glance, glare, gawk- point, snicker, as a unit. They stir the pot- like a swamp, life in their sphere, is nearly motionless, ripples may reach the surface but they quickly slow under the weight of the sludge, moss and mud. These crocodiles stick only their tips out so they can remain predatory. They swim so still no one sees them until they pounce with hostility and malice. The trees around them droop, insects quietly buzz about, fearful of the wrath of slow moving creatures. This quagmire of negativity and evil, lurks. It nears the edges of happier places.

It surrounds the moments of isolation and anxiety. The only way to conquer it and paddle down stream to clearer waters is to collaborate and build relationships with positive, like-minded people. If mindfulness is going to succeed we must remove the sludge from our habitat. We must clear the rubbish and lay a foundation of bright, purposeful behavior. Trim the moss and plant the seeds of garden life. This way fruitful interactions, fibrous collaboration and flowering connections can be formed.

Glare, Gawk, Rude Comments

Now let me end with a tale. A family day trip to the beach. A paradise I felt in my heart and envisioned with my own eyes. A place where I never thought so many would be judgmental. Where how we dress, how we look, who we are, would not be criticized. A day I thought would be filled with family fun, which was for the most part, but was tainted by cruelty-philes. A day that was blemished because of several people who felt they were superior, they were flawless and that their values were different than my family. Who felt they needed to be mean, and were cruel because they could be.