Casual Cruelty, Momentary Mindfulness, A Code Rebooted

The World We Live In

We are a society of talkers, listeners, influencers and agents of change: all with opinions and very strong beliefs. We are living in a country fractured, a world in disunity: along political lines, social divides, and mindful partitions. We inhabit a landscape where being rude and disrespectful is somehow acceptable and accepted. Our words, actions and behavior are becoming blurred, we have lost the comfortable and courteous norms, upon which we once revolved. The interactions that kept our society, kind and thoughtful. The niceties and politeness of yesteryear have become either hyper-focused, with no margin for error or discomfort, or evaporated into a normalcy of "tell it like it is," no matter how that may make others feel. Trolls, ogres and demons of verse and comment, are running rampant on social media. Not only are they looking for a fight, they are geared up with insults and outrage- sometimes over something well-warranted, but many times just for fun. They appreciate and enjoy the strife they unleash. This casual cruelty is their drug of choice. Like a sweet tooth, urging a sugary fix. So how can we stay mindful among the mindful less?

It is spring, the last quarter of the school year. Standardized testing is in full swing and students are tired, antsy and short-tempered. Teachers are frustrated, exhausted and cantankerous. It takes a lot of effort this time of year, to see beyond the behavior and recognize that students are frazzled and swamped. They may be behaving badly, but they are behaving in a way they see others behaving- they feel justified. If we simply punish or condemn rather than redirect and model, they will not see the value in mindfulness. If we respond with patience and compassion and explain why their behavior is inappropriate, they will be much more likely to separate, what they see from what they do. It takes restraint and composure, but if we invest in these moments, we can begin to chip away at the roughness of attitude, that has taken over our society.

Hallways and Classrooms

Students are burdened with end of year activities, exams and performances. They take their cue from us and when teachers count down the days on the board, clear their walls and begin shutting down- students will do the same. We have six weeks most of us- and we need to keep our energy up, our actions positive and our mindsets mindful and engaged. When we maintain our composure and posture, smile and stay upbeat and respectful, students will feel connected and stay in their lane. They know the expectations, they understand the classroom dynamic and goals- we just need to remind them every now and then.

It should never be the norm for teachers to interact disrespectfully with students or for students to think it is alright to talk back and be rude to their teachers. Yet, with the world being as addled with negativity, antagonism and adversity as it is, the news is riddled with stories of disdain and distrust in our schools. The surge of suspicion and discourtesy within our society at large is seeping into our classrooms and hallways. Students are getting comfortable with the lack of respect. Mindfulness is shaping a movement- it is beginning to be a ‘catch phrase’ but what we need is for it to become a way of life, a core of our consciousness, a habit.

Self-centeredness has become ingrained within the You Tube videos and Instagram posts that our children are watching every day. The memes and gifs are not of positive quotes and actions, but silly and rude comments and behaviors. The worst part, is that the behavior, although flippant and insolent, is recognized as the ‘new normal.’ How can we get students and teachers alike, to look outward, be aware of those around them, be mindful of others feelings and mindset, when what we are being told repeatedly is normal, is often impolite and selfish?

Combating the Surge

The only way is to get on social media and champion kindness, every day Tweet, Facebook and Instagram positive action. Write posts that inspire and defend decency and respect. Refuse to retweet and share negative editorials and posts. The deprecation and dubiousness flows, when we accept the agitation and rudeness, as anything but what they are- attacks by trolls and ogres. What we need to do is shut them down. We can’t prevent them from saying, writing and sharing their awfulness, but we can refuse to support them and prolong their impact. We can ignore them and send out our own positive discourse instead.

We need people to feel the surge of tolerance and decency. We do not need to agree, we simply need to make sure that everyone’s voice is heard. If you want to discredit falsity and antagonism, you must first hear it, understand it and formulate a mindful response. We need to respond not react. If we deliver a monologue- we force others to listen and then agree or apologize. But, if we speak meaningful dialogue in multiple ways and time frames we provide opportunities for others to choose to take notice, receive and entertain our point of view. If we refuse to step upon a soap box, but instead stand level with our peers and neighbors, our utterances will be accepted as a part of the conversation rather than a fringe viewpoint.

Casual Cruelty is insidious because it is often unnoticeable. Depravity and insensitivity are dangerous because we often feel they are temporary. Impoliteness sneaks in to a Tweet or post, it makes us feel empowered and emblazoned, because we know it hurts. When we feel under attack and on the defense, we look for weapons. But, that is its charm. It makes us feel justified. When in actuality it perpetuates the cruelty on both sides. Most of us enter momentary mindfulness to contradict, but what we must do is submerge ourselves, deep up to the neck, in diligence, alertness and circumspection- we must never swim beyond it. If we make the normal, acceptance and forethought, the negativity will announce itself long before it takes hold. This way we can shake it off. Cruelty can be deliberate, often it is, but it is also, unintentionally frequent, because we have allowed it to take hold. Our children have accepted it as part of their daily routine. Not necessarily being mean but succumbing to meanness.

It is the last semester or quarter for most of us. As we stand in the hallways and interact with our students, we need to see the populace, as open-minded, flexible human beings, each with the opportunity to rise above the corruption of negativity. They are not simply 1’s and 0's running across a computer screen, they are not pre-programmed software. Disrespect is not an error in the hardware, it is a misconnect in the data- let’s hit ALT, CTRL, DEL and reboot the system, re-set the code and eliminate the glitches. Humanity is inherently good, we all want to fit in and be loved. But, as of late, being mean is popular, it has gone viral. So let’s take back our normal, restart the system- and upload mindfulness and gratitude….. beep, beep, beep, a flicker sparks and here comes the screen, alive with potential, what will appear on yours.

Post Script- this post is about social media and its influence on our lives. Deeper conversations need to be had, by parents, educators and mentors. That will be a much longer post indeed. But, what we can do to start a positive wave is to be mindful and honest. More importantly, to share our opinions and accept criticism. Genuine and purposeful honesty is a good thing- listening with compassion is just as important.